To my dear best friend,
I miss you that sometimes I just stop what I’m doing and I can’t breathe anymore. How could you do this to me and make me weak? I cry almost every night missing you. You were the person closest to me and now even I don’t have that. I miss our talks. I miss how we could mindlessly say whatever comes to mind and we don’t judge one another. I miss your smile and your loud cackle. I miss how despite how rough you were on the outside, you always had a good heart and the best intentions on the inside.
So many people misjudged you and saw you as a bad or mean or an insensitive person, but I never once saw that. All I saw was a broken boy trying to get by day to day and I hate myself for not trying harder to help you.
It’s my fault you ended up this way. I neglected you and I didn’t put in more effort in trying to get you better and as a result… you’re gone. I let this happen. I stood by and watched.
GOD I HATE MYSELF.
Fuck you for leaving.
You broke my heart.
Now I’m left with missing you everyday and an ache in my chest that won’t go away.
I hate you but I miss you and I wish you were here to hold me as I shed more tears.
But I’m so sorry I wasn’t good enough. I’m so so so sorry. even though I say I hate you, really… I hate myself…
And the worst part…
You’ll never see this.
-Mei
