#emikob

And oh goodness am I feeling it..

Every day I wake up light headed and if I don't get out of bed slowly I surely feel like I'll faint! Clearly my body is telling me something..

This past week has been tough with pumpkin, veges and egg whites for breakfast. Oats were the highlight of my meals, back when I could actually start my day positively! My breakfast now however, isn't as cosy. The things we do for comp prep is crazy! Through experiencing a prep myself, I have a new found respect for bodybuilding athletes that put their bodies through this multiple times a year. I can see how this becomes a full time job, because studying gets so difficult when you don't have many calories to fuel your concentration on academics.

I'm happy with how I look right now. I know I'm not as lean as the other girls competing, but I like how my core has turned out regardless of how I place next Saturday. Often I have found myself reflecting back to the goals I set myself 11 weeks ago:

1.) Compete in a bikini body building competition

2.) Stay healthy, if that means not getting as lean to keep my period, then that's that

Preparing for my first competition has begun to distort my mind set and self view of what being lean is. And to be honest, it’s absolutely ridiculous how much I’ve come to believe I’m too big (aka fat). I’ve never seen myself as large, yet every day I find myself pulling at parts of my body wondering how I’m going to lose all this fat (what fat though?). When in reality, this is the leanest I’ve ever been!

The smallest comments from people telling me to get leaner has had huge impacts on me. Analyzing subtleties of what people mean when mentioning my appearance. Although my confidence and self esteem reduced significantly, part of my brain reminded me of how I would usually think: “suggestions and comments from peasants or savages are invalid in the presence of royalty”