#elc

i stay where i am for a few seconds after gunner disappears.

which is embarrassing, honestly - how can one small touch from him affect me this way?

"don't disappear before i come back."

the words replay over and over in my head, like a catchy tune that i can't shake from my mind.

i force myself to move, pushing off the wall taking a look around the room, trying to ground myself again. people are still talking over each other, laughing, and moving through the crowd like nothing important just happened.

but maybe nothing important did happen. maybe i'm just dramatic.

i start to make my way towards the bar to get another soda, and someone brushes past me and nearly knocks into my shoulder, muttering a quick apology.

i get my drink and stand towards the side of the room, closer to one of the darker corners where the lights don't hit me as hard.

across the room, i can see movement near the front.

it's gunner.

people crowd around where he stands while someone adjusts something near the speakers. i hear voices yelling out his name. phones are already out.

i watch him from a distance.

the lights dim slightly. a cheer rises through the room.

"thank you all for coming," gunner voice echoes, the autotune evident through the speakers.

he scans the crowd while he talks. and for one stupid second, i wonder if he's looking for me.

"are y'all ready?" he asks.

the crowd erupts with cheers and hollers.

then the music starts.

the bass vibrates through the floor beneath my heels.

people immediately react, some yelling, some already singing lyrics from snippets he's teased online.

i stay near the back while the room loses itself to the music.

the lights flash across everyone's faces, the bass shaking throughout he walls so hard i can feel it rattle in my chest. people push closer toward the front, phones raised high in the air while gunner moves across the small stage like he was made for this.

and maybe he was.

every now and then, i catch better glimpses of him through the crowd. his chains catching the light, his tattooed hand gripping the microphone, sweat dampening pieces of his dyed hair.

i try not to stare too much. but i fail a little.

the energy in the room is insane. people scream and cheer while he paces across the stage, feeding off the chaos around him. i stay further back, tucked between people near the wall, just watching.

then his eyes find mine.

it happens so suddenly that i almost think i'm imagining it.

but he looks directly at me through the crowd.

and he doesn't look away either.

his head tilts slightly, like some sort of sign of acknowledgement.

he hasn't stopped performing, just merely focusing his vision on me as he continues.

my stomach twists.

someone jumps in front of me, blocking my view for a second, but when they move again, gunner's still looking.

then he finally tears his attention away from me and keeps performing.

i hate how much that affects me.

after a while, the room grows hotter. and louder. and somehow more crowded.

gunner's been performing for a little while now, so i feel fine to step away for a second. i don't think i'll miss much.

i slip down a hallway near the bathrooms where it's quieter. the bass is still audible, but it's more dulled now.

i lean against the wall and take a sip from my cup, exhaling slowly.

i stay there for around two minutes, just standing there, before my phone lights up in my hand.

gunner

wya

he must've finished performing already. before i can even process it, another text comes through.

gunner

thought i said don't disappear

despite myself, i smile.

y/n

i needed air i just went to the hall near the bathrooms

the typing bubble appears almost instantly.

gunner

stay there

my stomach flips annoyingly fast at his message.

a minute later, i hear noises somewhere down the hallway. footsteps. which, to me, feel different than a random person who needs to use the restroom.

then gunner appears around the corner. i knew it.

his eyes land on me.

he's slightly out of breath, probably from performing, and there's still adrenaline written all over him. his skin is flushed and his black shirt sticks to his skin.

"there you are," he says.

the words are simple, but something about the way he says them makes my stomach tighten.

i raise an eyebrow, trying to ignore it.

"what, you thought i actually left?" i ask.

gunner walks closer, stopping a few feet in front of me.

"didn't know."

i let out a small laugh. "you seem weirdly concerned about that," i tell him.

he looks at me for a second before shrugging lightly.

"maybe i wanted you here."

it's the honestly in his voice that catches me off guard.

i glance down at my cup, suddenly aware of how warm my face now feels.

"but you have, like, so many people out there for you already," i murmur.

"not the same."

my eyes flick back up to his.

i nervously tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. "your performance was good."

"yeah?" he asks, not breaking eye contact.

"yeah," i nod. "i liked your new songs."

gunner's lips tug into a small grin at that.

"good," he says. "figured you would."

he takes a step closer to me.

i lift an eyebrow. "oh, really?"

he shrugs, leaning one shoulder against the wall. "yeah. seems like your type."

my eyebrows furrow slightly, a small smile on my lips.

"and what exactly is my type?" i ask.

gunner looks at me for a second too long before answering.

"hmm... loud.. chaotic.. hard to keep up with."

i squint my eyes slightly, still smiling. "seems like you're just describing yourself."

"maybe."

my smile nearly drops. he says it so effortlessly, unaware of how his words are affecting me.

i don't know how to respond. there's silence that settles between us.

i take a sip of my drink mostly to give myself something to do.

"crowd was kinda annoying, though," gunner says after a second. "could barely see you back there."

my eyes dart up to his.

i force a light smile, trying to keep my voice steady even though my chest is actively tightening.

"were you looking for me that bad?" i ask, almost teasing.

gunner doesn't answer me right away.

he just looks at me. like he's deciding how honest he wants to be.

that small pause does nothing for my nerves.

i take another small sip of my soda too quickly, immediately regretting it because now i definitely feel his attention on me more than before.

finally, he shrugs like it's not a big deal.

"maybe," he says.

him and all these "maybe"'s.

i stare at him for a second too long, trying to decode what he actually means by it.

i shift my weight, forcing myself to look anywhere else - his chain, the wall, the light that's slightly flickering above us.

"you can't just say maybe," i quietly tell him.

gunner lets out a soft breath through his nose, like he's amused but also not really in the mood to play it off anymore.

"why not?" he asks.

like it's a genuine question to ask.

i glance back at him, my eyebrows pulling together. "because it's annoying."

he nods slowly, like he understand, but he doesn't look away from me.

"yeah," he says. "is it?"

i lightly exhale, nodding. "what does it mean?"

"what?"

"the 'maybe'," i tell him. "and you're doing it again."

"yeah," he says simply. "i guess i am."

no attempt to fix it - just agreement, like we're not talking about something that's bothering me.

i stare at him for a second. "you're not even gonna explain it?"

he shrugs, slower this time, like he's thinking about what he's saying before he actually speaks.

"there's not much to explain," he says. "i said maybe because i don't fully know."

his voice is less sharp and calmer now.

i blink. "you don't know?"

he nods.

"not with you."

i glance away, trying to steady myself.

"that's a little concerning," i mutter, trying to laugh it off, but my voice comes out quieter than i want it to.

gunner's eyes stay on me.

"i don't mean it in a bad way," he says softly. "you just.. throw me off sometimes."

i look back at him. "me?"

he gives a small nod.

"yeah."

i shift my cup between my hands, not sure how to respond.

"you don't seem like the type of get thrown off."

that gets a faint smile out of him.

"you'd be surprised."

i study his face for a second, trying to figure out if he's being serious.

and he is. completely.

"so when you say maybe," i start slowly, "you mean.. what? that you don't know if you were looking for me?"

gunner sucks in a breath and looks down the hallway for a half a second before looking back at me.

"no," he says. "i was looking for you."

my stomach stirs.

the way he says it is so simple that it almost hits me harder.

i blink at him.

"oh."

his lips twitch slightly, like he knows that caught me off guard.

"the maybe part," he continues, "is me trying to figure out why you got stuck in my head like this."

i hate how honest he's being.

i stare at him for a second too long before asking, "so what does that mean?"

he shrugs. "i mean, i know i like being around you," he says, taking a step closer to me, eyes focused on the ground. “i figured that out seven months ago. but i think about you more than i probably should," he pauses briefly. "you know i was hoping you'd come tonight."

his eyes flick to mine again.

"i just don't wanna say some dramatic shit and make it weird."

my breath catches at that. that's the least dramatic thing he could've said, but it still affects me anyway.

i let out a small laugh, mostly out of nerve. "might be a bit too late for the weird part."

gunner smiles softly.

"yeah," he says. "maybe a little."

i shake my head, looking down for a second and gathering up my courage.

"you know what your problem is?" i ask him.

"what?"

"you just say shit without thinking about what it actually means."

that actually makes him quietly chuckle.

"is that bad?"

"no," i tell him. "it’s not. i don't even think you mean to do it."

"i probably don't."

gunner shifts a little closer without seeming to realize he's doing it.

"you feel uncomfortable around me?" he suddenly asks.

the question surprises me.

"what?"

"back there," he tells me. "you looked nervous."

i stare at him. the fact that he noticed makes me feel even more nervous.

i try to play it off. "maybe because you kept staring at me during your performance."

the corners of his lip curl up into a smile.

"couldn't help it."

i roll my eyes, but it lacks any real annoyance.

gunner watches me for a second.

"you know," he starts, "i really didn't know if you were going to leave or not."

i look at him. "why?"

he shrugs lightly.

"felt like something you'd do."

i narrow my eyes. "what's that supposed to mean?"

"nothing bad," he says, in his usual casual tone. "sometimes it feels like you're waiting for a reason to leave."

that’s weird, because i feel like i’m always waiting for a reason to stay.

i look down at my cup. "sometimes i just like acting hard to get," i say lightly. "doesn't mean i actually want to leave."

my eyes hold his for a second longer.

then the corner of his mouth lifts slightly.

"yeah?" he asks.

i shrug, trying to keep my expression casual though i can feel the tensions sitting between us.

"yeah."

he looks at me for a moment.

"you're good at it then," gunner says.

i let out a quiet laugh. "at being hard to get?"

"at making people unsure," he replies.

something about the way he says "people" makes it obvious he means himself too.

i tilt my head slightly, a new wave of confidence taking over me. "you unsure about me, gunner?"

he leans back against the wall again, relaxed, but his gaze doesn't leave my face.

"all the time," he admits.

i smile a little. "that sounds like a you problem."

"probably is," he tells me.

theres a moment of silence between us, but it doesn't feel awkward. if anything, it feels worse. because now he's looking at me like he knows i stayed. like he knows i could've left an hour ago but didn't.

my fingers tighten around my cup.

"you seem to think about me a lot," i point out.

gunner's eyes flick down to my lips for a quick second before meeting my eyes again.

"i guess i do," he admits.

my heart skips a beat. i try to smile through it.

"that's kinda crazy considering we barely talked."

he shrugs, still watching me.

"didn't really feel like barely," he says.

i let out a soft laugh.

"gunner," i start, shaking my head a little. "it was one music video and a few weeks of texting."

"i know."

"do you?"

he huffs out a quiet laugh at that, looking down for a second before looking back at me.

"yeah," he says. "i do."

his voice is calm, but there's something underneath it that i can't decipher.

i shift against the wall behind me, suddenly aware of how little space there is between us.

"so, why?" i ask before i can stop myself.

his eyebrows lift slightly. "why what?"

"why me? what makes me so special?" i ask, trying to make my tone sound more playful.

but for a second, i almost regret asking that.

gunner looks at me like he's actually thinking about the answer instead of trying to come up with something smooth.

"i don't know," he admits. "you just stuck."

my breath catches.

he notices.

of course he does.

his eyes stay on mine as he continues, but quieter now.

"after the shoot, i thought i'd get over it or something," he smiles to himself, like he’s reminiscing on those times. "then i'd see you post or i’d get a text from you and it'd start all over again."

i stare at him.

he continues before i can think of something to say.

"but you didn't really make it easy either."

i blink. "me?"

"yeah," he tilts his head. "you'd reply like you didn't care, then say something that made me think maybe you did."

i look down at my cup, smiling to myself.

"maybe i liked keeping you confused."

gunner laughs at that.

"yeah. i figured that out."

my eyes lift back to his.

"and you still kept texting me?"

his gaze holds mine.

"yeah," he says, his voice honest. "i wanted to."

he exhales through his mouth.

"i thought about texting you a lot after we stopped talking," gunner continues.

i stare at him.

"why didn't you?" i ask.

he shrugs lightly. "didn't know if you wanted me to."

i let out a breath, almost smiling. "you make me sound evil."

he laughs under his breath. "you liked messing with me."

"and you liked letting me."

"true," he says quickly.

almost too quickly.

there's a pause.

"still do, honestly," he tells me.

i feel my throat go a little dry.

i laugh a bit. "you're really confident for someone who said he doesn't know what he's doing."

gunner shrugs, like both things can exist at once.

"i don't," he says. "but i know what i like."

i stare into his eyes.

"and what do you like?"

he watches me for a second.

then he steps a fraction closer.

not enough to trap me, but nearly enough to make my body react.

"you," he responds.

i blink a couple of times, my cheeks feeling hot. a smile automatically finds its way on my face.

i let out a short breath, trying to turn it into something lighter. "you're insane."

he smiles faintly. "yeah?"

"you can't just say things like that like it's nothing," i tell him.

"why not?" he asks. "it's true."

i open my mouth, then close it again. because honestly, i don't know how to respond.

"i've been trying to act normal all night," he says. "but you're making that very hard for me."

i blink a few times.

my voice comes out quieter. "i get that now."

his eyes flick to my mouth, but this time he doesn't try to hide it.

"aren't you supposed to be out there?" i ask, referring to his party.

"yeah, i am," he replies.

but he doesn't move.

the space between us feels smaller than it was a second ago.

"if i go back out there, i don't want you to leave," he adds.

i blink a few times. "i won't," i quietly tell him.

"good," gunner says.

his hand comes up and brushes some of my hair out of my face.

after that, he lets his hand rest on my jaw.

then he leans in.

it's slow - agonizingly slow.

but when his lips finally reach mine, they gently press against my own, catching me in a kiss.

it's quick. just barely a few seconds long.

but this brief kiss cuts through everything he's been saying all night.

i can taste the cigarettes he smoked mixed with the flavor of mint gum - a woody, slightly bitter taste, combined with a crisp and icy one.

he only pulls back a fraction. just close enough that i feel his breath on my skin.

"i'll be right back," he tells me, like nothing just happened.

then he lets go and steps away, turning down the hallway and disappearing once again.

to be continued..

a/n : oh my gawd this is so long. but i love this sm they finally kissed ! after 5 long parts .. anywayyy ... lmk what u guys think about this!!! feel free to send me comments, questions, suggestions, or anything thru my inbox!! im trying to focus more on the fics i already have out/ones i already have ideas planned for, but i'll still take reqs, i just won't get to them quickly!! likes/reblogs are greatly appreciated!!! love u guys sm <22

lmk if you want to be tagged in all future nettspend fics!!