Mike saying he loves El then it cutting to everyone's reactions then back to him panicking (showing that their reactions are what prompted him to panic) and Mike touching his forehead to El's then looking around and his face falling as he turned back to El are the same.
He loves El and he loves her openly and comfortably. Until he is starkly reminded of how it is perceived and it all starts to feel like a lie, and one he has to repeat, and now it's uncomfortable again.
It's why he opted for "blank makes you crazy". And it's why his hand shook when he took El's.
He meant it when he said he loved El. And he was comfortable and happy when he embraced her at their reunion. Until he remembered the weight it holds and the promises it implies. Everyone saw it, she heard it, and they're all expecting things from him now.














