#efao

It was so nice.

Just.

So.

This past week has been one of the weirdest and most eventful of my life. I'm being thrown around the Rutgers bureaucracy for a bunch of intake and protocol things because of one of my extreme lows. I felt happiness for a little bit last night when I was out being a groupie for friends at a coffeehouse. Talent makes me happy. Supporting my friends makes me happy, because even if I wasn't blessed with talents like theirs, I have the honor of seeing their happiness on a stage when they're doing things they love to do. 

These are the moments and events college is about. It's sitting and supporting causes in various coffeehouses. It's getting free hugs on campus and seeing sororities and fraternities in their brightly colored shirts trying to sell you cookies and brownies. It's finding fun in things that only make you happy temporarily so you can have something to laugh at and reminisce about in the future. It's the sun making everyone happy, even if I myself don't feel anything at all. I'm feeling rather numb right now, but if anything is making me feel the least bit alive, it's how much life is present in everyone on a warm and sunny day after a hell of a winter and a week of rainy days.

A cheesy Taylor Swift song just played in the dining hall, and it reminded me of a time I felt very much alive. I had good flashbacks -- to actually breaking the screen and sneaking out of his bedroom window, a hotel hallway in San Francisco, dozens of shooting stars, a weird-ass comet that flew in only his vision, a day trip to California with CD's of throwbacks, a 20-minute set of my favorite songs, the Queen Mary, drive-in movies, the hours spent sitting and talking, stressing over youth events, Camps, etc, etc, etc.

And now I'm thinking of EFAO and all our makeshift 'cons.' ButterCrisiscon, Freedomcon, Leakycon 2011, RockCon. My very first music festival at Osheaga with super rad folks, drunkenly singing Mr. Brightside at a karaoke bar, first kisses on New Years, weird walks downtown at 4am, KILLKILLKILL, crying in a bed with Alex Hare when my uncle died, a hug from Clare at Leaky2011 to make me feel better when she didn't even know me, Disneyland with Alex's, Dahlia, and Patrick, going to Cali and getting drunk on the beach with free Bubba Gump glasses from our bff Demetrius, being IRL friends with Alex, randomly appearing at her doorstep at NYU at 11pm with Kara, taking pictures in big green chairs, la la la. (I just want to spend loads of money to take a random-ass trip to be with these people in the summer, people I haven't seen in forever. Maybe that can happen. Maybe I'll fly back for the hell of it.)

Then there's Lizaine and Kristine. The friendship that I underestimate whenever I fall into my lows; the immense understanding; the humor that no one else has; the friendship we appreciate every single day; the breath of fresh air it is just bumping into one of them as I walk to classes; the fact that people are actually fans of our friendship; how others feel the connection; that beautifully vulnerable moment when the three of us broke down in each other's arms during adoration after six years of being apart. Our unbreakable and constant friendship that has essentially saved my life in more ways than one.

Maybe Tomorrow (i'll stop being a piece of shit)

I Was a Teenage Werewolf doing the best that i can (but obviously not good enough)

The Weasleys- unlike Alex- are all such solid stand up folk

I Was a Teenage Werewolf getting hit on by a 30 year old man

7 Potters (and all of them are minors)

Perfect For Each Other (is what I said to ten underage girls in one night)