#eli 005

boxing day - december 26th

he’d never celebrated boxing day before. it wasn’t a holiday people even thought about in america—it was the day after christmas, and went no further than that.

but the thing was, eli was experiencing something he’d never felt in his entire life. he’d spent the better part of the last three days watching his life fall to shambles, knowing it had been almost entirely his own fault.

it’d been like watching a fire and having no water nearby to put it out, like having to accept that everything was falling apart.

but god he’d fucked up so bad. he’d made the wrong move every step of this, and shouldn’t have been surprised when it all came to a head. but there was something about inherent human stubbornness, about life giving you all of the signs and you just ignoring them in favor of doing what you think is the right thing.

that’s what he’d done here.

georgina hadn’t wanted a baby. that much had been clear. but their marriage had been going through a rough patch when it’d come up, and he’d pushed her. so she’d offered that as a fix-it. but then she’d disappeared in the process, and he’d mucked it up even further by not speaking up when fiona came back into the fabric of his life.

and then when zoë had been born and breathed an entire batch of new life into him, thus giving him a chance to make things right with everyone involved, he’d fucked it up again and said nothing.

he’d watched georgina struggle through it. try her hand at motherhood she hadn’t exactly wanted. he’d watched her hold herself together long enough to try and love a baby who was nothing of hers, whose presence seemed like a burden to her when she thought eli wasn’t paying attention.

that’s what made him tell the truth a month too late. that’s why his life was in shambles, falling apart at the seams. there was so much to deal with now.

it was why he was standing on fiona’s doorstep carseat in one hand and an envelope in the other.

he glanced down at zoë’s sleeping face. she was still so tiny, so precious his heart squeezed. god, how could he do this to her? she was the person he loved most in the entire world and he’d ruined her barely a month in.

he knocked on the door a few times, heart dropping when he heard movement on the other side. his eyes were already welling when footsteps approached, and part of him wanted to run away.

but he’s done enough running; he has to face the music. happy boxing day to him.

the door opened a second later, the woman he’d seen very few times before appearing on the other side. “uh... hi...”

“hi?” she wasn’t blonde anymore, once platinum hair now replaced with a more muted brown. “can i help you?” her eyes drifted down to the baby in her carseat, and he could see the furrow in her brow, recognition in her features.

“waverly, right?” he offered, pressing his lips together nervously. “i’m looking for fiona, i’m...”

“i know you you are,” waverly said, folding her arms. “and if you’re coming to rub the baby in her face—”

“no,” he cut her off, shaking his head. “no, i’m not doing that, i’m...” he cleared his throat, shifting his weight from his right foot to his left. “i just... i need to see her, i need to talk to her. it’s important.”

she seemed to size him up, as if trying to gauge his intentions. she couldn’t blame him, in her shoes, if it were frankie, he’d probably be the same way, if not worse. “come inside,” she said opening the door wider. “it’s too cold for her in that hallway.” her eyes were glued to the baby as he walked in.

“wave, who’s at the door?” fiona’s voice sounded far away, but it still sent chills down his arms. he hadn’t seen her since that last day at the hospital. they hadn’t talked; she’d asked him not to.

he swallowed hard when he caught a glimpse of her hair as she turned the corner, watching as shock colored her features at the sight of him.

“uh, yeah...” waverly spoke up first, shutting the door behind him. 

“what are you...” fiona swallowed hard, her eyes shifting between him and the baby, disbelief in her face. “i asked you to...” she blinked a few times, eyes welling immediately. “eli.”

“I know,” he said. “i know what you said, but...”

fiona’s eyes were now glued to zoë, and he could see her try to catch her breath. “she’s grown so much...”

“i... yeah,” he nodded, glancing down at her. she’d changed quite a bit in the last month, chubbier cheeks and softer features. she was looking more and more like fiona every day.

“she looks just like you, fi,” waverly said softly, going to meet her sister at the end of the hall. eli watched as she gave fiona’s arm a squeezed and whispered a few words he couldn’t quite make out. “i’m going to let you two talk,” she added out loud. “and i swear,” she turned to eli. “the minute something’s out of place, you’re out of here.”

eli nodded wordlessly as she left the room. fiona stepped into the living room. “sit, please,” she motioned to the couch and took a seat across from him, still looking at zoë like she was a beacon.

“i won’t keep you long...” he said taking a seat. “i... i should’ve called, but... everything’s such a mess.”

she glanced up at him. “what’s wrong? is she okay?”

he couldn’t get the words out, his throat felt so tight. all the guilt, all the mess of the last few months had been taking their toll on him, and he felt the weight of it all in his chest. it was hard to breathe.

but despite that, he had to remember he was here, trying to fix it, and that while it didn’t absolve him, it had to be enough. for now.

zoë squirmed some in the seat, and he quickly reached down to get her out. fiona gasped at the sight as eli drew her into his arms and watched her seemingly trying to get comfortable. “do you want to hold her?” he asked softly.

“i... no, i...”

“fiona... take her. please? i have a lot to tell you and...”

he stood and opted for the spot on the couch next to her and handed zoë over. fiona sniffled, a sob escaping her as zoë settled against her. a perfect fit.

he’d fucked up so bad...

“you should have never been without her,” he whispered, brushing his thumb over the baby’s furrowed brow. “i don’t know how i let things get this messy, and i don’t know why, but i do know one thing for certain: zoë is your daughter. and i had no right, not even for a second, to take her from you,” he told her.

“eli, what are you—”

“i should’ve made this right from the beginning... it didn’t have to be more than what it was. i fucked up, and it’s on me, and you shouldn’t have to suffer the consequences because of that,” he said.

“what are you saying?”