#ecliss

First of all, thanks to all the people who reached out during this rough time and thanks to everyone who follows my work for the patience. I needed some time for myself and my mental health and now I’m slowly going back on track. I’ll try to organize this post as much as possible so you don’t need to read everything if you’re not interested to.

My pets

The lab result about the autopsy on my dog were sent to us recently. The official cause of death has been heart-respiratory failure due to a malformation of the heart no one knew about. This disease had already started affecting other organs before the heart failure but it couldn’t have been detacted without specific exams. Due to a twist of fate, this is the same genetical issue that affect my father, brother and myself. We could have probably been preventing the heart attack if we knew this when she was a puppy, she loved to run chasing the ball or simply wandering around in our garden and field. Maybe we could have tried to make her take it easier, but no one has been the wiser. I don’t believe in paradise but I like to imagine her soul being around and running happily.

On another note, Stige is doing as “best as she can”. The left ear is completely healed in terms of operation wound and tissue since the tumor has been completely removed. The right ear is “stable”. There she rejected the surgical thread and the metal pins that we tried to put later to close the remaining skin. This caused the wound to enlarge (it’s around 7cm large, from the top of the eye to what’s left of the ear) but now it seems to have stopped (notice that this is a result of months). After all the necrotic tissue “broke off” along with some cartilage, the remaining one started creating mass. In most points it’s almost at the same level as the skin, but the vet can’t say if it’s scar tissue or neoplastic, the only sure thing is that the edges are slightly better than before. This growth is also affecting the internal ear, meaning that if she isn’t already due to the damage, she will certainly become deaf from that ear. The worst case scenario is the neoplastic tissue (that attacks only soft tissues) is going to spread to the pharynx and esophagus, making difficult for her to breath and eat. I talked to the vet about possible therapies against the cancer, but the only option to block it (still not 100% sure) is radiations, which are extremely expensive and aren’t done in my region. They aren’t something me and my family can afford, due to economic and transport reasons, not to mention the lockdown forbid us to go out of our region. She also have fragile skin and I’m slowly finding out wounds beneath the fur (she’s way fluffier than my cat), I was able to heal 3 of her paws, one is still healing cause it somehow regressed open. Last week I also find a bad wound on the tip of her tail, I cut off the fur but the wound is expanding and covers more than half of the skin, I tried to treat it as I treat the others but the scab is extremely hard and only today I was able to create a small opening to drain part of the blood and fluid, even if it’s extremely painful for her. I also have some small good news, she’s been very curious about my cat lately. She can’t stay out of the cage or without the cone unsupervised cause she can hurt herself with my dad’s tools and she tends to self harm on the wound, but I noticed she’s always looking for my cat (who’s free to roam around) and, I know it sound strange, after she saw her sharping her claws she started doing that too. She was also extremely afraid of jumping down the table cause she never tried after the operation months ago, but after she saw my cat do it easily, she keeps doing it every time I put her out of the cage (before I had to pick her up myself). She’s not the best with balance due to her right ear, but she still manages to land on her feet. She also restarted meowing when she knows it’s time for her treat after I medicate her cause it’s what my cat does when it’s time to go into the cage at evening, and I also think she is starting to like being taken in arm (I usually do this to help her get comfortable with human contact). I hope with all of my heart she can recover from this and beat the cancer. She started as a stray but I consider her my pet now and I love her as much as my cat.

Speaking of my cat, she seems to have completely recovered and doesn’t give signs of the illness coming back. She spends the afternoon out, but before it’s dark she comes back inside the garage cause it’s cold and the past winters she used to sleep with my dog for warmth. She seems to have been adapted well to this new routine. In the evening, when I medicate Stige, she usually runs around the garage or play with her stuffed toy by herself, she throw it around, pretend to hide (she’s gained weight as Stige so she’s not very good at hiding behind things) and then attack it like a T-rex. It’s a great distraction both for me and Stige while dealing with cleaning the wound. She also reduced a lot the hissing towards Stige, but is still wary (even if the only one to ever hiss or show claws was her, Stige or doesn’t care or looks at her like “wtf is wrong with you”). I’m so so glad she recovered well, and being able to spend so much time with her due to the new routine is amazing since my family has the policy “no animals inside the house”.

Miraculous

Uhm. It’s kinda hard to admit this and I hope you don’t get mad at me for this, but I paused any miraculous project and I don’t know when I’m going to restart. I know I left with Nino incomplete and still haven’t finished my second wave of sets, and I feel guilty for it, but, as I said several times, if I’m not feeling it I’m not going to work on it to avoid making things poorly. For weeks I was afraid to ask myself if I don’t like the show anymore, since I don’t even “consume” fanart now, but I’m pretty sure I still love it. I guess I became so detached from it due to several reasons, like I’m wating for the new season as everyone and when I looked for fanfics to “fill” the wait months ago I didn’t quite find what I was looking for, so I stopped reading them too. I’m also trying to not guilt my mother for this, cause in the end is my decision, but I kinda had to also stop rewatching old seasons for example during breakfast cause if she notices it she becomes super "bad mood” and I don’t like the sensation of her being a ticking bomb. My brother’s phylosophy is do what you like and ignore her, but I would rather avoid any possible conflict cause she tends to backstab you with wath you love till she destroys it if she doesn’t like it. So, uhm, in conclusion at the moment I feel like is better if I put miraculous in a drawer till I feel like I can handle it with the same enthusiasm as before. I’m really sorry for this.

Other CCs and Sets

At the moment I don’t plan on working on any other set (KDA included). I don’t feel like I can handle it in terms of focusing my mind on big projects. On the other hand I’m (slowly) making some random things, especially accessories, if I feel particularly inspired. I hope you can still like some of them.

Me

I wanted to apologize for my last post about the paranormal SP and other things I posted on other socials in the whim of my negative emotions. I’ve realized I’m being particularly “salty/bitchy/killjoy” how you want to call it. I’m not proud of it and I’m sorry if it felt off. I feel like I have so much negativity/anger hidden behind the surface and I’m looking for a way to release this energy without any damage. In the meantime I’ll do my best to try to avoid posting while I don’t have a clear mind. 

Stige is doing okay in terms of energy (she wants to walk and jump, and she meows a lot when she sees us cause she wants to go out of the cage) but there aren't good news about the right ear (the one with the open wound). She had cancerous tissue on both of her ears, the left one was removed completely but the one on the right spread on the wound, in fact the skin were the surgery happened went necrotic and is rejecting the wire. She's basically as open as before on the head so now we're trying with honey to "feed" the flesh under the usual oil for healing. The vet said if the ear can't heal the alternative is kemio (but she's not sure it's going to work) or euthanasia.

On another note my 9 year old cat started to act strange on Sunday. I told my parents but they said she might just have a bad mood. I knew it wasn't a mood, I know our cat. So yesterday evening my dad looked at her and noticed she was acting lethargic and wasn't eating (as I said to them before) so today we brought her to the vet and she said she has kidney failure. She was dehydrated and lost lots of weight (she's usually very skinny during summer but around this time she gains lots of weight for winter), when I put her out of the carrier she was like a ragdoll with eyes opened. She started to feel a little better after the vet gave her physiological solution under the skin (she gave it to her 4 times), she told me to feed her food made liquid with water and she ate around 20-25ml, I gave her the med (some kind of edible oil mix) but she started trying to throw up so tomorrow I'll try to mix it with food. Her body temperature was also very low so now she's inside the car box inside a box with insulation. She tried to move a few times but she's very wobbly. I hope she can recover soon, I've been crying for two days and this morning the news about Stige didn't help. I just want them to heal and feel better and be happy and playful as they deserve to be. This is the most recent picture of my cat I have (around august/September), I love her with all of my life, I adopted her when she was a kitten along with our dog. I don't want her to not be here anymore. I can't.