#elsaduttonedit

ISABEL MAY as ELSA DUTTON 1883 — 1.01 "1883"

                 I remember the first time I saw it. Tried to find words to describe it... but I couldn't. Nothing had prepared me; no books, no teachers, not even my parents. I heard a thousand stories but none could describe this place. It must be witnessed to be understood. And yet... I've seen it, and understand it even less than before I first cast eyes on this place. Some call it the American Desert, others, the Great Plains. But those phrases were invented by professors at universities surrounded by the illusion of order and the fantasy of right and wrong. To know it, you must walk it. Bleed into its dirt. Drown in its rivers. Then its name becomes clear... It is hell, and there are demons everywhere. But if this is hell, and I'm in it... then I must be a demon too. And I'm already dead.

Elsa: (...) Step into the road without looking, and the carriage merely stops or swerves. The only consequence, an angry driver. But here, there can be no mistakes because here doesn’t care. The river doesn’t care if you can swim. The snake doesn’t care how much you love your children, and the wolf has no interest in your dreams. If you fail to beat the current, you will drown. If you get too close, you will be bitten. If you are too weak, you will be eaten.

isabel  may  as  elsa  dutton  in  s01e01  of  𝟏𝟖𝟖𝟑

            I had abandoned every memory of Tennessee, as though I was born on this journey. But I wasn't... We were leaving a place and seeking another. And the journey was the necessary, miserable road between the two. Somehow I felt immune to the dangers of this place. As if the land and I had struck a deal. I could pass unharmed so long as I loved it. And I did. I loved everything about it. But crossing the Brazos taught me there was no deal. No matter how much we love it, the land will never love us back.

If "possible" can describe a feeling, that's how I felt. The whole world felt possible. And I was ready for it.

           Looking back, there were two journeys. One was filled with danger and death and despair, the other, adventure and wonder. I was on the latter. And I loved it... I didn't know enough to know they would collide. I didn't know enough to know how cruel and uncaring this world can be. The world doesn't care if you die. It won't listen to your screams. If you bleed on the ground, the ground will drink it. It doesn't care that you're cut. I told myself when I meet God it will be the first thing I ask him: why make a world of such wonder then fill it with monsters? Why make flowers and then snakes to hide beneath them? What purpose does the tornado serve? Then it hit me: he didn't make it for us.

There is a moment where your dreams and your memories merge together, and form a perfect world. That is Heaven. And each Heaven is unique. It is the world of you. The land is filled with all you hold dear and the sky is your imagination. My Heaven is filled with good horses and open plains and wild cattle and a man who loves me. It is always sunrise in my world... And there are no storms. I am the only lighting. I know death now. I've seen it. It had no fangs. It smiled at me. And it was beautiful.