#eggars

I have no idea how people function without near-constant internal chaos. I'd lose my mind.

I cannot count the times I have cursed our lack of urgency. If I ever love again, I will not wait to love as best as I can. We thought we were young and that there would be time to love well sometime in the future. This is a terrible way to think. It is no way to live, to wait to love.

Please look. Can you see us? Can you see us, in out little red car? Picture us from above, as if you were flying above us in, say, a helicopter, or the back of a bird, as our car hurtles, low to the ground, straining on the slow upward trajectory but still at sixty, sixty-five, around the relentless, sometimes ridiculous bends of Highway 1. Look at us goddammit, the two of us slingshotted toward everything we are owed. Everyday we are collecting on what's coming to us, each day we are being paid back for what is owed, what we deserve, with intrest, with some extra motherfucking consideration-we are owed goddammit-and so we are expecting everything, everything. We get to take what we want, one of each, anything from the store, a three-hour shopping spree, the color of our choice, any make, any color, as much as we want, when we want, whatever we want.