#emorality

@emorality​ said: ❛ don’t be afraid of who you are. ❜

the words spoken from most people  would have resulted in a scoff, rolling immediately off of them because they knew that there were very few people who could ever understand who she was – let alone people that were still alive.  but emori knew her.  she came dangerously close to understanding her.  if there was an outside opinion that she could truly trust, it was emori’s.  who she had been and who she was now were different, but still intertwined.  there were old habits, old pieces of herself that they did not want to lean into.  sometimes it was hard to remember that she was more than the things that she had done and the places, people that she had served.

ʺ    he’s going  to  be  okay  ,  emori.    ʺ    abby  assures the  younger  girl  ,  her  face  pinched with  determination  ,    ʺ    you’re  doing  great.  just  keep  pressure   right  there.    ʺ 

“so,         how  is  it  living  with  murphy  again?         did  you  miss  his  snoring?”         raven  doesn’t  know  why  she  says  it.         it  comes  out  sounding  like  a  joke        &_  it  mostly  is  one.

if  there’s  a  spark  of  something  like  anger  rolling  in  the  pit  of  her  stomach  when  she  says  it,         well...         most  sparks  never  catch  fire.        they  just  slip  into  nothingness,         maybe  leave  a  few  burn  marks  behind.         thermodynamics  taught  her  that.           living  with  emori  confirmed  it.

“better  be  careful  no  one  catches  daniel             &_  kaylee  sleeping  in  the  same  bed.”

CHICK-LIT SENTENCE STARTERS // always accepting

he thinks about the difference between him opening the bunker door to get to O and him closing the door on Clarke in tandem with each other. he wasn’t thinking about anyone but o with the first decision– he had to get outside to her because he knew she was alive. he couldn’t just stay in there and do nothing because Skaikru had taken the bunker– he was able to justify Clarke in the end because she was doing what she always thought she had to do, but she didn’t know. she didn’t know that Octavia had won when she took the bunker, so it wasn’t the same as every other decision they had made.

i got you for that. he channeled Clarke when he closed the door on her, knowing that by doing it, he was ensuring her death. he knew the consequences to his actions then in a way he didn’t when he opened the bunker the door. he thought it through, gave Clarke as much time as he possibly could, and then he closed it when he ran out of time. He chose everyone else in that moment. He chose survival. he left her to die, and he would have to live with that for the rest of his life. 

can we give her more time. he vaguely heard her say, but he knew just like Raven did that they were out of time. there was nothing left to be done, but leave. “i left her to die. she saved us all, and i left her to die.” he does this sometimes. he looks outside and thinks about every time he did this when on the ark. it’s different, on the ring. it’s hard, sometimes, being surrounded by everything again. he’d grown accustomed to the ground, but he wasn’t able to spend much time thinking about how alone he was on the ark the first time. he wasn’t alone now, even if sometimes it felt like he was. even if there were clear divides within the group. maybe not a fair assessment but emori and muprhy tend to stick with each other, harper and monty were…themselves. thinking about echo was enough to make him grit his teeth. he was relying on raven to keep things afloat with him, learning how to face the new reality that clarke was dead and that she died to save them all. facing the reality that his sister was alone leading in the bunker… knowing that there was nothing he could do for them but he can make sure that the people on the ring survived. 

he can do that much. 

“i wasn’t thinking. when i opened the bunker door.” he finally says to her. “i didn’t think about what that meant for you and Murphy.” even now, he isn’t sure if he is sorry that he did it. knowing what he knows now, that that action killed clarke and 300 of his people… it’s in line with everything else he has done to get to o. he doesn’t regret it, but he is sorry. “i’m sorry for that.” that he effectively killed them when he opened the door. “but you’re alive. both of you.” a beat as he turns to look at her. “that worked out.” he didn’t save clarke, but he did save echo, emori, and murphy. he went back for raven, and she got them into space. they did that. “we keep surviving.” he doesn’t know much about emori, but he can tell that one fact plain as day. she is a survivor, and they will survive the next five years. “together.”