Damn I love you, so fucking much. I’m so sorry I’ve been unsupportive. I’m sorry that I manipulated your feelings is the worst way. I want so bad to be able to go back and change the way I’ve acted. But I can’t. It sucks. The only thing I can change is the way I act in the future. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll go back to being the “real” me. The real Sam. Not the person I’ve been for the past couple of months. Hell it’s probably been longer than that. All I know is that you weren’t deserving of my actions and therefore I wasn’t deserving of you. I think that it’s a true testament of your love that this didn’t come sooner. You were probably wishing I’d snap out of it. Damn it’s crazy the way my mind works. The way it goes through scenarios. The way I dream so vividly that you’re right there next to me. So much to the point that I wake myself up. I don’t want to dream of the smell of your hair. I want to smell it. I don’t want to dream of the feel of your touch. I want to feel it. I don’t want to dream of the taste of your lips. I want to taste them. There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do to have you. To have you in my arms again. Your small back pressed tight against my chest. Our legs tangled. My feet keeping the bottom of yours warm. I want to taste the salt on your skin after a long day at the beach. I want to massage your little feet until I can’t any more because my hands are burning. I want to hear you whisper deeper into my ear. Even though I am deep inside you. I want to get two bottles of wine drunk with just you on a random Tuesday night because that’s what we did. Over the past few days I’ve realized it’s not about missing you. It’s knowing you’re mine and no one else’s. That’s what it’s about. And I know that baby. I can feel it. So deep in my chest. It doesn’t hurt, it feels so so good.

That awkward moment when you can't tell if someone is familliar because: A) you vaguely knew then before they transitioned/came out/got super queer B) literally all white queers look the same?? C) there are actually only five queers ever

I have checked myself into a fancy hotel for the night just because I can, and it is amazing. It is made all the better for the fact that verycunninglinguist and songsonpaintedshadows are here.

My partner is currently playing me Vivaldi's Concerto A Minor entirely from memory. I am so blessed. (Now I have been told to to not talk about that because it's "not impressive". Apparently I should say they just did the G minor one which they haven't played in 5 years.)

My partner is right this very minute on a plane to see me. Right now. Finally. This day is both flying and crawling by...