#dytshf

I am also in a massive mood to play ARK again because one of the best DLCs just got its remaster release. Then again, I think I am so excited not because of it and what has come with it but rather more so it marks that Genesis Part 2 comes next and that was the really juicy one of the two. Which is insane to say, right, ‘cause both of them revolutionized the game when they came out.

Or rather, perhaps I am simply in an ARK mood. There was the new DLC that I haven’t touched yet and apparently there were some new things going on and some apparent retconning of things. Which makes things really interesting ‘cause I’m wondering if it’s world-building lore or if it’s the story they’ve got going on, ‘cause if it’s the former, then we might have some issues with that DYTSHF? related story I wanted to do for it. I could always say fuck it and all but I’m also a sucker for wiggling things into being compliant with canon. I guess we’re gonna find out on that?

I may also just refresh myself on pre-Ascended lore — there’s plenty of videos for that and all — and go with what I’ve already got plot-pointed out.

Secondly, I debated writing any of this down at all or whether or not to be specific about it if I did, but I’m thinking about it quite a lot. But I still feel a little silly. I do also want to note that my ability to write again started before this, but the last few days have certainly had a feeling to them.

So, when I was quite young, probably a young tween, I discovered Linkin Park. Pretty good age for them, right? This was long enough before their third studio album came out that I was able to learn of that being made and get hyped up for its release. LP is one of those things that’s been in my life for a very long time. I was devastated to hear of Chester Bennington’s death in 2017. (iykyk...) For so many reasons, it still upsets me on a personal level, something something relatable music as a child and all that and then add in growing up to understand more of the band members’ plights and being able to actually empathize properly with people.

When it slipped that the band was becoming active again with many new members, I wasn’t sure what to think. I was never against the idea, but I was perplexed; I was even more curious of what was going on when we learned more about her. But, at the end of the day, I think the new vocalist works pretty well with them. I know it isn’t a drama free return they made, but they all seem to work together well, so good for them.

But, with that in mind, I still occasionally look at the Reddit feed on a very old account of mine that’s not tailored to anything specific, so it’s also subbed to the LP subreddit. Someone shared a moment from one of their recent live shows and it was hard to listen to given all of the contexts surrounding it.

Specifically, it was the way they perform ‘Waiting for the End’ nowadays. It was quite touching, and also horribly difficult to see so many people — people who I certainly looked up to as a child with all kinds of crazy hopes and dreams — so upset. Very specifically, it was this instance. (if the link doesn’t work / is dead in the future, it’s the June 21 2026 Rock in Rio show.) I don’t keep up with them the way I used to, I no longer live and breathe this band like my life depends on it, but man was it hard to watch/listen to, it is such a heartfelt performance.

(Before I segue into something else, I also want to note that if you looked at that link and enjoyed it at all, possibly consider skimming through the tribute concert they did back in 2017 in honor of Chester. Specifically, if I had to pick for one moment of that to share with you, it would be Numb.)

And funnily enough, rather than talking about my silly fanfiction, I’m sat here appreciating that I can feel the way I do at all over someone I never met. There’s something magical about the way we can influence one another in this world like that. There’s more to be said about me being medicated nowadays. Don’t get me wrong, I was very upset back in the day when it happened, but the BPD would normally make it difficult for me to be anything other than... well, numb, or indifferent. I don’t miss being that way. Being able to give a fuck is nice.

I consider that pretty much everything is temporary quite often. I don’t like it, but it is the way it is. Living in the moment is important. I hate that something weird and small might go wrong and then that’s it, everything’s changed forever, or that that’s it, that it’s the end for someone.

Aspects of DYTSHF? consider this. It was never really just “hee hee hoo haa funny pirate game fanfic,” it has those moments, but it was always a little more personal than I’ve ever led on. More than I’ll ever lead on, I think.

But, OC is at a very important part right now. Given that I haven’t updated in three months, the last chapter, and that I also haven’t talked explicitly on what’s going to happen in this particular moment, I imagine it might feel a bit like it’s coming out of nowhere. In reality, this moment is probably The Moment™ that made me take up writing the DYTSHF? project as a whole. All good stories their moments that stick out, and this should really be The One that sticks out, not just for it being the final part of OC, but also for its significance.

Without spoiling anything at this point, not when I could just wait a little longer to talk openly about things, I think the best way to put it is that... the end of OC is essentially the beginning of DYTSHF? ‘Waiting for the End’ is a bit of a double-whammy in that regard: it fits thematically in the story, and I suppose it also fits for how I’m feeling about it all.

I could attribute this some to some musical inspiration that I’ve rediscovered, sure, but I think it’s got a bit more to do with not being sure on the pacing/sizing of these chapters. I wasn’t sure if each part I needed to do after a certain point would be long or short enough, and blessedly I’ve ended up with two chapters worth of writing here that feels pretty good so far. I’ve also got a very basic outline on the next chapter and I think that covers what it needs to.

(It’s going well.)

I’m.

Hrm.

That’s... very interesting. And weird.

I’m making sourdough again today as it’s a poor day for fishing. Doing stuff feels great.

On the other hand, it seems that I’ve been thinking about The End™ of Opposing Colours for a while now.

I went through some of my rambling tag and then the DYTSHF tag itself and it looks like it occurred to me somewhere around a year ago at this point that I was approaching the proper ending of OC. In retrospect, I think that’s elicited some sort of ‘oh shit’ effect in me, or at least did for a while.

Also, I have just learned that illicit/elicit (–ed) are two different words! I think. Well, I know in this moment that they’re two different words — I’m just pretty sure that I knew at some point and then forgot, haha.

But back on topic — looking back at my ramblings, it seems I got a bit carried away with OC approaching its end. I’ve spoken off and on about this effect its had on me, but I find it quite bothersome. I’m really not sure what this is exactly and it’s very annoying in a perplexing kind of way.

I’m also wondering if it has a bit to do with that thing where if you talk about a thing, particularly as an ADHD having person, then your brain registers that you have ‘done the thing’ and you no longer have drive to actually do the thing. It feels a bit like that might have happened. Somewhat. Then again, last year was weird with my search and eventual giving up on finding a psychiatrist to handle my problems and prescribe medications — all of that definitely had some hand in it. Bless the primary care doc I found for taking that role.

At 1600 words so far, this chapter’s shaping up to be a lot of talking. I knew this ‘moment’ would be, but it still seems... excessive, somehow? If I had to define my writing as being heavier on actions or dialogue, I’m not sure what I would say but I think I’d lean more towards actions — I do enjoy a good fight scene. But I’ve also written some pieces that are heavy on dialogue, even occasionally doing dialogue-only pieces as exercise.

But that has me excited. This chapter dragged a bit for the writing part and I ended up writing two very similar scenes, but I hope that errrrhhhh uh WORDS ARE HARD – I hope it sets the – EXPECTATIONS??? – I hope it does what I want it to do and sets expectations / the stage for how things (generally?) go. Blue and Z not having any crazy fights as Reapers is generally how things should be, if not avoiding fights entirely. The constant fighting that a SoT session can be translates a bit strangely into the story, especially at this point so… yeah, chill is good.

BUT that doesn’t mean that the update of Ships of Fortune was all quiet interactions. But it’s funny I say that because it first came to me as ‘we didn’t have only stealthy encounters’ but that is precisely what the one that comes to mind was. goDS IT IS SUCH A GOOD STORY.

Without getting into all the details, DYTSHF? was supposed to be an origin story. After that, perhaps it could have told a few stories of some moments. It was, originally, supposed to be something like maybe 3-6 parts, potentially long parts (like 10k words, long for a oneshot or chapter). Then it was, briefly, something that I explored our bullshitted crew lore in, and then eventually it just ran amok and became its own thing. A very large thing. There are bits and pieces and tidbits and hints of truth, of reality within it, you could say, but more so than not, DYTSHF? very much tells a story-story.

Which is to say, there are, well, stories, and then there are stories. Some of them are based on real events, but not all of them, and even then, those that are have often had some small details changed, or occasionally a few large ones. Of course, the more untouched stories are the more ridiculous ones, haha.

Sea of Thieves has so much potential for story-telling that it seems very obvious in retrospect that this happened. I never, ever would have planned for this, though, not with how I was five years ago. Coincidentally, it has been right around exactly five years since I started working on DYTSHF? in earnest.

OC only came to be in its final(ish) form when I realized that having one story for everything that I wanted to cover was ridiculous and that I would end up with something unfathomably long, much too long for one singular story in more than one definition. Thus, I started breaking things up. Originally there were… what, three sections? And then I stopped worrying so much about making them all equally sized and just accepted that OC would be the black sheep of the family.