#elleur

“But if you're willing to accept my demons then you have to endure and know how to handle this kind of drama every once in a while without me explaining everything. Just embrace me and caress me in your arms as you gaze upon my scars”

“To run out of breath while your lips suck the void out of me will be the death of me. Can't wait to die in your arms”

“I wish hickeys last a little bit longer to remind me of your gentle lips exploring my skin”

“I brought this upon myself I entertained you in my most vulnerable state but as I get alone with my thoughts, I realize I bear no regret.”

“Just when you think someone has consumed you and reached every corners of your capacity to love. Think again.“ 

“No matter what I do I just can't seem to stop this reverberating dubiety lingering in my soul.”

“It lasted so soon but until now it still lingers in my mind.”

“You unwillingly and unintentionally put me into a trance that I can't seem to escape. I'm lost in a reverie of you holding my arms as you show me the universe glowing underneath your naked skin and fill me with art and poetry like a canvass submissively keeping still for you. Please don't wake me up for it's only but a dream which will never exist in reality. Let me be, let me be irrevocably drawn to you.”

“I appreciate a painful truth a billion times more than a white lie.”

“As I fully undress my whole being to you leave all your doubts and fears. I'll meet you halfway. Hold my hand and you won't be lost.” 

“I crave for your existence every single day.”

“When you can't draw in a spark because you both belong to someone else.”

“Torn between defending myself and just letting it all pass through me and keepin it lowkey.”

“It's not a matter of proving myself to anyone. But I must say you technically always lose to people who got minds infested with ignorance.”

“I don't wish for karma to come and latch onto your life even though you have caused so much damage to my well being.“

“I just pray that someday you'll realize I've been so genuine to you that even up until now I still keep your secrets so dearly.“

“Almost three years ago the lion fell in love with lamb.“

“You're so smooth boi but I like it rough. I like tough love. I don't breathe mere words. I lust for actions and a future.“

Last year had been a melange of feelings. I mean, not just last year but the years I had spent ever since I successfully escaped from my mom’s genital had been one hell of a nostalgic ride of feelings and of course, girly hormones. And I must admit, one of the most notable experience in retrospect was when I met the most annoying guy (now my cadet obviously) when I was just sixteen. I guess that’s where they get the “in love at sweet sixteen” cliché- when teenagers start to question their lives because puberty hit them real hard. Yes, I was barely sixteen, but I guess I was wise enough to know that it was too good, too painful and too real to be called “just an infatuation”. 

It has been a tough relationship. “Has” because even up to this date, it’s still tough. “Tough” is an understatement even. It was and still is an “us against the world” relationship. At some point, I get really cynical and think of it as an uncertainty not worth having even to the extent of entertaining suicidal thoughts in my head. At some point though, I get really positive and think of everything as a challenge, a challenge for both of us because we both know that something that’s easy to get is not worth having. I thought everything was fine and imperfectly normal until... he called me in the middle of my sleep at dusk and told me in tears the most excruciating words: “I am at the airport. I am leaving for Manila. I am sorry, See you soon. I love you.” 

“See you soon, how soon exactly?”. I was so mad, our relationship already got me bruised after fighting for our love against the forces of “unacceptance” and hatred for years. I thought what’s broken can’t already be broken but I was wrong. I was shattered when I knew the possibility of him leaving, but upon hearing the final verdict from his voice on the phone I was pulverized to dust, that it was almost impossible for me to even think if I could still pick myself up again. 

I guess God favored me when I was able to finally see him again for a few days when he surprisingly booked me a ticket to Manila so I can sarcastically watch him leave for Philippine Military Academy, Baguio personally. For three days I watched his transition from being a cool civilian with a mohawk to a soon-to-be-cadet with a bald head. I was dying inside, knowing that I had to go home without being able to snatch him into my luggage. And alas, time came when tears almost dampened our shirts. For a minute there, I was so mad at him that I badmouthed him asking him why he had to drag me all the way to Manila. I felt like it was a death sentence when I had to witness him ride the gigantic bus of his soon-to-be-school so don’t judge me.

For weeks I spent sleepless nights of drinking bouts and idle days of madness at home. I was still in a state of a denial. I could’t believe why my only best friend had to leave me. “If it was for “us” why did it have to hurt this bad?”, I thought to myself. Communication with the outside world was a restriction to their training which made things even worse. And then it occurred to me... A breeze of realization came to me which knocked me off my insanity. It was the time for me to find myself without him, love myself more and find out how great our love really was. After weeks of grief, I accepted our fate. My fate-- a kaydet girl to my cadet. 

Now it has been almost a year of him being in the academy, and of course almost a year of me being a supportive kaydet girl to my cadet as well. First it was Incorporation Day on May, Reception Day and Halloween Hop on October and then Superintendent’s Hop on December. It was a tough journey I must admit, not only because I am from the southern part of the Philippine archipelago- Mindanao; I had to juggle my tight schedule, lack of financial support, hatred from external forces with my unconditional love for my cadet. But everything was all worth it because I got to see him grow and myself grow. I found myself; I learned to be independent and learned the importance of money. And most importantly, we found out how great our love was. I myself couldn't believe that it reached extreme heights and conquered formidable weights of challenges amidst the distance and lack of communication.

It’s too early to say that we’re really meant to be. We still have a few more years before I get to finally say “I do.” Lol I’m kidding. I mean, I still have a few more years to endure before he graduates and face the reality of him serving the country. Uncertainty is scary but I mean let’s think positive here, isn't being a soldier sexy? Seeing your cheeky cadet turn into a man in uniform defending your country now that’s sexy. I don’t know about you but that’s my kind of sexy, not fuckboys who thinks swag is their one-way-ticket to supremacy. 

I don’t really have a conclusion here since my quest to being a kaydet girl to my cadet has not expired yet but one thing’s for sure though... my love for my man has no deadline and I will never regret being a kaydet girl- ever.

Keepin it yin & yang by balancing a supposedly classy ensemble with ragged industrial boots.

Anyway, it was somewhat cloudy with a chance of meatballs, I mean with a chance of raging sun rays so I decided to pair the blazer which I found sitting on my closet for quite a long while. At first, I found it hideous because of the sequins (I hate sequins!), but after wearing it I was diggin it already. It was a miracle cause honestly I didn't have any slight idea bout where it came from. Idk maybe it was from my mom? But I mean what the f “who would care? I wouldn't return it anyway lol”. I tell you though this blazer is so versatile, you can either wear it with class during the day without looking too overdressed and wear it during the night looking so fancy and glammed up by simply rolling and unrolling the sleeves!

It was a perfect Wednesday with no requirements and deadlines to torment me so I decided to have a mini shoot with Kirbe Casino after loading ourselves with sweets and caffeine.

If worn this way, this blazer suits well with bodycon dresses and cropped tops paired with high-waisted shorts/high-waisted pants/pencil skirts. It still looks classy though especially if you have broad shoulders unlike me; it will be perfect for not-so-formal executive meetings. If you have shoulders like mine tendency is it might look more of a jacket than a blazer on you. 

Same goes tonthis... you can pair it with the mentioned garments above. Difference is it looks more casual, classy and feminine and you can freely pair it with loose garments like my white top. 

These paparazzi shots are scripted as fuck lol... so dash like kim k!

I am part of our college’s student council multimedia department so I get to do the posters for the college and sometimes for the school.

An assignment for our Product Advertisement class

Another assignment for our Product Advertisement class

A poster commissioned by our college’s our student council