study sessions.
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āJaesun are you listening?ā itās asked the fourth time today but whoās counting. the irony of this is that if he were listening when it was asked of him he probably wouldnāt be in this situation. the situation being the two of them huddled at his desk, haeri sitting to the front and hovering over his English homework and him comfortably beside her, chin on her shoulder and arms around her waist.
it took an awful lot of persuading for him to convince his mother he could study with her in his room. most of the persuading was haeri promptly showing his mom how effective her tactics were when he got too handsy. he was surprised she even let him keep the position he was in now. he was content though, arms tightening around so he could pull himself closer to her voice and her warmth. itās nice. jaesun doesnāt spend much time in his room and he barely ever uses his desk but itās nice now. she takes up a presence all her own, haeri that is, but he finds that the room is so much bigger with both of them. heās reminded of his tunnel vision, his sole focus on everything that she is,
ājaesunā and not his homework.
āhm?ā that earns him a scowl. well before it earned him a scowl and now the scowl has her whipped her head in his direction. heād make a comment about how nice she smells today but he sinks his nose into her shoulder after seeing he might just get scolded.
āthis is serious, you need to pass this test. iām taking time out of my schedule, iām a good student and iām putting off studies to teach you and youāre not even paying attention to me. did you even hear what I said?ā he has a couple more comments in mind, about how he canāt possibly focus on what sheās saying when heās more focused on how she sounds saying it. how the words, sharp and clear as they are go straight to his heart and honestly itās cruel to have such perfect aim. as if the sounds werenāt painful enough, her lips were a sin. jaesun had no problem admitting that heād spent half the time watching her lips move while she read. he could be thinking about stealing a kiss but he could just be thinking about how theyāve got him wrapped around her very will. thatās another story entirely.
itās actually funny that everyone believed allowing her to tutor him was a better prospect than a hired tutor or school tutors. for one, all the offers he got were girls that haeri didnāt say she disapproved of but he could see that wrinkle in his nose whenever they offered their services. then the tutors hired by the coaches just wanted him to cruise so he could play. the ones hired by his mom were too dull, he couldnāt connect. so after months of separation and failed tutors she took to helping him on her own and he should be thankful, he should try but here he is blanking out for the fifth time since they started.
itās wednesday. wednesdays are always good because he doesnāt have practice and can slack off. wednesdays usually mean a warm-up the next day for a game on friday. wednesdays mean a break, wednesdays mean hanging with haeri doing whatever theyāre in the mood for. wednesdays meant she had short lessons and could sprint over after and hang as long as they wanted. wednesdays sometimes meant haeri in a skirt if he was lucky ( he never was ). Ā itās wednesday and he has to spend it staring at an english textbook. or maybe it was a reading assignment. he didnāt know. sue him.
ājaesun.ā okay sheās irritated.
āyes babe.ā negative.
āif youāre not taking this seriously I can leave.ā thatās the magic phrase. his arms tighten the minute she moves to close the book and his face is buried in her side.
āno no no Iāll study. Iāll listen! Donāt leave. I wonāt get to see you tomorrow at all, after practice we have game tactic reviews and then coach is making me do a review session for this test and then friday is the game. I wonāt see you until after the game, donāt leave please this book will eat me alive.ā itās a lot. itās the most heās talked all day, it has some immature desperation in it but it also ah truth. it is effective though. sheās quiet but sheās not moving either.
see prior to this arrangement his coaches had thought that haeriās appearance during midterms had been something of a problem. jaesun protested. his teacher stating he was always late to class after saying bye to her didnāt help. so what if he wanted to sneak in a few kisses? itād go faster if she actually let him land one. his teammates counting how many times a ball hit him in early practices because he was daydreaming didnāt help. snitches. have they seen haeri? imagine thinking about her? itās impossible to stay focused, proven fact. okay so maybe he did have an issue remaining focused around her but the two month probation during midterms cram month was unnecessary. they doubled his practices and study sessions to where he saw her maybe once a week, three times every two weeks. it......didnāt end well. regardless a compromise had to be made and his schedule loosened up and they found a more reliable tutor, haeri herself.
āI donāt want you failing because of me.ā itās a little quiet but he makes it out and it makes him lift his nose from itās place. he knows that tone, he knows that slight tremble and he panics.
āhaeri----------ā too late. the minute she looks at him heās sunk, finished.Ā
waterworks in three, two.
āyouāre not taking this seriously! whatās going to happen if you donāt pay attention and you donāt pass this test? Youāvāe got one more test to pass or you fail. You fail. And then if you donāt theyāre going to think I canāt tutor you and theyāre going to pack your schedule again and I wonāt see you for a month, a month jaesun do you understand how long a month is? Maybe until finals. And what if you donāt pass finals with those shitty teachers youāre not passing this class? Then what happens? Summer school? Oh my god if you go to summer school plus that stupid summer job youāre probably going to get. who knows when I see you kwon jaesun I am not spending summer without you you still have to buy me lots of patbingsu like you promised. and how do you think momād feel about me dating a kid going to summer school not that I care but cāmon make things easy for yourself.Ā why is it so hard for you to just focus on this?ā one.Ā
so, itās a lot to take in.itās even harder to hold her while sheās going at it right in his face, tears streaming down and words coming out half cracked but fully coherent. jaesun canāt tell if sheās mad, worried, frustrated or just all in all tired of him. a combination of all he decides. itās met with him giving quiet affirmations to the words and questions spewed his way, small shushes and attempts to calm her down because once she starts, well letās just say heād prefer her calm before he continued.
āokay okay I get it----ā he starts. āno you donāt.ā she stops. āI do.ā he fires. āyou donāt!ā she snaps.
they settle. he wonāt look at her, sheās still got a face wet, tears drying probably from the anger sheās facing. he doesnāt blame her.Ā āItās not that easy.ā she sighs, and jaesun can hear her get ready to go at it again so his hold tightens.Ā āno listen,ā his voice is small and maybe thatās what makes her stop.Ā āitās hard. reading and shit? itās never made sense, I had to do math a lot as a kid so thatās cool but reading? never needed it. canāt focus on it either. ma didnāt have time to teach it so, I didnāt spend time on it. itās too much, too jumbled, impersonal and personal? doesnāt make sense. and then----ā he gets quieter, she gets closer. that could be a matter of perception but he doesnāt stop.Ā
āschoolās a lot? nothing really makes sense but the court and math stuff? then you show up and shit nothing makes sense. but itās clear? and itās easy. and then youāre here and youāre reading and itās going in and not sitting around, itās moving?Ā iām listening and processing but I donāt wanna break it with my words and shit you know? Wanna keep it the way you say it and how it sounds, not broken and stuff.ā he shrugs.Ā āIām listening I promise, itās just kinda hard, Iām still shocked that itās coming into focus and itās because of you you know? Iām sorry.ā he tugs at his lip with his teeth, still not facing, still not believing he said anything at all. heās even let go so his hands can try and convey what his lips canāt.Ā
sheās quiet and heās nervous. heās quiet and he doesnāt mind.
āyou idiot.ā
āhey, nice words.ā he almost thinks itās a bad dream, that he spaced out so much he started dreaming and heāll wake up and all these things will remain sealed. so his face lightens up on default and heās ready to joke around but he looks at her and the words stop as soon as they leave. sheās crying again, fresh tears, fresh emotions, fresh perspective maybe?Ā āshit shit shit why are you crying-------ā itās almost like he doesnāt remember his own words, like he doesnāt feel like his chest is leaking and heās opened his heart to her.Ā
itās an awkward position, her sitting like that, turned to look at hm, him freaking out and trying to wipe the tears that keep flowing. itās even more awkward when she goes,
āyou get a kiss.ā
ā......pardon me?ā
she pulls herself together just like that, sniffles a few more times and wipes the stray tears too.
āwhen you answer a question right? you get a kiss. read a passage right? explain a literary device right? come on this is an elementary reward system jaesun keep up.ā and itās really like heās not sitting there naked before her. she does this on purpose and haeriās always been sensible like that. awkward but sensible in how she can tell he doesnāt do this open and sheāll ignore the wounds for his sake.
āI get a kiss?ā āThink of it as motivation.ā jaesunāsĀ honestly a little surprised. relieved but surprised at her bounce back, recovery, his recovery as well though his hearāts still pounding and his mindās still jumbled he thinks he can move away from it for a bit. haeri, being the saint that she is doesnāt make it easy for him because the moment heās smiling is the moment her lips connect with his.Ā
maybe it was meant to be quick, it started as a peck and sheās pulling away because heās pulling her back. see she can do a good job of looking the other way when heās leaking like this, letting parts of him seep out and catching them without a second though, catching and holding them for when she knows heās ready to actually spill. and jaesun only knows how to spill into other ways, words arenāt one of them. Ā like always, she accepts whatever he gives her, takes it and runs with it just as she falls back into the kiss the minute he presses forward, just as she turns around to face him completely and her back presses against the desk, textbook or whatever the hell forgotten.
heās kissing her to say heās listening. to say thank you and sheās kissing him to say she understands, and that sheāll take and she is taking everything he dishes out. the short breaths, the hands in hers and in her shirt and everywhere. she gives in easily and he knows next time it wonāt be that easy so he takes what he can get and she only pulls away when a small noise starts to escape her throat.
heās grinning, that dumb grin when heās lost all breath in his lungs and he canāt open his lips because heāll choke and heāll only want her air again. the kind of grin that gets him smacked during class and his ears red. the kind of grin that she noticed across the cafeteria and asked what was that dumb look for. the kind of grin that got him in this mess in the first place. sheās no different though and thatās what makes it worth it.
āsee, a kiss for every answer.ā itās forced ad it almost makes him laugh when she coughs and turns to face the book again, his arms wrapping back around her waist. āwhat was the question?ā she clears her throat again, a signal for him to move his lips from being buried in her neck, and he does.Ā āwhy is it so hard for you to focus on this?ā
he doesnāt say anything for a few moments, and itās probably not necessary.Ā if haeri is anything sheās a genius. sheās quiet again flipping to find the page they left out on and he can almost see the grin on her face.
āNext.ā











