Dreaming of you makes me sad. This time i distinctly remember what happened in every second of that nightmare. You were distant, cold, and selfish - just like how you turned out to be now. And it disgusts me. I used to never dream bad things about you. I used to adore thinking of you, because it both makes me miss you and feel nostalgic. But no, not this time. Never will i be.
How things turned out this way is an “i-don’t-know” for me. As if you were possessed, or worse, like what everybody’s been telling, you found someone else. But that’s never the case, for me [even if it is right]. I just wanted to stay connected, even if it meant only being friends. That was the least we could have done, for our sake. But no, not this time. Never will we be.
I think that was my biggest mistake - letting you lead me to an uncertain future, without realizing the possibilities of you suddenly letting go of me on our way. I thought i was certain that YOU were my uncertain future. And you were - everything about you was uncertain. Yes you freed me but you made me lose my path, and i got lost. I am lost. And probably will not be found again. No, not this time. Never will be.
Maybe someday you’ll find yourself stuck in the position of reminiscing your past. All the things you have done in your life. All those BS moments, that you really did effed up afterall, that you manipulated tons of people who really valued you. You risked us all. Maybe someday you will realize that you were the one who got lost, got caught in the loop, and that you’d wished things didn’t happen like that in your past. You’d wish to go back in time and change all those lost moments, lost memories. Maybe.. but no, not this time, and never will you be.
