I Just Canāt Win with My Mom
So, today, I proudly told my mom that I hit 30 followers on Tumblr. Like, I was genuinely excited. 30 whole people are out there somehow caring about my thoughts and content. Thatās a win, right? I thought, āHey, maybe my mom will get it. She might even care that her kid is out here living the dream in the vast void of the internet.ā
And then, she hits me with this gem:
āI have two. On eBay.ā
I just stared at her. Iām not even sure I blinked. Did she really just say that? Did my mom just try to one-up me by flexing her two followers on eBay?
Like, I couldnāt even process it at first. She was completely serious, all like, āIāve got two followers on eBay. Thatās social media too, right?ā
And Iām standing there, facepalming internally, trying to figure out how to explain that eBay is not social media. So I calmly (but internally screaming) say, āMom, the social in social media is because you can, you know, interact with other people. Like, comment, share stuff, have conversations⦠basically anything that doesnāt involve buying and selling your weird, out-of-date kitchenware.ā
And she hits me back with: āWell, you can do that on eBay too. I talk to people all the time about my listings!ā
Okay, hold on. Excuse me? NO. You donāt just get to sell your old VHS tapes and think thatās the same as engaging in an actual social community where people share memes, argue about fictional characters, and post their latest existential crises. Just because someone messages you asking if youāll ship to Estonia doesnāt mean youāre suddenly socializing. Itās eBay, mom. Not Facebook.
I spent the next 10 minutes explaining how, no, eBay is not where social media happens, but I could see her eyes glaze over. Itās like Iām talking to a brick wall, and the wall is convinced that "selling your used socks" is a social experience. Like, okay, mom, sure. Whatever you say.
So now, every time I open Tumblr, Iām gonna have this little voice in the back of my head reminding me that my mom thinks sheās a social media influencer with her two followers on eBay. I might as well just quit the internet right now because thatās it. Sheās out here thinking eBay is the next Twitter.
Iāve tried to convince her otherwise. I really have. But I think Iām just going to let her live in this delusion where sheās one message away from becoming the next eBay Queen. š
Meanwhile, Iāll just sit here, watching my follower count grow and waiting for the day she asks if I can help her grow her āonline presenceā on eBay. Iām ready. š














