#effortunseen

Lately, it feels like I’ve slipped back into old clouds.

I put so much heart into things—projects, ideas, effort—and then... they get shelved. Forgotten. Dismissed. And I’m left wondering, Why do I bother trying at all? So here I am again: doing only what I have to. No more, no less.

My psychologist warned me this might happen. That things at Care-A-Lot seemed brighter than where I’d been before. But the real test, they said, would be when something didn’t go my way—how would I handle it?

Apparently, not well.

I really thought things were different here. But when I’m told to do something, and I do it, I keep hoping I’ll be met with trust, with confidence, with belief in my abilities. Instead, I feel watched. Second-guessed. And that makes me question everything—again.

Am I even qualified? I know how to do the work. I follow through. But if no one trusts me to think on my own, what am I doing here?

I once read: "I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it." —Alice in Wonderland.

I felt that today.