Oh eat me! goddamn it! my fucked up living quicksand

surround me with the noncompliant and the worrier the suicidal the judges of judges

feed me the morals of the long lost dead through the tongue of the living’s fretful

how I hate this bullshit bullshit radiowave sinner

It’s been a winter of nor’easters and school shootings and missing people with bread for breakfast when I actually could finally eat anything

all these phenomena are deeply ambiguous but there is a popular rage now sleep when the sun comes up work while your feet hurt

people are throwing percentages out there like we’re all some kind of goddamned wristwatch getting turned and turned wound up, like little maniac cocks

I can’t wait to have a few dollars again I will take girls out and be crazy I will see 4 bands for 12 bucks No more eating dog shit or drinking kerosene I will steal lines from Zen monks

take death & turn it inside out

take loss and spread your paint and fire with it

room on all the walls you have

carve it up

pile all the people you’ve loved or tried to into a corner of the room

make a mound of us

tower

stack

speaking

a person made of people

reverberating pink, unending visioned waves

it’s speech

they’re voices

a pile of us all in the corner of your bedroom

the altar everyone can see so carried there within you

my us we all, so are

oh so handsome—I say stupid things like

I will never believe you are real

that is how much I love you

then we remember

it is the body that has learned to cry

all along

our flesh did it before we knew any breast

my tears are louder against my clothes when they are about you

I used to light a dozen and one candles every morning

reciting your prayers by name

doom is something I think about alot

actually for decades here now

doom mood & fate and fate, mood and doom

keeps sliding letters under my door

is barely sort of sane

I don’t see anything anymore

I am fat and bony

an insidious is everywhere

I am running

I am hiding under

reeling

feeling forth the ruin

I will get out

I will stop lying

I will actually see it

I will see what I want for myself

I will swallow it and

I will eat it and

I am there

I thought this poem was about overcoming

and magically transcending hurt

but hurt is our ocean