Do you ever wonder, maybe lonely souls arenāt meant to shine? That theyāre only meant to merge with this universe because thatās where they truly belong?
- itās 5AM and I canāt fall asleep // anticativist

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Do you ever wonder, maybe lonely souls arenāt meant to shine? That theyāre only meant to merge with this universe because thatās where they truly belong?
- itās 5AM and I canāt fall asleep // anticativist

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my heartās breaking, every time i see those sweet words, uttered all for her; wishing so dearly they were for me. iām not even sure if my heart has a right to be breaking at all. neon pink lights and bitten pink lips, thatās all we ever were. so who the fuck am i to be acting like this? to be shedding these tears to these sad love songs, all for you.
you were never my glittery pink dreams to begin with; you were always hers // moonchild // odes to seoul #2
neon pink lights, bitten pink lips; youāre so soft and sinful and simpleā¦uncannily so. whether weāre kissing under the moonlight or smoking together on those dingy stairs, nothing is a game with you; i get exactly whatās on the surface. see dealing with toxic things is what iāve perfected, but you? darling you are something else; youāre what my glittery pink dreams were made of. a sassy companion, a friendly foe, all rolled into one sweet, soft pink candy.
pink was the colour of us // moonchild // odes to seoul #1
I donāt think of you as often as I used to, donāt let myself cry over you as often, donāt see the ghosts of you in the crowds as often; But some days, months apart from each other, I still do. Godā¦.to think I couldnāt imagine a future that you werenāt a part of once upon a time. And despite the fact that I survived just fine with this gaping hole in my heart, despite the fact that I laughed, cried and made new memories with this pain crawling under my skin, its still on the tip of my tongue; āI still love himā I could move across the ocean or across the universe itself and it would still be there, right underneath the surface.
Some days I feel so fucking empty without you baby, wonāt you come visit me in my twisted little dreamland just once? // moonchild
Sometimes I wonder if you ever wonder where we are or how we are doing. I wonder if you know if you think of the times we spent, the things we saw you through, the words you said. I wonder if you wonder like I do. I wonder if you remember what I look like. I wonder if you remember what you looked like when you werenāt this hollow shell. I wonder if you even remember who you are anymore.
empty, hollow shell // moonchildĀ

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22 years old, alive and breathing, bones and blood, but Iām an empty vessel for my hurting heart. My mind is always stuck in the past. My soul is always reliving a memory. I say Iāve moved on, grown up, let it go, forgotten all about it, but truth to be told Iām always stuck in history. There are these moments that have clung onto me so desperately that I canāt move past them, these instances that have left me so devastated Iāve lost pieces of my being to them; hollow body, fruitless tears, desolate mind. Iām here now, but my mind is always stuck in that bedroom, on that bed, under those covers. I live my life reliving that violation of trust. Iām here now, but my mind is always on that rooftop, realising my father chose his family over his little girl. I live my life reliving that betrayal. Iām here now, but my mind is always on that swing at 3am, promises of forever turning to ashes in that warm summer night. I live my life reliving that heartbreak. My body may be here, but my soul is lost somewhere in the past; still shaping me up to this day.
its difficult to realise just how much of who you are stems from these brief moments in history // a.b