#e meter

XENU : OR HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND JUST LOVE THE ALIEN BASTARD!

There's a new Scientology church down the road from me rehoused in this incredible listed building they had faithfully restored down to the original iron window frames, honey alabaster fire place, intricate wooden carvings, looks like Victorianism gone LSD. Millions of pounds invested by them in restoration for indoctrination.

I recall back in 2001 when I first encountered these people in the Indoor Convention Centre, they weren't large in number then, think Mormons abroad, or Buddhist centre in working man's club, though they claim they have been in my city since the late sixties, a claim I am almost certain amounts to some dude had a picture of L Ron in their house and a few dusty sci-fi books destined to be pulped, like sunken sludgey dreams of baccofoil. 

On that day, back in two thousand and one, I met this branch of Scientologists & experienced the "E metre" first hand. 

I was told about "the bridge" that trial we all face in life where the higher levels are beyond but you gotta read a lotta new age stuff to get to Ott III or whatever it's called, "Dianetics"; their wonderful "science" about mental health, apparently, 

Also they told me about the author of this body of work & accompanying ideology by their prolific founder : L Ron, a enigmatic chappy who I asked about straight off the bat. 

"He is a famous philosopher, thinker, innovator", (said the twinkle eyed bespectacled gent in a lab coat, ghosted in turn by a pretty twenty something office temp in a pencil skirt hovering around him,) 

"besides Dianetics what did L Ron write?" I asked, 

"oh, he meditated deeply upon the human condition and was also a popular science fiction novelist". 

O’ really?!!

"So is this science, or something to do with hypnosis?" I also probed, 

"it's neither," replied this silver haired, wide eyed, smartly attired robot/bloke, and smugly added, "it's Scientology".

After my friend and I got out alive (without signing up to ya know, a cult,) I looked on AOL thruough it’s creaky neolithic dialup squawks (probably ask Jeeves or something like that, Atavista?) and sure enough II found this site called Operation Clambake (which is still going strong,) and that's the first time I read about Xenu.

According to L Rob Mother Hubbard : Xenu was actually this intergalactic warlord, far more despotic than Kahn, this hard knock lived millions and millions of years ago flanked by dezions and henchmen (and women,) he ruled with an iron fist, a bit like Vada gone Hitler via Putin (almost certainly with an impressive leather codpiece,) therein unchallenged he enslaved humanity by stranding their alien souls here on Earth or some fanciful name it was called at the time. He set about dumping their frozen cosmic bodies in the mouths of volcanoes, nuking em with H bombs, generally killing em'! We forgot this traumatic past life (I know right?,) of xenomorphic genocide cuz of these bad memories personified as Theatans, an auditor (for a sum of money,) helps you regress to these past lives and eventually you let go of material possessions and if you're lucky (and spend 30k+,) you get given this manila envelope about Xenu, typeset by L Ron himself! 

It's funny cuz Xenu sounds not at all dissimilar or alike to something I read in a comic by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby in Journey Into Mystery. Which was published around the time L Ron started devising Scientology. But that's just being facetious 🤔 

By that point in the auditing (your very soul and personality,) you've learned about your past life doing super interesting things a few hundred, few million, or even a few trillion years ago. Yeah, the universe is only 14 billion years old. But don't worry, that's just the Theatans planting false information, like fossils in the grand canyon, all just ya know, fake realities.Shit put there to test us!

The church is going hard advertising their new indoctrination chamber so I gotta vent somewhere! Like most cults, it’s good to be wary of them, but also not take them too seriously! The internet has thined them out a tad since their founding.

In closing, if a lot of the above practices used within Scientology sounds like manipulation of the mentally ill, the traumatised, and such, well, it’s because it probably is! It’s a disgusting abuse of various methods (similar to the self help of CBT , deep hypnosis ) repackaged for Scientologists own monotary gain and power for little more than the offering of fairy tales for a fee! They essentially bastardised other psychiatric practices that are beneficial and repackaged it as a neat galactic cult. So all jokes aside, it’s a little fucked up to say the least! It’s more analysis than mere opinion in this case, it is the responsibility of any segement of society towards others with mental health illness or struggle, to treat such humans with respect and not indoctrinate them into our own ideologies, beliefs and world views.   

William S. Burroughs at the Church of Scientology’s Saint Hill 1950’s & 60’s England