A gangly new hero hoists himself onto Em's desk, leaning over to watch her work.
"This is the big leagues, huh?"
Em says nothing, just reaches over to adjust his worklamp. The hero, regrettably, adjusts as well, once more blocking the light.
"I'm new here," he says. "My name's Breaker, I can get into pretty much any system." It isn't a brag, but a statement of fact. Many of these newer heroes have never met their match. "I literally just finished orientation, some guy named Astroturf or something? He told me that this is the place to go for gear."
"Astro Boy," Em corrects him. She taps his leg. "Please move."
"Ah, my bad." The hero — Breaker — slides off of her desk, turning and leaning against the wall. "I'm sure you're busy, Astro Boy said you're the best, but is there some way to maybe whip up some tech for me? A priority list or something?" He leans forward and smiles, showing off bright veneers. "I can make it worth your while, if you want~"
Em glares through his jagged eyes, unnoticed by Breaker. Deliberately stilling her hands, he stands up. Even leaning over, Breaker is taller.
"No."
He brushes past Breaker, walks heavy-stepped out of the room. Whoever hired this idiot is about to get an earful.
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Em shifts in his chair, trying not to stare at the polished quartz paperweight on Marine's desk. She keeps her head forward, trying to seem attentive as Marine shuffles papers.
He hasn't had rock candy in ages....
Marine finally puts down Em's resume, steepling his fingers and leaning forward. "You seem very impressive on paper," he says, "but some of these references are... outdated."
"I don't have any others," Em replies.
"The Maharal has been dead for centuries, Tinker. Half of these names I've only seen in textbooks. The ones that are still alive have got to be at least eighty! There is not a single reference on this paper that can actually be reached by our company."
Em nods. "In my defense, I only woke up three days ago." She shrugs, watching the jellyfish undulate in the tank behind Marine's head. "I live on a different scale than humans."
Marine sighs, putting a hand to his temple. After a long, pregnant pause, he pulls out another paper.
"This is our company intake form. There's a section here-" -he taps on the paper- "-for non-human applicants to list accommodation requirements. We'll have a room set up for you on-site, if you need one. Welcome to the team."
Em takes the paper, carefully folding it and placing it in his satchel. She stands, turns to go.
Pauses.
Turns back.
"Are you saving the quartz for later, or...?"
"I don't- that's a paperweight, Tinker. Come back tomorrow with your intake form."
There is a new, young, nervous hero, peering over Em's shoulder. He moves, shifting away from their breath on his cheek.
"Step back," she comments. The hero startles, but does as they are told.
"Sorry! Sorry. Um, Nuclear Ninja told me to come here for gear? He said you were in charge?"
Em pours the contents of her flask into the cooling pan; it flashes green, then white, then settles into a shifting crystal lattice. He does not answer the new hero.
"Only, I'm supposed to be on shift now, and my new teammates are waiting for me? I just need a... a sword. Or something."
"There are swords on the rack," Em replies. He scrapes the crystals from their pan, collecting them in a shallow bowl to be ground.
The hero glances at the racks of weapons, then at Em. They are hesitant, and likely ignorant.
Em turns, giving the hero a once-over. They are trying hard not to react to her face; they'll get over it. They all do, eventually.
"Second down, first on the left," he finally says, turning back to the crystalline powder. "The pommel explodes."
The hero bobs their head in thanks, snatching the recommended weapon and running back up the stairs.
Em pours the powder into pre-made canisters, all labeled NUCLEAR NINJA in strong black sharpie.
Idiot, she thinks to nobody in particular.
He ticks a box on his chart and leans over, absentmindedly poking in a second eye to better read his next task.
Fix blaster pls -thx, astroboy
And no mention of which rack it was left on, either. Em sighs, vaguely bothered by the lack of effort. It's not hard to spot, per se, the blaster is still leaking smoke clear across the workshop, but....
"Sloppy," she says, knowing that Astro-Boy will hear it from the break room.
I think Em and Nomni might have fun eating not-usually-edible things together! Nomni is one of my supers, and their power is that they can eat anything. They like to experiment with flavors and see what everything tastes like, and has given their more science minded friend permission to experiment with their powers. (some of the results include: they can bite through anything if they are intending to consume it, but if not, they have the same bite strength and sharpness of teeth as a normal human. They can also consume things at absurd temperatures, and can handle them safely barehanded if, again, they're intending to eat them.)
yayyyy this one is gonna be fun!
Astro Boy knocks on the wall next to Em's head.
"There's a new hero onboarding today."
Em tilts her head in an approximation of an eyeroll. "Any weapons training?" This is going to cut into his schedule for the week.
"I dunno," Astro Boy says. "They can eat rocks though, so a couple eggheads wanna do a comparative study on the two of you. You in?"
It doesn't require much consideration. There will be rocks. "Yes."
He follows Astro Boy to the adjacent bioengineering wing, where a room has been commandeered for the study. Scientists in white coats are milling around and clumping in groups; there is a folding table set up in the front of the room, with neatly labeled geological samples. There is another hero, presumably the new one, standing next to the table and talking to a woman with a notepad.
They are short and their hair has a curl to it. They spot Em as soon as she walks in and yelp, covering their mouth with their hands. "You don't have eyes!"
"Correct." Em drags a chair behind him to the folding table and sits. She folds her arms, pushing down the urge to poke in another eye. He does not need it.
The other hero mirrors his moves, pulling over a chair and leaning across the table. They are young, small and young.
"You're Em, right? Lady Arsenic told me that you're centuries old and you never sleep. It's crazy how you have so many powers!"
"My existence isn't a power," Em says. "Who are you?"
"I'm Nomni, and I can eat anything!" They do not sound like they are bragging.
One of the scientists claps and calls for everyone to find seats; Em is pretty sure his name is Duke. He leans over the table while scientists vie over seating, explaining the study. It's fairly simple — Em and Nomni taste each labeled geological sample in order, describe the taste, and rate how easy it was to eat. In essence, a free meal.
The first three samples are all powders. One is white and slightly soapy-tasting, one is blue and sweet and stinging, and the third is a chalky, flavorless clump. Em hopes that the scientists have not poisoned her. Nomni practically licks the plates clean.
The fourth sample, a beautiful green stone, is so bitter that Em cannot bring himself to swallow it. She pushes the plate away.
"Tastes like warheads ," Nomni says. "Can I have it?"
Em nods his assent, and both samples are consumed.
After another flavorless sample and a small salty moonstone, the scientists finally provide the stone that Em was hoping for.
Quartz!
Em keeps the sample in her cheek, sucking slowly. It's sweet, light, perfect.
Nomni frowns after one bite. "This tastes boring," they say. Another nibble, to be certain—
"Yeah, this tastes like nothing. I didn't know they even made things that taste like nothing."
A murmur runs through the scientists; this is the first dissenting opinion that Em and Nomni have offered.
The next sample is topaz, earthy and chewy. Em pushes away from the table. "I can't have anything harder than this," he says.
Nomni's head whips around. "What? We're having so much fun!"
"I don't want to break my teeth."
"You can break your teeth?"
Em purses her lips. This isn't a conversation he likes having. She waves away the next sample plate — it's ruby. They've been getting tougher the whole time. "This was nice. If you come with me I will give you a weapon."
He walks away, back to the lab, and Nomni follows.
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Em leans back in his chair, holding the delicate metal lattice up to the light.
"You could buy a taser," she tells Wytch. "It would do roughly the same amount of damage."
Wytch pouts, eyes narrowing behind a hard black mask. "I have awful aim," she purrs. "Electrified netting makes so much more sense, doesn't it?"
Em brings her chair back down, hunching over the netting in question. "Seducting Blaster into making this only worked because she's smitten with you. I am taking the job because you submitted a ticket and nobody else on shift can safely handle live wiring." He squeezes, crushing the transformer. "I've signed up for a refresher in projectile weaponry in your name."
"A taser does not match the branding," Wytch says.
"Nor does electricity. Come back Wednesday and we can design something close-range for you. Come back with projectile certification and we can design a thematically appropriate long-range weapon. In the meantime..."
Em gestures at the ready racks. They're nearing empty, most of the items requiring either repair or calibration.
"...there should be a set of daggers somewhere."
He brushes the now-useless tangle of wire netting into a trash bin. Wytch glowers, but removes a carved crystal stave from the racks and stalks out of the lab.
1) every time i see your url my brain supplies a la dr seuss "i can kazoo, can you?"
2) blorbos? 👁👁
Theres a kid's book called Do You Do A Didgeridoo and you just reminded me that it exists
[Sicko voice] hahaha yes... blorbos.....! Most of mine are just my ocs but occasionally I will glom onto a character for anywhere from a few hours to a year and then they become blorbo boarders in my brain. I have a list of stuff I've written for some of my blorbos in my pinned post, but there are others that are not in the pinned post! Im gonna tell you about one of them
EM TINKER
Em is a clay construct (aka golem but we get chill with it) who hibernates for decades at a time, then wakes up and starts helping whatever jewish communities are nearby. Where we are right now in the story she joined a superhero corporation as a way to keep an ear to the ground vis a vis things happening that might affect his people. He also has ruby back teeth and eats rocks and she cant lie <3
She had forgotten, maybe, how often people sleep. Hours at a time, night after night. And he could only work for so long herself, before taking a break became somewhat necessary.
Pausing in front of another identical door, Em leans in to read the label. It is dark, the hallway dimly lit, and she finds it necessary to widen the eye that he had been using that day.
Brynwit, the door plaque reads. It is not a name that Em recognizes. It is not a name that passes by her desk.
A cold white fluorescence casts rays over Em's shoes, spilling out from under the heavy wooden door. Em raises a hand, prepares to knock.
And turns away.
He makes a mental note of the door number; she has wandered almost the entire dormitory. People will be waking soon, grumbling and stumbling to the cafeteria. Em will be in his workshop, ready and waiting for work to do.
