#eamonn.

I'm so scared I hurt eamonn tonight. He was so drunk and upset and I made it so much worse. I never realised how much he meant to me and when he cried and I couldn't make it stop I swear I died. I'm so angry at myself. I shouldn't mean this much to him. And I'm so scared that when I leave, when I die, he won't cope. I learnt that tonight. He crashed more than I did. He became so raw and upset and it's my fault and all my problems that brought it on. Call me selfish but I brought his unhappiness. My unhappiness caused him to cry. My unwillingness to live made him cry. And he doesn't know it, he means the world to me. Everything to me. I don't know how I lived without him and I don't know if I ever can. But how can I live to die knowing he can't survive without me. I promised I would never leave him. I can't ever die without breaking that promise. I will never break that. And maybe that will the only thing that keeps me here in the end. Him. I've never wanted to disappear more than right now.