#ecstatic experiences

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds at the Wang Theater, Boston MA, 10 June 2017 

Before anyone gets too annoyed, I’ll apologize upfront that there is no video of Nick or of the concert itself in the video compilation or photos I took... yes, a lot of people did take video and no one seemed upset, and I’ve done so at concerts when I could do so briefly and discreetly. But... I was in the second row for this. Which, due to the design of the orchestra pit seating and the fat the first row is much smaller than those behind it, meant I was de facto in the first row, ie right up against the stage, as the one photo I took before the concert began demonstrates.

I had no idea my seat was so amazing, as I’d bought it months ago and didn’t have the ticket in hand until I went to fetch it at Will Call. Then, in video I DID manage to get, I kept being transferred from usher to usher and being escorted further forward. Audience members with “Pit” seating even had to be wrist-banded. As it turned out, Nick himself was having none of this elitism and wanted to circulate freely among as much of the audience as possible. Since more often than not I’ve been stuck further back, I had no issue with this. In fact I felt like apologizing for being so tall and in the front... I kept ducking down to make myself smaller whenever Nick approached my end of the stage. Once the show started staying in my seat was no longer an option at any rate, as Nick encouraged everyone to surge forward closer to the stage, so I ended up right against the stage. I should emphasize that everyone in the crowd was lovely, there was no pushing, shoving or crushing of the people in front. We all just tried to make room for each other as best we could.

Amid all of this, my purse got lost in the shuffle. It was completely safe, and I retrieved it (and the shirt I’d bought and stuffed inside it) from under my chair once the show ended, but it was logistically impossible to get at it in the crowd situation. Even if I could have, I doubt I would have. See... at least once during every song, Nick Cave was looming directly over me. I mean DIRECTLY. As in looking right down into my eyes. As in dripping sweat onto me. As in once accidentally stepping on my hand and then kneeling on my shoulder (and the gentleman beside me) to get at the people behind us. Again I want to emphasize I enjoyed every second of this, and it was unlike any concert experience I’ve had in my life. I very briefly made eye contact with Bowie at a Tin Machine club gig in 1992 (at a dive bar called The Sting in New Britain, CT of all places) but... he never got close and certainly didn’t sweat on or step on me.  I’ve never been physically touched by a Muse, or anyone so influential to my creative imagination. Nick always engages with the audience like no one else, and had when I’d seen him previously... once or twice I’ve been pointed at, and at a 2002 concert he seemed to be lip-reading one of his more obscure, verbose songs off me. But... nothing like this. Not remotely. And I haven’t even gotten to “the good part” yet.

But, to my point about taking pics or video... in the middle of any sort of ecstatic experience, it’s best not to be experiencing that through the filter of one’s phone. It would have seemed inappropriate to me. That experience will be seared into my memory for the rest of my life... in a way that my mediocre cellphone camera (which sucks at low-light shooting) could never capture.  If anyone did take video discreetly, I’d love to see it. I haven’t had time to run searches for other fans’ stories, but I look forward to doing so.

Before the concert, I’d thought this might be a more somber, distant affair than previous Bad Seeds gigs because of the family tragedy Cave experienced a couple of years ago. I wouldn’t have blamed him if he never toured again, or at least took a long break. When I heard about the current tour last summer, I thought it would probably involve more somber reflection and less direct engagement with the audience...I couldn’t have been more wrong about that.

The concert started half an hour late because various security personnel kept coming out, scoping the orchestra area and planning some sort of logistics. In retrospect I realize they were trying to make the audience more accessible to the audience, though never to the extent he seemed to wish... he seemed genuinely upset there was no rope ladder to the upper balcony. He might have been a nightmare for the venue’s security... but all of us fans loved it.

He performed a good-sized chunk of The Skeleton Tree, as well as three songs from Push The Sky Away (“Higgs Boson Blues”, “Jubilee Street” and the title track) and a selection of well-chosen “greatest hits” from every album but the three from ‘03-’08. I didn’t compile a setlist (again, too caught up in Having An Experience) but he performed “From Her To Eternity” (most of this one directed at a strikingly beautiful raven-haired woman who bore a distinct resemblance to Cave’s wife, Susie Bick), “Tupelo”, “Red Right Hand”, “God Is In The House” (a perfect selection for New England and its brand of dreary quietude), “Into My Arms”, “The Mercy Seat” and a 4-song encore, “The Weeping Song”, “Jack The Ripper”, “Stagger Lee” (whose crazy fan interactions based around... erm... acting out some of the song lyrics were even crazier than I’d seen before. It is strangely cathartic belting out that profane tale with a huge crowd though.) and “Push The Sky Away” to end on... which I found fitting.

I’m sure I’m leaving out a lot of things, as one does when trying to recollect an ecstatic experience amid a return to one’s dull ordinary existence. (Also, I wasn’t even trying to list the songs in order.) When I was planning to go to the concert I thought... pie-in-the-sky what would be the most amazing thing that could happen... and I though maybe if he touched my hand, that would be the most I could hope for. Maybe I’d get close enough. On the last tour he’d been amid the crowd (on some other fans’ shoulders this time) reaching out at those of us further back, but I totally chickened out on rushing forward to touch his hand. I thought, fuck it, this time I’ll try if I get the chance. You never know when a chance will be your last. I’ve lost so many people I loved (both personally and as a fan) in recent years and had my own health scares. 

During the second song, “Jesus Alone” (from The Skeleton Tree) Nick leaned out over those of us to the far end of Stage Left (or House Right) and swooped his hand down over us. I reached up and my fingers grazed his, and... I know it sounds like a goofy cliche but I felt a charge run through me. I thought, well, I got what I came for, now I can just relax and enjoy the show. Of course there was no relaxing during that particular show... all the other stuff I mentioned--the other contact-- came later, whenever he darted over to our end of the stage. The hand-stepping was my fault... I was trying to crouch down so he could get at the people behind me and reflexively grabbed the edge of the stage to balance myself, and his pointy-toes shoe came right down on my fingertips. It still smarts a little but... it’s really cool. I’m not a masochist but... still... really cool. He’s a very thin man anyhow, and didn’t put much weight on it.

During “Stagger Lee” Nick started pulling people up on stage to dance with him and act out various bits of the song. At first I though he was selecting all the pretty girls (and a few pretty boys, one of whom he ballroom-danced with) but then it became clear he wanted as many audience members as would fit up onstage with him. I demurred, figuring I’d already had more than my fair share of his attention. But then during the break before the final song, some fans who’d been behind me climbed up and motioned that I should follow, and dragged me up onto the stage, and I in turn helped a few more people up. Then we all sang “Push The Sky Away” to all the people stuck up in the balcony. It was amazing. I’ve seen Nick Cave six or seven times now, and his fans are the loveliest people I’ve ever been in a crowd with... I’ve always gone to his gigs alone (as none of my friends or family are fans) but I’ve never felt alone while there. And this concert was more astonishing than all the others put together...       

But the best part came during “Jubilee Street”... In planning to attend I was torn between which concert shirt to wear... the two finalists were both grey, to go with my favorite jeans. I ended up going with the lyric shirt for “Jubilee Street” since I’d bought that on the previous tour and really loved the song. In the lobby a pretty blonde who was much more dressed up for the occasion said, “Oh, that’s my favorite!” (I never wear dresses to concerts... or much at all really. I don’t have gender ID issues, but I’ve never been very “girly”.)

Anyhow I was thrilled that Nick included the song in the setlist, as on previous tours he hasn’t always done a lot of material from recent albums prior to the newest... but he still evidently values Push The Sky Away, and I rank it among his best work. During the performance he sauntered to my end of the stage again, then suddenly swooped down, grabbed my by the back of the head and brought his forehead up against mine. I was... I really have no words. I was left literally experiencing the final refrain of the song:

“I'm transforming/I’m vibrating/I’m glowing/I’m flying/Look at me now!”