word count - 1.4k second part of the secrets you keep - hopeful version - part one can be found here trigger warnings - self harm, talk of suicide, very bad mental health please prioritise your own mental health before choosing to read this and as always my requests are open :)
That night, the house slowly settled into a quiet calm. The usual hum of the city outside had softened to a distant whisper, and inside, everything felt still, almost too still. The light from the hallway had been dimmed long ago, leaving the guest room bathed in soft shadows. The kind of shadows that seem to hold their breath, waiting.
Kyra stayed behind, curled up beside you on the narrow bed, her body a warm, comforting presence against your side. Her hair brushed your cheek, faintly scented with shampoo, and every now and then her shoulder pressed lightly against yours, as if afraid to let go. She shifted occasionally in her sleep, the faint rise and fall of her breathing soft against your skin, a fragile rhythm that kept the darkness from swallowing you whole.
The room was small but safe, and the silence between you felt fragile - like the quiet right before a storm breaks loose. You lay there, eyes tracing the dark shapes of the ceiling, your hands resting limply on your stomach. Your fingers twitched slightly, but you didn’t move. The silence wrapped around you like a heavy blanket, suffocating and familiar. You wanted to speak, to say something, anything, but the words felt stuck somewhere deep inside your throat.
Your mind raced, spiraling through memories, regrets, and fears you’d tried so hard to bury. You thought about the pills. The ones you had taken without anyone knowing, despite Katie’s efforts to lock everything away. The pills hidden in the top drawer of Katie’s bedside table - how you’d found the lock broken open one day when no one was looking. How easy it had been to slip them into your pocket. How you’d told Kyra you’d thrown everything out, hoping she’d believe you.
You swallowed hard and finally broke the silence.
“I was going to kill myself tonight.”
The words hung in the air like a shattering glass, jagged and raw.
Kyra stiffened beside you. Her breath hitched. “What?”
You didn’t turn to her. Your voice was robotic, devoid of emotion, distant and numb. “I had the pills. I had it all planned. After tonight. I was ready.”
Kyra’s body tensed, a cold shock running through her. She blinked, confused, disbelief flooding her eyes.
“Pills? What pills?” Her voice cracked. “Where did you even get them? Katie made sure… she told me she did a deep clean of her house. Locked up anything sharp, every bit of medication. To keep you safe. You said you didn’t have any pills.”
You said nothing. The silence was louder than words.
Kyra’s jaw clenched so tight it ached. Her eyes flicked away, then back, searching your face as if hoping to find some clue, some lie that might explain this betrayal.
“You lied to me,” she whispered, voice breaking. “You said you were feeling better.”
Finally, you turned your head slowly to look at her, your eyes dull and tired, like they were trying to hide from the truth. “I needed you to believe me. Otherwise… I wouldn’t have been allowed to go through with it tonight.”
For a long moment, Kyra closed her eyes and breathed deeply through her nose, trying to suck all the anger and panic back inside. She swallowed the scream she wanted to let out, the scream that threatened to shatter everything.
“Tell me the whole plan,” she said, voice hollow and broken.
“I was going to wait till you were asleep,” you said quietly, voice flat and measured, “so I could have one more night with you. Just one. And then… then I wouldn’t wake up. But it’s okay, because my final moments would be with you.”
You paused briefly, as if weighing each word carefully before continuing.
“I picked just after midnight. It was the quietest time, the house asleep, no distractions, no one to hear or stop me.”
“The pills… I took them from Katie’s bedside table. The top drawer. I knew she’d been locking up anything sharp or dangerous. But that drawer was unlocked. I didn’t have to break anything or make noise. I just slipped them out.”
You spoke as if reading from a script, every word deliberate, every detail laid out with unsettling calm.
“I counted them carefully, enough to make sure it would work, enough so I wouldn’t wake up again. The plan was simple: take the pills, lie down, and wait.”
You looked at the ceiling, your tone hollow, “I thought about how you’d find me in the morning, how you might try to stop me, but by then… it would be too late. I thought about the silence, the finality.”
You swallowed hard but kept your voice steady. “I was ready.”
Kyra sat frozen, one hand pressed against her mouth to stifle the gasp she wanted to let out. The bile rose in her throat as she listened to you describe your own death so clinically. It was almost unbearable.
When you finished, her face had drained of all color.
“Okay,” she whispered, voice breaking. “Okay, I… Katie needs to be here. Katie needs to hear this.”
Without hesitation, she called out, her voice trembling and loud enough to echo down the hallway, shaking the silence. “Katie! Caitlin! Come here! Now!”
The sound of hurried footsteps filled the stillness. Katie appeared first, eyes wide with concern, Caitlin right behind her, calm but clearly alarmed.
“What’s wrong?” Katie asked, her gaze flickering between you and Kyra.
Kyra slowly pushed herself upright from the bed, her entire body trembling as if caught in the grip of a storm she couldn’t control. Her hands didn’t leave yours, they clung tightly, as though holding on to you was the only anchor keeping her steady. Her eyes were wide, searching, flooded with a mix of fear, disbelief, and heartbreak.
“She… she’s not okay,” Kyra’s voice cracked, barely more than a whisper at first, raw and fragile. She swallowed hard, struggling to keep the panic from overwhelming her. “She told me… she told me she was going to kill herself. Tonight. She said it - all of it. The plan, the pills… everything.”
Her breath hitched as she struggled to keep calm, but the weight of the confession was crushing her. “I didn’t know… I thought she was getting better. I thought we were all helping her.”
Kyra’s voice cracked, tears welling up, her words barely more than a whisper. “We have to do something. We have to help her.”
Katie’s face tightened, confusion quickly twisting into heartbreak. “But… I locked everything away. I checked twice. How did she even get them?”
Your eyes flickered down toward the drawer, the shame and fear pooling inside you like a storm.
Caitlin stepped further into the room, her voice gentle but steady. “Where are they, love? The pills?”
You hesitated, swallowing hard, the weight of the moment pressing down. Your gaze shifted (first to Kyra, then to Katie) before you finally pointed wordlessly toward the drawer.
Without hesitation, Caitlin moved quickly and pulled out the bottle. Her breath caught as she saw it was still nearly full.
Katie sat down on the edge of the bed beside you, reaching out to gently brush a stray strand of hair behind your ear, her touch tender and grounding. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
Your voice cracked, fragile as a thread. “I didn’t want you to be mad.”
Katie’s eyes welled with tears, but she kept her voice steady, filled with fierce love. “We’re not mad. We’re scared. We love you. And we’re going to help you.”
Caitlin nodded firmly, her hand resting lightly on your shoulder. “This doesn’t end here, alright? We’re going to figure it out. Together.”
Kyra sat back down beside you, pulling your hand into hers again. Though her own body still trembled, her grip was steady, anchoring you in the storm.
Katie exhaled slowly, meeting your eyes with a soft intensity. “We think it’s best if we go back to the hospital. Just for now. To keep you safe.”
You didn’t argue. You didn’t have the strength to.
You just nodded, a small, fragile hope flickering inside you.
You were still here.
And for now, that was enough.
