#ehontee

all throwing curses and throwing tantrums. jaesun hasn’t heard this many insults fly across the room since that rematch with hyunwoo and kido. kido got accused of cheating in the last few minutes of the amtch and hyunwoo told him he wouldn’t last a rematch with that move again. the entire gym erupted for the rematch and that included gym goers picking sides and picking who to boo and who not to. if you chose a cheater you were trash and your insults were worse, if you chose the challenger you were in the right and just got louder boos. it was chaos. he broke up three fights and nearly got a black eye.

jaesun’s handled his fair share of fights. in addition to training at the gym he works as both a teacher to the newbies and a bit of a helping hand for the rowdiness. he’s not as big as his trainer or some of the older guys but he’s quicker and his time on the streets gave him enough practice to know how to jump between two people without hesitation. he doesn’t mind getting another bruise while others prefer to stay out of it. usually before any punches are thrown he can separate the lot and move things along.

things don’t usually get out of hand. he gets a few word thrown back and forth between rivals, a few newbies who are a little fired up to care about where their hands go? that happens. he was like that before. ready to throw down at the first unwelcome comment. it’s probably the main reason they put him where he is. those are a little harder to separate than the rivals who start it up. they know about him, they know he won’t hesitate to call off their match or even break an arm if need be. jaesun has a contingency plan for any and everything that could happen. anything that throws itself his way he finds he can handle.

this is a little more complicated than that. it wasn’t a rival, it was a newbie but different circumstances. it wasn’t that she was a girl and that’s probably where the anger stemmed from. he didn’t blame her but god did he make assumptions. 

“you fucking idiot what the fuck do you think you’re doing I can handle this get the fuck out my way!” just that. over and over and over while her arms reached over his head to grab the sneering male behind him. that male, was a newbie, fresh from daegu and obviously lacking in the manners department. he couldn’t make out the other curse words slipping her lips but he’s sure he was glad the junior class wasn’t here to witness any of it. he’s only just started to shove the younger one away, turning around to address her when her fist connects with his jaw.

he’s not sure if he really deserved it, but he’s sure it’s partially his fault for letting his guard down. yeah. that’s his bad. he pays no attention to the yells of surprise that echo throughout the gym, the howls from the guys who know to cut it short from one look from him the trainer. the kid she was about to pummel? he owes jaesun for this.

he’s checking his jaw first, running his hand over the line and making sure she didn’t get anything to bleed because damn she’s got a good left hook. he does stop the second one though, and maybe he shouldn’t because she’s fuming like a bull and she’s going down south but he scoots back in time. He doesn’t speak, instead he lets her stare daggers his way, lets her glance back and forth and waits to see what her next move will be. 

“I don’t need you to defend my honor or whatever the fuck you thought you were doing. I can take my own fights.” “I wasn’t defending shit. You fight? You get kicked out. Judging by that temper of yours, you don’t have many other places to go to train right?”

She doesn’t make another move, instead  she wrings herself free from the hold and marches off with a trail of fire in her path. he feels something coppery in his mouth and he smiles.

the next time he sees her she’s still wearing rage like a shield. still throwing words like spears and not looking just knowing she hits. she’s not as clean as before. she’s sporting a bruise under her jaw that’s going to look great in the morning. blue on blue, red on red. blood under her nails, blues on top. it must’ve pissed her off to scratch but she probably has to. a few cuts and bruises that aren’t slowing her down in the least and tear sin her clothing probably making her angrier with each second she notices them.

what the hell was she doing here anywhere?

this turf was for the unfortunate. h’ed been her before and that’s the only reason he’s here now. someone called about her, having heard jaesun’s recap of her trip to the gym. this turf was for those forsaken by their only savior and while she wasn’t exactly forsaken, pride can be as much of a death sentence as anything else. 

jaesun used to come here, when he thought he couldn’t sink any lower in a muddied life and decided to bathe in it. he decided to fester for a while in this waste. underground fighting wasn’t always so....murky, so dirty and disgraceful. not that underground muay thai has found it’s way to more tasteful facilities and betting, this style has become more popular. get in, wraps and all and get out alive. it’s dangerous. people place bets on who they want to win and there’s usually a tie of rigs throughout the entire crowd. she was probably too angry to notice.

they’d probably placed a bet on her the moment she arrived, expected her to lose. probably got pissed off when she ended up winning, judging by the guy who’s already out. that’s when he got the call, that she’d won and they weren’t having it. they’d rather jump her out than admit defeated pride and coughing up the money. the lack of morality in such an honest sport really irks him. he didn’t need to come, he doesn’t need to be here actually, but all out wars like this are bound to catch attention. 

she’s cornered in the ring of people, some booing some cheering, some running. she doesn’t bat an eye this girl. made of steel or the toughest form of pride. probably both. he slinks in quietly and squeezes his way to the center and beside her. two things happen, an old sparring partner recognizes him and then she does. 

“back again fucker-----” honestly what the fuck is he doing here? two enemies? two insults?

before the guy can get his fist across she’s already yanking him out the way. all that fighting and she still has all this energy. he still has more though and he can still grab her arm enough to press it to her back. she won’t hold long so she snaps,

“I don’t need your help.” and he snaps back. “You’re in over your head.” she doesn’t need his help. it’s true. after she takes the few bold out they’ll probably run from the cops who arrive, but that means it’s all over for her. it’s an assumption, it’s a layout of experience and something about it doesn’t sit right with him. that’s the only reason he’s here. that and they could trace her and him back to the fight and he doesn’t need that. he’s making up excuses and not paying attention to the situation at hand. that gives her time to wriggle free and send another double his way. he lets the first hit his face and grabs the next. she’s going to get tired of him stopping her, he can tell.

“I’m not here to fight you.” “Shouldn’t have come then.” maybe. but the crowd is starting to close in. No one’s here to see their awkward dance before them. They want her head and they want his and both in the same place? A birthday present.

“Listen to me--- listen!” he has to speak quickly because she’s still kicking and trying and they’re still trying to grab them. it’s a very compromising situation. “they catch us? you’re dead, i’m dead. one of us is dead." “I escape? you’re dead.” “I’m dead and the cops have you and a dead body, what’s next?” “what cops-----” “they’ll be here in five minutes judging by the size of the crowd, we’ve got to go. they’ll get their money either way if the cops have you. street fighting? assault? still think they’ll let you fight on those charges?” he lets her go. he wouldn’t have been able to hold on longer anyway. he lets go and dodge a bat coming his way to grab it and crack it against the side of the next coming his way. “five minutes.” it’s a pride thing he knows. but swallow pride, fight again? he knows that as well. she drops the bag and closes into a corner of the receding crowd. it takes a few punches, three guys down behind her and two on his side before a path clears. a bat and a raging fighter are all they need to step apart. that and the sound of police sirens.

it’s quick. she keeps it, she’s actually running faster because he’s busy looking behind. he keeps the bat though and the minute they’re far enough,

“There’s a bus stop nearby we can drive back to the------” she’s got him on the ground, bat to his throat and bag in her hand. when the hell did she grab the bag? “Don’t. come. after. me.” well that’s that. he raises his hands, she releases but takes the bat with her before she’s off. All this for a couple hits to the stomach and a bruise that’s going to draw questions tomorrow. He doesn’t dare ask if it’s worth. Gets up and walks to his bus with the sound of the sirens fading into his background and probably festering in hers.

he hears his partner go what a woman when she walks in. the next time he sees her she’s slinging the bag on her back and the bruises have healed nicely. it’s been about two weeks, half a month give or take since the incident. he’s in the middle of a sparring session and he can tell the atmosphere in the gym changes upon her entrance. he uses that moment to knock both his partner out and the bell to end the session.

now listen they have woman in the gym, they do. there’s a lot of younger girls who come in for the junior class. whether some are there to flirt or actually learn is up to them jaesun pays no attention. though they have more younger ones than older ones they have a few around his age. point is the gym is not so isolated that they only have male attendees. he wonders though, just how uncomfortable it is for her to walk in with boys acting like they’ve never seen a woman before. honestly. the next one he sees gawking gets a smack upside the head with the boxing glove and an order to scrub if they have so much time to stare.

she meets him evenly when he walks up. the scene would otherwise be silent if they didn’t know they’d have twenty routines to do if they slacked off. so he feels them sneaking stares but other than that no one pays attention. she’s not that shorter than him he realizes but the tank top shows the muscle he figured was there. 

“nice shiner.” “yeah yeah.”

the bag hits the ground first. he gives her a look like he knows what’s in it but she won’t look at him so he crouches to look through it. the money isn’t in there, just some dusty gloves and old wraps. she doesn’t need to say it so he knows.

“that where you get your shiner from?” “fuck off.”

so he laughs. it’s the first time he’s genuinely laughed in her presence and the first time the guys have heard him laugh during working hours in a while. he stands back up to meet her gaze, lifting the bag and his decision with him. one toss and it’s in her hands.

“name?” “haeri.”

haeri. the first time he meets her she’s all trapped rage and emerging morality. haeri.

most of it is the truth. really the only reason she can enjoy the time spent with him late is because she’s cleared all her tasks for the day and her mom has no reason to be on her back. it’s a good feeling, to be able to sink into their time together, and spend as much as she can without interruption. it’s how she keeps her sanity with long days and strict tutors and projects with it’s quiet precision. it’s necessary, it’s a compromise and he’s breaking it right now because it’s barely the afternoon and---- it’s not him on the screen.

she can tell because she does see that shit-eating grin but something unfamiliar and she half a mind to cancel the call or give them a piece of her mind. she hadn’t been awaiting his voice that she assumed he’d call? she could die of embarrassment if that was the case. but she recognizes the face and before she can get a word out they’re speaking.

“miss haeri we have a surprise for you!” “oh god I hope he doesn’t call me things like miss haeri around you guys because that’s gross, that’s lame. tell him I said that, actually hit him whenever he says things like that but if you hit him too hard I’ll hit you, oh wait--- where is he I’ll tell him myself.” she knows his co-workers. not enough to call them acquaintances but just to call them familiar. she’s not too familiar with the guys at the mechanic shop on account of her being banned explicitly from there. honestly it’s unfair treatment she needs to make sure these hooligans don’t give him any more stupid ideas.

no onto the king of stupid she’s sneaking her phone in the corner and peeking with curiosity as the phone travels amidst laughter and snickers. it’s the first time she gets an accurate layout of the shop and when jaesun goes on about her day it help, she likes to place the images in her head when he talks, helps her solidify it more. she’s about to tell them to hurry up when she hears a voice, oddly similar to jaesun’s. it’s wild and muffled and for a moment all she makes out is the outline. the snickers cease so she knows that must be jaesun under the car but what is he,

“got me lifted, shifted hgiher than the ceiling and oooh wee it’s the ultimate feeling, got me lifted feeling so gifted, suga how you get so fly,” no he’s not. he’s singing. haeri’s english is good so she understands it even if she doesn’t fully know the song. she understand that’s all that matters. because it’s definitely jaesun’s voice and she’s enver heard him sing and why in the hell is he singing?

“You know its leather when we ride, we're flinging rawhide. doing what we do, watching screens getting high. girl you keep it so fly with you sweet hunnybuns. you was there when the money was gone. you’ll be there when the money comes. Off top I can't lie I love to get blowed, you my lil'sugar, I’m your boy hun, and every time we kick it it’s off to the groovy, treat you like my sticky ickey or my sweet oowy goowy.” she wants to die. she wants to curl up and die because at this point he’s still going and saying embarrassing lyrics as if he doesn’t see them right there? oowy goowy? did he really? kick it off to the groovy? does he really listen to things like this and imagine if he incorporated this into---- haeri’s been in the corner too long she knows and his friends? they’re smiling at her searching for a reaction and she won’t, she refuses.

“what are you guys-----” the video ends with a yell and laughter and a cut reception.

haeri sits there for the moment.  if this was planned she will literally kill him. honestly what kind of lyrics are those anyway what the hell kind of music does he listen to, she’s going to have a talk with him but for the moment she’s silent. she’s supposed to be working but she waits about ten minutes for a text explaining the situation. when he doesn’t text her she tries to go back to her work and get the god-awful lyrics and the sound of his voice, deep and under the car and---- just his voice out her head. when she gets to his place and he’s greeting her with a smile and all he says is his co-workers were acting strange she thinks about saving it for later.

what haeri thinks is that this is a one-time ordeal. she knows the guys at the gym like to embarrass him but she never expected the guys from the shop to give it a try. they do it a few more times over a course of two weeks? she’s heard four different songs and renditions she’ll probably never get out her head. he really likes to sing under that car hood. loudly too.

he’s honestly making it too easy for them to tease him and she’s glad only a few really know of their relationship of she’d be busting a couple heads once a day. she reacts very, wildly to the mention of jaesun because as long as it’s been it’s still very new to her? just acknowledging  it took a while, labeling it is even harder and now talking about it to others? it’s enough having jo make quips about their private time whenever she wishes. jo’s fine, jo knows. anyone else that’s not only that level with her? well they’ve barely heard even a hint of his name. she can’t imagine dealing with daily jokes about him, losing her composure, reputations? nope. not her.

a one time thing. so when her phone rings a week later and it’s him again she doesn’t expect much. he’s not working today so she expects him. she’s also ready to snap at him rightfully so.

“are you serious? you’re going to get fired from this job if you keep this up? I mean you better not be calling me while you’re driving or I will kill you myself kwon jaesun seriously. Just because you can slack off at this job doesn’t mean I can slack off on mine. Besides how else will I get free chicken?” it’s not that she cared more about the free chicken than him having a job but she could forfeit free chicken to see him sleep more, maybe. well it’s in the works. maybe not. usually he should have something to say about that, she’s anticipating it so in the midst of her words she looks finally. 

that’s how she finally notices he’s not on the screen. well, his work buddies are there from the chicken shop, albeit more used to her rants than anyone else and smiling. she feels deja vu and before she can say anything, do anything the phone is moving and she’s captivated again. what harm can it do? it probably couldn’t get any worse than before, it’s what she thinks. there he is again, in his uniform no doubt and his headphones no doubt oblivious to what’s going on as usual. seriously he’s such an airhead.

“Tell me again !” it shocks her she almost squeaks at the shout. Because honestly he’s in public and the headphones make everything louder, she wants to yell but they’re telling her to hush. “That we'll be lovers and friends.......tell me aaaagaaaaaain, that we'll be lovers and friends.” he doesn’t have a bad voice but when he’s belting like that, she wonders who’s more embarrassed, his manager or her. she knows it won’t end here there, she knows because right after the singing comes, “Sometimes wanna be your lover,” here he goes. “Sometimes wanna be your friend.  Sometimes wanna hug ya, hold hands, slow-dance while the record spins, opened up your heart 'cause you said I made you feel so comfortable. Used to play back then, now you all grown-up like Rudy Huxtable. I could be your Bud, you could beat me up, Play-fight in the dark, then we both make love, I'd do------ anything just to feel your butt,” she almost squeaks. leave it to him not to censor as if she were there. c’mon haeri you’re stronger than that. “Why you got me so messed up? I don't know, but you gotta stop trippin', Be a good girl now, turn around, and get these whippings, You know you like it like that, You don't have to fight back, Here's a pillow - bite...that, And I'll be settin' separate plays, So on all these separate days, Your legs can go they separate...ways...” it’d be uncomfortable. so incredibly uncomfortable if he hadn’t picked up a broom and started singing with it. Does he really? Seriously not notice them recording him? then there’s the question of the lyrics. and his voice..again. she swears he knows. because his voice drops to that octave haeri hates, the one that makes her want to shove him aside and used to make her run to the next room in a second. her face is red, she knows it’s probably red as hell and she doesn’t even wait for them to get caught she hangs up instantly.

she won’t mention it. she won’t bring it up for the life of her. she’s going to go on as if she didn’t hear those lyrics and she never understood english. as if she never saw the video. as if he wasn’t saying such things into a broomstick like an idiot. that’s it, that’s how she saves face. he’s an idiot and she can brush the thoughts aside as simple song lyrics and nothing else. 

she lets them do it again though. she’s all but brushed them aside and decided to take the videos for the comedic relief they provide. honestly he does stay true to his word and work hard enough to be home early but that means less time talking to him so the videos are appreciated. the car shop usually provides him covered by the car because anything else and they’ll be caught but when he’s cleaning at the hop he can maneuver with ease and headphones and more props. he doesn’t notice and she likes it this way. she acknowledges it as a cycle this time and welcomes it.

she expects the gym videos to come next. she anticipates them because if this was a trend no way were they going to miss the opportunity to utterly embarrass him. it’s not fair, that’s usually her job. but she’s excited she’s even glancing at her phone in the middle of her session. she doesn’t even wait because she knows it’s the. she waves, they all snicker and lead her to him. he’s training on his own, usually he’s the last one to train after the rookies are done. she swells with pride first and then excitement. 

the surprise is he starts low, the music almost overpowers him while he circles the ring.

“Right about now...If a judge for life me...Would you stay by my side? Or is ya gonna say good-bye? Can you tell me right now? If I couldn't buy you the fancy things in life Haeri, would it be alright Come and show me that you are down.” did she hear him right? Is this a joke? did he really say his name? He doesn’t see them though, he’s too focused, but she definitely heard her name. definitely. it startled her so much she hit her head. “Now tell me would you really ride for me? Baby, tell me would you die for me? Would you spend your whole life with me? Would you be there to always hold me down? Tell me would you really cry for me? Baby, don't lie to me If I didn't have anything...I wanna know would you stick around?” for the moment her heart locks in her chest. she hates when he says baby, she does. she finds the nickname unnecessary and a complete misnomer. for one thing she’s older him and for another she’s not a baby? but when her heart starts thumping and feeling stiff and he’s not even here to fix it or help her understand why ( she prefers it this way ) she’s upset. how can her actually how dare he make her swirl like this when he’s so far away. 

what’s with the song choice too? he’s not looking at them, he’s not talking to her so why does it sound like. she hates things like this. it takes enough to not incorporate jaesun into everything she does because haeri is her own person she’s not defined solely by the relationship even if if it’s started to mold her. but this, this is different. what’s he doing singing things like this? why isn’t he here so she can smack him for thinking or even singing or even doing whatever it is that he’s doing?

that does it.

she doesn’t hear him for a while. she’s sorting things out, she’s moving fast, she’s replaying sounds and lyrics and days and his voice all at once. quite frankly she’s not so much upset as she is annoyed but anything that gets haeri moving is determination enough. she moves. she moves so fast she doesn’t question that the same song is playing.

“Tell me, tell me, would you want me?” she would. “Tell me, tell me, would you call me?” she will. “If you knew I wasn't ballin'.” well he’s not right? “'Cause I need a gal who's always by my side...” and here she is. “Tell me, tell me, do you need me?” god.... “Tell me, tell me, do you love me yea?” dammit..... “Or are you just trying to play me?” jaesun! “'Cause I need a gal to hold me down for life...” this is so damn annoying.

he’s still moving. still circling the ring. still oblivious. still singing and practicing as if everything depended on whatever match was coming up.

“If I got locked away, and we lost it all today...tell me honestly...would you still love me the same? If I showed you my flaws, if I couldn't be strong, tell me honestly...would you still love me the same?”

she’s not even looking at him now, she can’t really see past water in her eyes. she’s mad. all of this for a stupid song, for pointless questions, for a dumb ache in her chest and a stupid urge she thought she was above. she is above this. she did. but she’s here and she’s about to yell.

at this point the music’s stopped but the words are there, swimming, strangling, pleading. his voice, her own locked in her throat. she lets it loose, not at him, but at the phone. 

“you idiot, stop ruining an already awful song.” he looks at the phone first and then over at her. there’s a lot written in his face, shock is one of it and honestly he needs to look a little dumber than that because she looks a little ridiculous like this. water down her face, sweat on her neck after practically running from her project and then paint...everywhere. 

“If I got locked away,” he’s an idiot. “and we lost it all today...” he’s really an idiot. “tell me honestly...would you still love me the same?” he’s moving. “If I showed you my flaws,” he’s still going. “If I couldn't be strong,” she’s frozen. “Tell me honestly...would you still love me the same?” he’s her idiot.

“duh.” as if it weren’t obvious. as if she didn’t need to say it. and she didn’t need to, she shouldn’t have to. if he didn’t know, he knows now, after she chokes out the words, after he pulls her water face to his chest and she’s spitting small curses into his shirt.

honestly this habit of making the gym their main arena for their scenes is getting old. but if it’s for things like this, she’d rather it happen here.

“sorry about that.”

she hasn’t said much about it, she’d like to avoid talking about little outbursts like that for as long as possible. but they’re home, well at his place now. he got the day off from his trainer and her mother pardoned her leave after claiming she worked hard enough this week. haeri knows she heard the hiccuping because she also asked very clearly if she needed to send someone to handle jaesun. haeri pointedly stated she would do it on her own.

she did too, she nearly whacked him twenty times with the pillow each time he tried to bring it up. they’re his issues, his insecurities and she knows if she were to bring it up he would curl away so she keeps it light for now. she’ll just assure him until she knows he’s ready to lay them out.

“so how much did you hear?” 

that gives her the entrance she needs to practically go off about his choice of music. to tell him about all the encounters and scold him for being dirty and listening to distasteful songs or at least no censoring them. how if her mother heard any of that he’d knock himself down a few points, the whole spiel. it’s good because he’s laughing and she is too so much that she lets him pull her down on his chest. she puts up a fight because she’s not done scolding but it feels good. all that time behind a screen piled up. 

“what was your favorite?” did she have one? “not this last one! but I mean I liked the songs better before you destroyed them? Especially that sticky ickey shit? Oh my god never do that to me jaesun I swear to god!” “But you are my little sugar, my sweet oowy goowy.” that has her unleashing all her wrath onto him, even as he tries to kiss her. she will knock those words out his system of so help her god. he gets about thirty more minutes of fighting with the pillows before he gives and promises never to say it again. he might, but for now she can tell he’s just trying to get close again. she allows it.

“what’s your favorite?” “You got, you got it bad, “ she doesn’t expect him to start, “When you're on the phone, hang up and you call right back.” she doesn’t complain. doesn’t look at him either just sits and listen with her head on his chest. “You got, you got it bad if you miss a day without your friend your whole life's off track. You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house you don't wanna have fun, it's all you think about. You got it bad when you're out with someone but you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else.” “the hell you mean you’re out with someone?” but she doesn’t even finish because he’s starting this ridiculous guitar solo with his hands and his mouth and making weird noises and it’s all so terrible and all so funny and she just ignores him being stupid again.

“When you say that you love 'em. and you really know. Everything that used to matter, don't matter no more.” here he goes again. “Like my money, all my cars.” “You have none.” there she goes. “Flowers, cards and candy,” “I don’t need it all.” she doesn’t want a repeat of before. why the hell did she ask? “Said I'm fortunate to have you girl, I want you to know. I really really love you.”

one.

his mother probably knew first. she won’t have a defining moment but from the moment he began mentioning haeri more than five times in every conversation, the way she could tell when he was worried or concentrating on something in relation to the female she knew. the easiest moment was probably when jaesun couldn’t even pay attention to her on the phone because of his girlfriend, that’s probably when she figured it out. she gave him a good scolding, reminded him never to ignore her so deliberately and told him to call later. jaesun’s mom gets more attention from him than anyone in his life. he could be in the middle of a delivery and if his mom calls that’s it it’s going to take more than half an hour to get food. he always gives her all his attention because he gets so little time to and that moment, when he spaces out and she knows he’s thinking about this girl his mother knew that girl was special. so yeah his mother knew first, caught on first too. 

she probably knew it before him.

two.

his trainer and gym mates knew as well. jaesun doesn’t get distracted in the ring, he didn’t even bother mentioning that he had a girlfriend because he didn’t think it’d be a problem, no one did. no one expect his girlfriend to become so, well important. there are simple flings that end quickly and make but a dent in their lives but this was different. the first time jaesun was smacked in the ring for spacing out probably did it. he never spaced out in the ring, outside in the locker room yes but never in the ring. he was always so serious, so focused and well so good that it didn’t happen. it happened to everyone but not him. he valued the space, used it as his only time to think straight, only time to evaluate his only resolve. he invested too much in this to drag anything but his heart into the ring. that’s when they realized that she’d wound herself around it. it wasn’t the constant talking about her, the leaving early to freshen up for a date, or the lovey-dovey conversations on away trips. it’s the second time he was hit in the head for spacing out and being given permission to go to her. 

that’s when they knew. he probably didn’t know even then.

three.

jaesun’s always spacing out when he delivers food, he doesn’t really share his personal information at the job though. he comes, delivers and goes him. he says it’s because he doesn’t have time to stick around and he just needs the money to pay for the apartment and food. his boss never bothers him when he sits around at work or when he says nothing it’s just always been that way. jaesun lived in his own world and sometimes they wondered if his world was a little too bleak or dark to invite anyone in. everything was always black and white, work and go home. it’s when he comes in and he lets it slip that he has a girlfriend. that’s not the surprise really, the surprise is when he starts talking more and more, not just about her but about how he had a long day at the gym or about how weird the last customer is. that shocks them, throws them for a loop. jaesun? talking? to them? he’s not anti-social no but he always had too much going on. then he starts staying later, and helping clean and cook and the space around him opens up, starts looking colorful and they know, they know this girl is something special. 

he probably didn’t even notice, so of course he didn’t know then.

four.

jaesun hasn’t been at the shop long, but he’s been so lively there that well everyone talks to him, everyone knows him. he’s always talking about her, to customers who slip up and mention their car is their girlfriend’s or they need to fix it up for their girlfriend or for a date. if someone slips up they will get an earful. he can’t help it, and his boss doesn’t bother telling him to tighten up. jaesun is the youngest and they value the youth in his relationship, the freshness and well they find it cute that he can’t stop talking about her. it’s normal. it’s a honeymoon phase is what some people call it. if they didn’t know any better they’d call it puppy love and leave it at that. but well, one day he’s not going on and on about it. one day he’s just humming to himself. he’s working diligently and his boss asks, “what no stories today?” see he’d gone a day without talking about her. “well I mean, I get to see her later. and it’s been a while so I figure if I focus more, it’ll make up for wasted time talking right? just can’t wait to see her.” he hears a chirp from across the room. “you really love that girl don’t you?” “yeah I do.”

and it’s the look in his eyes that really says it. the look, the zero hesitation. the smile. the boss lets him leave early that day to go home.

everyone knew.

that wasn’t the problem. the problem was that she was probably the last to well hear it. she probably knew but in jaesun’s case words speak louder than actions. he knew for a while. he’s not sure of the first time he really had to lock the words in his throat but he knew for a while. it could’ve been the day she met him backstage after losing a match and didn’t offer empty console just warmth. it could’ve been the day he showed up on her doorstep, wet and shaking and not knowing anything but ice he thought he’d buried in his chest. it could’ve been the day he spent an entire conversation talking to his mother about her. maybe even when he wanted to leave the gym early just to see her, the gym! his sanctuary! well he’d found a different one now.

he’s often heard it’s not safe to hold a sanctuary in another person but when haeri smiles he doesn’t really care.

so he knew. he’s almost said it too, but with everything in their relationship he’s wanted to keep in time with her. he doesn’t push or pull too much and despite knowing how she feels he still worries about pushing her over the edge.despite all they’ve been through jaesun finds he dances around certain aspects of their relationship out of fear. she would kill him if she knew. tell him not to hold back. last time he did that she punched him so hard he had a bruise. the reason why is better left to imagination.

problem is, when jaesun locks so much inside him it has a habit of spilling out when he’s not careful, when he’s overwhelmed. he’s not really overwhelmed with negativity though, he’s rather excited, happy. 

so it threatens to spill out the only way it can and when it does he doesn’t really catch on. he’s just holding a bag of food she’d graciously brought to the gym. 

he has an extended practice meaning he has to take time off work and practically live at the gym. it means he doesn’t get to see her or even communicate with her. it’s almost like a fitness boot camp but his trainer says he’s slacking. two weeks of this and jaesun is ready to die. he’s suffering from two things, haeri withdrawal and lack of proper nutrients. one would think they’d fatten him up with meat but the complaint is that he’s eating too much. protein diets suck and he’ll let anyone know.

then she shows up, like an angel from heaven, with a box of food approved by his trainer of course and a necessary break. the first thing he notices is the smell of food and he could cry. he’s grabbing her first, kissing her and muttering so many thanks and words that he doesn’t notice, “god I love you so much.” it slips out. by then he’s digging into the bag, digging through and ready to stuff his face with the food. if not for the silence he might have but he knows with haeri with compliments should come an affirmation and he hears nothing. a rice cake is halfway into his mouth before he glances up at her. she’s staring at him, he’s staring at her and everyone’s staring at them. “what'd I......”

three...

two..

one.

shit. 

“I...” haeri is never silent and it’s probably frustrating her that she is. not as much as it frustrates jaesun but he handles it a lot better.he does look rather silly, half a rice cake now falling from his mouth and on the ground. he almost hopes that with the flurry of emotions he let loose and the ridiculous image he must give that she doesn’t take him seriously. not now. not when it’s after such a small gesture. well that’s wrong none of her gestures are small but this isn’t the first time she’s brought him food. it’s really not. he doesn’t get to respond really because her face is scrunching up and she looks as if she might punch him.

“I know I’m the best. I came all the way here by myself. I held myself back for two weeks and let you slave away just to bring you this homemade, take note of that, homemade food. I even listened to your trainer and got permission, you better love me....”

jaesun has this habit, this dangerous habit of kissing haeri when he wants, kissing her to keep her quiet, to convey his emotions and the things he can’t say. it’s proven to be rather effective and yet right now it’s the last thing on his mind. because yeah he wants to kiss her, really bad too, regardless of whether he’s stuffing his face or swallowing really hard. but her words trail off and he finds he can’t even move, much less make a move like that. he’s a little stuck right now.

he doesn’t want to take it back. he doesn’t really mind the atmosphere either, or the condition. it’s true so why should he? why should he try to play it off, let her brush it off. why not admit it? she hasn’t walked away yet so he feels a little lighter, feels his lips move.

“I do love you though.” so he says it again. it feels easier. “like a lot.” feels right. “I mean I don’t think you understand just how much I love you. Like the only way I could put it into words is by saying that I love you.” he’s not good with words and that’s good, makes the phrase the only thing on his mind and the only thing that matters. “I mean if you want me to go on about why I do and how much I do I coul-----” now she’s stopping him. not by his method but a hand over his mouth and a flush over his cheeks.

“okay okay shut up I get it you love me you can talk about how much not in front of your entire team.” it’s not that he didn’t notice the spectacle they were making, it was that he didn’t care. everyone knew. everyone was used to it, so it wasn’t a big deal. but he sees that flush on her cheeks and he’s smiling so wide at the palm against his lips that he kisses it and leans down to kiss her cheek.

“thanks for the food.” that’s how the scene breaks, with cheers and laughter from the guys as per usual as she makes her way out the gym. he slips the box onto his arm and cups both hands over his mouth.

“hey haeri!” “what jaesun what?!” she doesn’t even turn around but he’s smiling nonetheless. “I love you!”