Jan 22, 2014
I cannot believe I made that stupid bet where I wouldn't have sex with anyone until the end of second year or I'd have to pay out £200 to people.
How stupid was that? Fucking hell.
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I cannot believe I made that stupid bet where I wouldn't have sex with anyone until the end of second year or I'd have to pay out £200 to people.
How stupid was that? Fucking hell.
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I'm sick of being told that there's nothing wrong with me and people bitching about me behind my back about my anxiety. This isn't a joke. My thoughts are awful, I'm still battling my demons. The fact none of you are supporting me is ridiculous. You're supposed to be my family.
I'm tired of feeling like I'm worth nothing in this house.
Critical commentary writing sucks because I'm never critical enough
I've hit rock bottom.
I don't want to eat, I don't want to do work, I don't want to go out, I want to stay in my room and do nothing but sleep.
I just feel empty.
Is it too late for pizza, I wonder...
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I'm not proud of most of the things I've done. Fuck, there's no way in hell that I'm perfect, or that I'll ever be, because I know I'm going to continue making mistakes. That's just the way life works. You make mistakes, and sometimes you learn from those mistakes and sometimes you don't. I'm bringing this up now because my mum has found out some incriminating stuff about me, stuff that I've done when I've been drunk. Again, I'm not proud of it. I'm actually quite embarrassed about it. My sisters confessed to a lot of stuff that they'd done, sober or not, and I didn't want to. So they did it for me. I have never felt so humiliated. The look on my mums face broke my heart.
I'm the older sister, therefore I'm the one who should be setting an example. Instead, I've drunkenly slept with someone I barely knew, gave head to three guys - again, I barely knew - and made out with people, guys and girls, more than I can count. I'm not proud of my drunken, sluttier side, I never will be, but the shock and the hurt on my mums face when she was told absolutely crushed me.
I was happier knowing that she didn't know any of this. Much, much happier.
This just proves that I cannot be in this house any longer. Get me back to York, now.
I dyed my hair because I want to be purple and blue because I'm not going to be a teenager forever and at the time I was thinking 'why the fuck not?' So I went out and bought the purple hair dye and I got my mum to do it since I was too lazy to do it myself, and she's pretty good at dying my hair for me - she does a better job than I do, at any rate.. Anyway, I've washed this stuff out of my hair and my hair looks black. Not purple, black. I'm so annoyed because although it's a purple tint, it's still not purple. This is the second time this summer that I've dyed my hair and it hasn't gone the way I wanted. Someone up there - out there, any fucking where - who really hates me and wants my life to be shit. This week has been fucking awful. I'm feeling low, I killed my laptop, was spoken rudely by my sisters boyfriend, was told I was as fat as Africa and have been beaten by my seventeen year old sister who thinks the world revolves around her.
I'm sick of it all. I just feel like crying all the damn time. Nobody gives a shit. Oh, and to top it off, I'm loosing followers - I'm sorry if my text posts piss you off. I'm not in a good fucking mood, what did you guys expect? Candycanes and fucking magical unicorns or something?
Rant Time
I'm so close to snapping and yelling at everyone. I feel like sixteen year old me instead of the nineteen year old girl I am. It's always 'do this' or 'do that' or 'where's this?' and 'go get that'; it's beyond infuriating. I am not the only person living in this house! Not only do I do chores around the house every fucking day, but besides my mum, I'm am the only one to do chores. One of my sisters is too young to actually do anything, but she's such a cocky gobshite that I'm actually having to restrain myself from giving her a good slap, my other sister refuses to do anything that doesn't appease her; so she won't do the washing up because she 'doesn't like the dirty water'. Technically, I'm not supposed to do the washing up because I'm allergic to the freaking washing up liquid, but I do it anyway! And my last sister is always with her boyfriend, so today, my mum's gone 'Em, you've got to vacuum the car' - That has never been my job. Ever. I have never cleaned out the car because that is Amie's job, it always has been. So since she's not here because she's too busy fucking her boyfriend at his house I have to do her fucking job? Hell no. She's not getting away with doing no chores again, that's bullshit.
Get me back to York, fucking hell.