Hi, as I mentioned in my last post, here is an update regarding everything. I was planning to post it earlier but it took me several days to complete.Ā
First of all, thanks to all the people who reached out during this rough time and thanks to everyone who follows my work for the patience. I needed some time for myself and my mental health and now Iām slowly going back on track. Iāll try to organize this post as much as possible so you donāt need to read everything if youāre not interested to.
The lab result about the autopsy on my dog were sent to us recently. The official cause of death has been heart-respiratory failure due to a malformation of the heart no one knew about. This disease had already started affecting other organs before the heart failure but it couldnāt have been detacted without specific exams. Due to a twist of fate, this is the same genetical issue that affect my father, brother and myself. We could have probably been preventing the heart attack if we knew this when she was a puppy, she loved to run chasing the ball or simply wandering around in our garden and field. Maybe we could have tried to make her take it easier, but no one has been the wiser. I donāt believe in paradise but I like to imagine her soul being around and running happily.
On another note, Stige is doing asĀ ābest as she canā. The left ear is completely healed in terms of operation wound and tissue since the tumor has been completely removed. The right ear isĀ āstableā. There she rejected the surgical thread and the metal pins that we tried to put later to close the remaining skin. This caused the wound to enlarge (itās around 7cm large, from the top of the eye to whatās left of the ear) but now it seems to have stopped (notice that this is a result of months). After all the necrotic tissueĀ ābroke offā along with some cartilage, the remaining one started creating mass. In most points itās almost at the same level as the skin, but the vet canāt say if itās scar tissue or neoplastic, the only sure thing is that the edges are slightly better than before. This growth is also affecting the internal ear, meaning that if she isnāt already due to the damage, she will certainly become deaf from that ear. The worst case scenario is the neoplastic tissue (that attacks only soft tissues) is going to spread to the pharynx and esophagus, making difficult for her to breath and eat. I talked to the vet about possible therapies against the cancer, but the only option to block it (still not 100% sure) is radiations, which are extremely expensive and arenāt done in my region. They arenāt something me and my family can afford, due to economic and transport reasons, not to mention the lockdown forbid us to go out of our region. She also have fragile skin and Iām slowly finding out wounds beneath the fur (sheās way fluffier than my cat), I was able to heal 3 of her paws, one is still healing cause it somehow regressed open. Last week I also find a bad wound on the tip of her tail, I cut off the fur but the wound is expanding and covers more than half of the skin, I tried to treat it as I treat the others but the scab is extremely hard and only today I was able to create a small opening to drain part of the blood and fluid, even if itās extremely painful for her. I also have some small good news, sheās been very curious about my cat lately. She canāt stay out of the cage or without the cone unsupervised cause she can hurt herself with my dadās tools and she tends to self harm on the wound, but I noticed sheās always looking for my cat (whoās free to roam around) and, I know it sound strange, after she saw her sharping her claws she started doing that too. She was also extremely afraid of jumping down the table cause she never tried after the operation months ago, but after she saw my cat do it easily, she keeps doing it every time I put her out of the cage (before I had to pick her up myself). Sheās not the best with balance due to her right ear, but she still manages to land on her feet. She also restarted meowing when she knows itās time for her treat after I medicate her cause itās what my cat does when itās time to go into the cage at evening, and I also think she is starting to like being taken in arm (I usually do this to help her get comfortable with human contact). I hope with all of my heart she can recover from this and beat the cancer. She started as a stray but I consider her my pet now and I love her as much as my cat.
Speaking of my cat, she seems to have completely recovered and doesnāt give signs of the illness coming back. She spends the afternoon out, but before itās dark she comes back inside the garage cause itās cold and the past winters she used to sleep with my dog for warmth. She seems to have been adapted well to this new routine. In the evening, when I medicate Stige, she usually runs around the garage or play with her stuffed toy by herself, she throw it around, pretend to hide (sheās gained weight as Stige so sheās not very good at hiding behind things) and then attack it like a T-rex. Itās a great distraction both for me and Stige while dealing with cleaning the wound. She also reduced a lot the hissing towards Stige, but is still wary (even if the only one to ever hiss or show claws was her, Stige or doesnāt care or looks at her likeĀ āwtf is wrong with youā). Iām so so glad she recovered well, and being able to spend so much time with her due to the new routine is amazing since my family has the policyĀ āno animals inside the houseā.
Uhm. Itās kinda hard to admit this and I hope you donāt get mad at me for this, but I paused any miraculous project and I donāt know when Iām going to restart. I know I left with Nino incomplete and still havenāt finished my second wave of sets, and I feel guilty for it, but, as I said several times, if Iām not feeling it Iām not going to work on it to avoid making things poorly. For weeks I was afraid to ask myself if I donāt like the show anymore, since I donāt evenĀ āconsumeā fanart now, but Iām pretty sure I still love it. I guess I became so detached from it due to several reasons, like Iām wating for the new season as everyone and when I looked for fanfics toĀ āfillā the wait months ago I didnāt quite find what I was looking for, so I stopped reading them too. Iām also trying to not guilt my mother for this, cause in the end is my decision, but I kinda had to also stop rewatching old seasons for example during breakfast cause if she notices it she becomes super "bad moodā and I donāt like the sensation of her being a ticking bomb. My brotherās phylosophy is do what you like and ignore her, but I would rather avoid any possible conflict cause she tends to backstab you with wath you love till she destroys it if she doesnāt like it. So, uhm, in conclusion at the moment I feel like is better if I put miraculous in a drawer till I feel like I can handle it with the same enthusiasm as before. Iām really sorry for this.
At the moment I donāt plan on working on any other set (KDA included). I donāt feel like I can handle it in terms of focusing my mind on big projects. On the other hand Iām (slowly) making some random things, especially accessories, if I feel particularly inspired. I hope you can still like some of them.
I wanted to apologize for my last post about the paranormal SP and other things I posted on other socials in the whim of my negative emotions. Iāve realized Iām being particularlyĀ āsalty/bitchy/killjoyā how you want to call it. Iām not proud of it and Iām sorry if it felt off. I feel like I have so much negativity/anger hidden behind the surface and Iām looking for a way to release this energy without any damage. In the meantime Iāll do my best to try to avoid posting while I donāt have a clear mind.Ā
Thanks again to all the people who have been here despite everything. Your support means everything to me ⤠hope you are all good and safeĀ ā¤ā¤