#dumb tree

It was dark and dingy when the small group stepped outside of their spaceship into the much larger spaceship they crashed landed into.

Groot looked around. He couldn’t even see six feet ahead of him.

“I can barely see.” The blue-green man, for which Groot couldn’t remember his name so bluntly stated.

“No shit, Sherlock.” Rocket’s first immediate comment Groot knew that his friend would surely say if he was here come into his mind. But, alas, Rocket was not here. He was busy helping protect the city below from an alien attack.

Groot then held out one of his hands and open his palm. Tiny golden spores then spewed forth and lit up the cavernous belly of the ship.

Amazed, the burly man then asked “Where did you learn how to do that?”

The human in the group answered flatly, “I’m pretty sure the answer is ‘I am Groot.’” Groot looks at him as if to say “I’m Bob Ross, man!”

As they walked through the corridor, the blue-green man said how thankful he was to finally have friends.

“You, Peter Quill, are my friend.”

“Thanks.”

“This dumb tree, he too is my friend.” The man motioned to Groot, who grunted, insulted by the comment He then looked at his Bob Ross doll in his hand and clutched it tighter to his chest.

“And this green-.” 

“Oh, will you stop it!” She snapped at the man as the two heavily armed doors opened and out walked a thin blue woman who, by Groot’s best guess knew the woman in their group by the way that they referred to each other as “Sister.” 

She then went on to fight her “sister”, telling Groot and the others to fight off the guards as they came. They did pretty good for a while, taking out guard by guard. But that was one guard at a time. Eventually, the guards wised up and they came out in pairs, groups of 3, 4 etc. until there was a large throng of at least 10-20 guards coming up from the lower levels. 

The two other beings with Groot weren’t able to take them on by themselves. That’s when Groot came in and without a second thought, extended one of his branch-like arms out like a spear and pierced the group in the middle as if they were nothing more than pieces of steak on a shish-kebab. Dumbfounded, the guards that weren’t stabbed through their bodies just stared at their brethren in awe. That’s when Groot let through a fierce battle shout and began to thrash his arm skewered with the guards from side to side, smashing everything in sight up against the walls until Groot noticed that the guards were dead. Pleased with himself, Groot turned to his comrades and gave them the biggest, silliest smile of his life as if to say “I did it, mommy!”

Shortly after that, the door to the control room was open and they met up with the green woman, her “sister” nowhere to be found having escaped moments earlier. 

The human then took out one of Rocket’s improvised guns that he specially built for this mission and aimed it at the cloaked figure that had a mace that was just as tall as he was and had a weird purple stone embedded into the head. Unfortunately, the human missed the shot and the man was about to obliterate Groot and the others as they heard a crash.

There was Rocket in his spaceship aiming for the cloaked figure, screaming. Groot just stared at Rocket as the smaller ship the raccoon was flying crashed through the much larger one of their enemy. Luckily, someone knocked Groot out of the way of Rocket’s spaceship. Unfortunately, the impact of the crash weakened the interior of the enemy ship that they were now trapped in.

As pieces of the much larger ship came down around them, Groot took a look at his surroundings. Rocket was still strapped into his small spaceship, alive, but unconscious. The human went over to the smaller spaceship to undo Rocket’s seat belts and bring him over to Groot. The blue-green man was thrown over to a corner, bruised and rendered unconscious too, albeit more severely than Rocket. The woman dragged the much larger man’s body to where Groot and the human, who was holding Rocket’s limp rodent-like body in his arms.

Groot knew what he had to do. Without a second thought, he kneeled down and outstretched his arms as tiny twigs and branches enveloped him and his companions into a protective cocoon with spores inside to illuminate the inside. As the branches wrapped around the still-unconscious blue-green man in a sturdy blanket, Groot’s best friend, Rocket woke up and saw what was happening.

“No, Groot!” He said, holding back tears as he got up from the human’s arms and gingerly walked over to the tree that was now part of the ball.

“You can’t.” He looked Groot in the eyes as he leaned up on him. He was about to cry for the first time in his life. “You’ll die.”

“Why are you doing this?” Rocket asked his friend, the tears ready to come out of his beady little eyes. “Why?”

Groot outstretches a tiny branch to wipe away a tear from Rocket’s eye. 

“We... are... Groot.” He told his friend as he closed his eyes and says nothing as he sees a bright light as the ship came crashing down.

“I AM GROOT!” The tree shouted as he woke up from his dream and sat up straight in his bed.

“I am Groot. I am Groot.” He said frantically to make sure that he was still alive as he patted various parts of his body.

“I am Groot.” Groot brought his knees to his chest and began to rock himself back and forth on his bed, making it creak thanks to the shift in weight, in an effort to calm himself down. He then reached over to his nightstand to hold a little Bob Ross doll.

Five minutes later, Groot was still unable to shake the memory of his dream. He got up and opened the door to his room. The tree made his way down the long, narrow, dark hallway until he came to another closed door. Groot was about to knock until he remembered who was sound asleep in that room. Quietly, he opened the door, careful to not even make it squeak. 

Inside, the room was pitch black with only the moonlight providing just enough light for Groot to see. On one wall was a gun safe filled with the most advanced weaponry the galaxy has ever seen. On another wall, there was a workbench set up with all sorts of gun parts and taking up about 90% of the table was an unfinished prototype blaster that the room’s occupant was busy building.

On the last wall there was a king-sized bed that looked extremely comfortable. Groot was about to lay down until he noticed the lump in the middle surrounded by blankets. This lump was Rocket, who was curled up in a ball and in the middle of a really intense dream.

“Well, at least he’s having a good dream.” Groot thought as he looked at his friend.

Groot then carefully lifted the blankets and gingerly got into the bed, taking great care to not make the bed creak or to shift the weight of the mattress to not make Rocket, who was a very light sleeper, wake up. Groot then gets comfortable in the bed and pulls the covers up to his neck and kisses Rocket good night.

“Ungh.” Rocket grunted as he slept, lazily swatting his face where Groot kissed him. He then slowly opened his eyes to the sight of a smiling Flora Colossus looking at him lovingly. “AHHHHHH!!!!!” Rocket screamed as he jumped and promptly fell to the floor.

Groot then peeked over the edge of the bed to see Rocket curse to himself before standing back up.

“What- what the flark do you think that you’re doing?” Rocket barked at Groot as he got back up in bed.

“I am Groot.” His friend answered.

Rocket couldn’t believe what he just heard. “A NIGHTMARE?!?!” He slaps himself to make sure that he was awake. “Do, do trees even have dreams? Wait, scratch that. I forgot about the time you dreamed of Dancing Lumberjacks...”

“I am Groot.” Groot answered as he made room for the raccoon to get back in bed.

“Right, stupid question.” Rocket said to himself. “Or else Mr. Crybaby wouldn’t even be in here.” He pulled up the blankets to his chest as Groot looked at him as Rocket just insulted him.

“I am Groot?” The tree asked as Rocket turned out the lamp on his bedside table.

“No, you idiot. I don’t want to hear about it. Quit whining.” Rocket said sleepily as he stretched and yawned. “Now go to sleep, or do you need me to sing you a lullaby?” Groot shook his head. “Thought so. ‘Night.”

Groot went to sleep, hoping to have a different dream.

The next morning, Groot and Rocket were eating breakfast. Rocket reluctantly listened to the details of Groot’s dream. Like he had any choice, since the hotel that they were staying at only had one decent TV station, and it was currently playing kiddie shows.

“We were hunting a humie with a 40K bounty on his head?”

“I am Groot.”

“So what if we got sent to prison?” Rocket asked as he ate some pancakes. “It ain’t like we’ve escaped from 22 other prisons.” He added as he talked with his mouth full.

“I am Groot.” Groot added as he poured a swimming pool’s worth of maple syrup over his own pancakes.

“And we met one of Thanos’ goons, but they said they weren’t on his side anymore? Interesting...”

“I am Groot.”

“Hey, I would need that guy’s leg for a new gun I’m building.” Rocket said as he discovered that Groot used up the last of the maple syrup. “Uh, Groot, can ya go make me some more maple syrup?” Rocket winked at Groot.

“I am Groot.” Groot argued.

“Hey, I’m not the one here with a syrup addiction. Plus, I like your ‘homemade’ syrup.” Rocket winked again at his friend as Groot sighed and grabbed a jug from the shelf and went into the bathroom. “And make sure ya don’t add anything ‘extra’, ‘kay?” 

Groot muttered to himself as he went to “make” the “syrup” and came out with a full jug five minutes later. 

“Thank you!” Rocket cheerfully said as Groot handed over the jug to him as he poured the syrup on his pancakes. “Mmm, that’s the best stuff, if there’s one thing you know how to make, it’s syrup, Groot.”

Groot was bored. “I am Groot?” 

“What? Yeah, sure, turn on the TV.” Rocket told him. “But don’t you dare put on that cutesy puppy and kitty crap.” Rocket warned Groot as he turned the channels to find something that both he and Rocket could watch together without starting World War III.

Groot finally found something that he liked. “I am Groot!” He said cheerfully as his show came on.

“Oh no no no no no no! GROOT, NO!” Rocket yelled over the opening credits of Bob Ross’ The Joy of Painting. “YOU ARE A GROWN-UP THAT SHOULD NOT BE WATCHING THIS KIDDIE CRAP!”

“I am Groot.” Groot held out the remote control in front of Rocket, waving it to taunt him.

“...And now let’s add in some happy little trees!” Bob Ross said as Rocket got out one of his guns and shot the TV screen where Bob Ross was, much to Groot’s horror.

“Screw those ‘happy little trees’ and screw you, Bob Ross!” Rocket angrily said at the now-destroyed TV set as he placed his gun down on the table and picked up a hologram tablet.

“I am Groot...” Groot mourned as he grabbed a broom and started to clean up the pieces of the shattered TV.

The tablet then lit up.

“C’mon, ya buffoon.” Rocket yelled from the kitchen as he placed his gun over his back and tucked the tablet in his backpack. “Let’s go out and collect some bounties. Or do you want to stay here and cry?”

Groot gave the rodent an answer and they walked out of their apartment into the bustling city.

Groot and Rocket set up shop in the middle of the city center so Rocket could scan for prospective bounties and hopefully a big payday. Groot was still upset about Rocket destroying the TV.

“Look.” Rocket began. “I don’t care what you do with your half of the bounty. If you want a TV, then you better buy a set of headphones with it so I don’t have to hear Bob flarkin’ Ross ever again!”

Rocket turned his back to Groot so he could get a better reading. As he did, Groot became extremely parched and needed some water. He walks over towards the fountain in the middle of the plaza.

“Xandarians...” Rocket lamented. “What a bunch of losers. Always hurrying up to go from something stupid to nothing at all.”

“Look at this!” Rocket held the scanner in his hands, scanning everyone in sight. “They call us criminals when that guy is assaulting us with that haircut.” He said of a middle-aged Xandarian with blonde hair and an “emo” hairstyle.

“Look at this thing. Look at how cool it thinks it is.” Rocket complained of a Xandarian toddler. “It ain’t cool to ask for help. Walk by yourself you little gargoyle!” He yelled out so loud the child’s parents could hear him and glared angrily at him.

He then pointed at an old man who suspiciously looked a lot like Stan Lee. “Look at Mr. Smiles over here. Where’s your wife, old man? What a Class A Prevert. HAHAHAHA, right, Groot?” 

Rocket looks around for Groot, who was just right beside him a minute ago. 

“Groot.”Rocket sees that Groot made his way to the water fountain and was drinking from it. “Don’t drink fountain water, you idiot. THAT’S DISGUSTING!” Rocket scolded.

Groot just looked at him and shook his head innocently.

“Yes you did. I just watched you doin’ it.” Rocket argued as his scanner went off. He picked it up. It was focused on a blonde-haired human. “Okay, humie, how badly does someone want to find you?” 

The scanner read the price.

“40 thousand Units?!?!” Rocket gasped. He then let out a chuckle as his ears twitched in excitement. “Groot! We’re gonna be rich!”

He then looked at Groot, who was still drinking from the fountain. Rocket sighed and facepalmed himself as he watched the humie go inside the pawn shop.

A while later, the door to the pawn store opened and the human walked out, clearly frustrated. He then flirts with a green-skinned woman as he held out a strange ball-like ornament in his hand. Rocket then makes Groot turn off his IPad, which he was watching Bob Ross on to do their job.

Just then, the woman punches the man in the stomach, grabs the weird ball thingy and runs away. Rocket sees an opportunity to capture the human and gave Groot a burlap bag.

“Put him in the bag! Put him in the bag!” 

Groot held open the bag and began to wrap his vines around somebody. 

“No, not her, him! Learn genders, man!” Rocket yelled at Groot as the woman broke free of Groot’s vines. The lady then grabbed Rocket and threw him across the walkway, knocking him out for a few minutes.

Groot then realizes his mistake and casually sneaks up behind the unsuspecting Terran and throws the bag over his head, taking him captive.

Rocket then sees that Groot has finally done his job right. Groot, proud of himself, smiles as he walks with his prize to his partner-in-crime.

“Stop smiling you idiot, you’re supposed to be a professional.” Rocket told the tree as he was pushed out of the way by the woman. 

She then unsheathed her sword and began to hack away at Groot’s arms. Groot dropped the bag trying to block her sword swings. Unfortunately, the woman didn’t show any compassion towards Groot and chopped off both of his arms before swinging it into the side of his chest.

The human then lifts the bag off of him and shoots the lady with one of his blaster guns, incapacitating her. He grabs the orb and begins to run. However, Rocket gets up from the ground and aims his gun at the man, who screamed as the bolts from the gun surrounded him and caused him to fall to the ground.

“Hehe.” Rocket felt satisfied with himself as he walked over to collect his prize. “Writhe, little man.”

Groot, mourning the loss of his arms, kicked at them while moaning.

“They’ll grow back you d’ast idiot.” Rocket was the last person who cared. “Quit whining.”

They were then enveloped in a yellow beam of light and lifted off of the ground by a squadron of pilots.

“Subject 89P13.″ The pilot in the lead plane addressed the raccoon. “Drop your weapon!”

“Ah, crap.” Rocket moaned as he dropped his gun as he, Groot, and the woman, along with the human, who was somewhere else were arrested and taken to the police station.

Inside, the four criminals were processed, their past criminal charges and histories written down, and their fingerprints (Or in Groot’s case, branch imprints, and in Rocket’s case, paw prints) taken. 

It was then time for their mugshots to be taken. For some weird reason, the technology in the detention room that prevented the prisoners from listening in as each of their rap sheets were read to the officials.

The green woman was up first. Groot and Rocket, along with the humie learned that her name was Gamora and she was bad news. She was the adopted daughter of Thanos and was on a mission that would bring destruction to every single planet and living being.

Rocket was up next. He spat at the 2 way mirror when one of the officers directed him by his specimen number instead of the name that he has given himself. 

It was then Groot’s turn. Two heavily armed guards grabbed the Bob Ross doll that he was holding and they escorted him into the room where he towered over the window. They then let go of his still-regrowing, but still short arms and closed the door.

“Prisoner, step down and look at the window.” One of the officers ordered as Groot tilted sideways and looked at the window.

After an uncomfortable minute of Groot staring at the window, he was taken out of the room and brought back to the holding area where he was reunited with Rocket and the human, who was then taken to the profiling room. Rocket laughed as he and Groot heard all of the “crimes” the human has “committed” over his lifetime. Rocket just about lost his marbles when the human, whose real name was Peter Quill, but calls himself “Starlord” flipped off the officers in the other room.

About a half hour later, the now-delinquents were escorted onto the space shuttle that would take them to their new “home”- The Kyln. It was the highest-security prison in the whole Nova Corps system, meant for the most hardened criminals. Quill was to be sent there because of his ties with the space gang known as the Ravagers. Gamora, because of her connections with Thanos, among some other baddies, had to be there so there would be no chance of escaping, and Rocket...

Oh, boy, Rocket. It would be a foolish mistake on the Nova Corps’ end if a cybernetically-enhanced raccoon that had a penchant love of building various weapons of mass destruction was to be placed in a less secure prison. And since Rocket knew how to escape from prison, (He already has 22 previous successful escapes under his belt.) they would be risking public safety.

But why was Groot on this shuttle to the Kyln? Compared to the others, he was an angel, having no previous criminal charges or history. (Except for the times he was arrested alongside Rocket, but that was all Rocket’s doing.) Guess when you’ve been associated with a lifelong criminal, you’re just as guilty of the crimes too. Groot just cowered in the corner as he hugged his Bob Ross doll.

The foursome are then taken inside the shuttle and buckled into the seats with 5-point harnesses to prevent them from moving much. Rocket, as Groot expected didn’t take too kindly to the guards man- err, I guess, raccoon-handling him as he tried to bite one of them with his mouth. The guards used their batons on Rocket, which had no effect, and in fact made him even angrier. 

As they called for backup, one of the guards was able to get a dog muzzle on Rocket and wrestle him to one of the animal cages on the sides of the wall and locked him in there before they closed the shuttle door and the shuttle took off.

A short while later, they arrived at the Kyln. The officers there board the shuttle, undo the prisoners from their seat harnesses (or in Rocket’s case, unlock him from his cage) and escort them into the prison. The same officers ask Rocket if he’s willing to comply, Rocket agrees and he has the muzzle removed from his face under the condition that he doesn’t lash out and tries to bite anyone.

As the band of misfits walk down the corridor to the prisoner intake area, Rocket was running his little raccoon mouth, much to the annoyance of everyone else.

“...These people are nothing but corrupt and cruel.” Rocket warned his fellow inmates as they are escorted to the intake area. “But hey, I won’t be here long. I’ve escaped 22 prisons, this one ain’t no different.”

Starlord scoffed at the mammal’s comment.

At which Rocket continued, “You’re just lucky the broad showed up, otherwise me and Groot would be collecting that bounty right now and you’d be getting drawn and quartered by Yondu and those Ravagers.”

“I’ve had many threats made against me and I’m not about to be brought down by a tree and a talking raccoon.” Starlord replied.

“What’s a raccoon?” Rocket’s nose twitched cutely as he asked this question.

“Heh, ‘What’s a raccoon?’ It’s what you are, stupid.” Peter barked back as the guard opened up a door leading deeper into the hallway.

“Ain’t no thing like me, ‘cept me!” Rocket bragged as they continued to walk.

Quill quickly changed the subject. “So, this orb has a Arc of the Covenant, Maltese Falcon sorta vibe to it. What is it?”

Groot, clearly knowing what the answer was told him. “I am Groot.” He then looked at his Bob Ross doll.

“So, what? What’s the word?” Peter, who didn’t listen asked again, this time directing his question to Gamora.

“I have no idea what it is.” She snapped at him. “I have an agreement to sell it to a third party.”

“That’s something coming from the daughter of a genocidal maniac.” Gamora glared at Rocket as he said this. “Yeah, we know who you are. Anyone who’s anyone knows who you are.”

Peter chimes in. “Yeah, we know who you are.” Clearly having no knowledge of who this woman was, he turns to Groot and whispers, “Who is she?”

“I am Groot.” Groot replied as the guard let them into another hallway. Rocket then looks at the guard’s armband and gets an idea.

“Yeah, you said that.” Peter told the tree.

Clearly trying to explain to Quill in a way he could understand, Groot added onto his explanation. “I am Groot.”

“Well, if that wasn’t just as interesting as the first 89 times you’ve told me that!” Quill yelled at the tree. “What is wrong with ‘Giving Tree’ here?”

“He don’t know talkin’ good like me and you. So he only ever says ‘I’ and ‘am’ and ‘Groot’.” Rocket told Peter. “Exclusively in that order.”

“Well that is going to wear out real thin real fast.” He threatened Groot before turning his attention towards the guard in the evidence room inspecting his Walkman. “Hey! Those are supposed to be in impound. Those headphones and Walkman are mine!” He yelled before being tasered repeatedly.

After the guards stopped tasering the human, they were led to the showering area. Gamora was taken to the ladies’ side while Groot, Rocket, and Peter were escorted to the mens’ showers. For some unknown reason, Rocket was made to shower with Peter while Groot was taken to an isolated shower.

“Oh, great.” Groot thought. “Rocket doesn’t even like me barging in on him while he’s in the shower, he’s gonna be beyond angry when he has to shower with a complete stranger. Oh, well. At least I won’t have to put up with the stench of wet dog for once.” He chuckled at his last thought as the guards looked on.

“Hurry up.” One of the guards ordered him. “Or do we have to get in there with you?”

“I am Groot.” Groot replied as he returned the look and clinched his Bob Ross doll tightly.

“Ya don’t say...” The same guard answered back as he turned the cold water onto Groot as his coworker bathed Groot.

Five minutes later, Groot was led into a changing room by himself where he was forced to put on the prison uniform. He took one look at the uniform, (Which was the biggest one that the prison had) and saw that it would never fit him.

“I am Groot.” He tried to communicate the issue with the uniform to the guard as he held it up.

“Oh, I’m so sorry that it doesn’t suit your tastes in high fashion.” The guard snarked at Groot. “You either wear that uniform or suffer the consequences.”

Groot, trying to not anger the guards, placed the uniform back in the bin. But this angered the guards to their breaking point. They wrestled Groot to the ground, made him lay flat on his stomach while the fatter of the two guards sat on his back and handcuffed him to make sure that he couldn’t get up while the other guard placed a microchip in his neck since he refused to wear the uniform, but it wasn’t Groot’s fault. The uniform that they provided was, in fact, way too small for him to wear, and secondly, he wasn’t a big fan of clothes in general, so instead, they placed a microchip in the back of his neck.

After this debacle, Groot was reunited with Rocket and Peter. Rocket was equally unhappy with how the guards treated Groot and vowed vengeance for Groot when they made their escape.

As they entered the main part of the prison, Groot looked around. The Kyln was massive and extremely secure, with hidden cameras and flying robots throughout. 

“There is no way Rocket can escape from here.” Groot thought as he stared at one of the robots. “One, the guards and robots are extremely armed and dangerous. Two, there’s no clear way of escaping, period. And third, (and probably most obviously), since the Kyln was a floating fortress in space, escaping from it without a spaceship was virtually impossible.”

Groot was still saddened by how the guards treated him so far, especially after they confiscated his most prized possession: his Bob Ross doll.

Just then a piece of trash hit Gamora in the head as the other prisoners jeered and hissed at her.

“She’s got a bad rap.” Rocket explained. “Most of the prisoners in here had their families killed by Ronan and his goons.”

“Whatever nightmares the future holds are but dreams compared to what’s behind me.” Gamora looked at Peter as he bumped into a much larger alien.

“Check out the new meat.” The inmate said as he caressed Peter’s cheek. “I’m going to slather you up like Gonavian jelly-.” Just then, Groot stuck his two twig-like fingers up his nostrils, causing him to scream in pain as he was lifted off the floor.

“Let’s make something clear.” Rocket bellowed out to the other prisoners. “This one here is our booty. You want to get to him, you go through us.” Groot tightened his grip on the guy he was holding. “Or more accurately, we go through you!” Groot let the inmate go as he crashed down onto the cold hard ground and he curled up into a ball, nursing his injury.

Rocket and Groot marched forward as if they owned the place.

“I’m with them.” Peter said as he followed the raccoon and the tree.

As Groot and Rocket settled into their cell, Groot was tidying up the bunk beds while Rocket was sitting in a corner with a pen and paper.

“I am Groot?”

“Nothin’, Groot.” Rocket didn’t take his eyes off the paper.

“I am Groot.” Groot said as he smoothed out the sheets.

“No, I’m not writing down an escape plan! I’m just painting a picture, like your favorite person on TV does!” Rocket snapped as Groot snatched the paper away from Rocket. “Hey!”

Groot, knowing how much Rocket hates Bob Ross, looks at the paper as Rocket jumps up to try to get it back. It was very much an escape plan.

“I am Groot.” Groot tsked at his friend as if he didn’t expect anything else. “I am Groot.”

“It’s very much a good plan.” Rocket argued as he snatched the paper back. He then unwrinkles it. “The only thing I don’t have is a way off this flarkin’ floating prison.” Rocket then looks thoughtfully at one of the Nova Corps’ prisoner transport shuttles. “Hmm...”

“I am Groot.” 

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.” Rocket sarcastically praised Groot. “Of course I know that we have to commandeer a spaceship.”

“I am Groot.” Groot pointed at the vessel Rocket was looking at. It needed serious repairs and was being taken to the shop.

“Oh, right. Well, uh, we’ll find another ship.” Rocket conceeded. “One of these sorry saps has to have a pretty nice ride to let us ‘borrow.’” Rocket winked at Groot as the wiser tree shook his head dismissively at the rodent as one of the guards opened the door to their cell.

“Get out.” The guard ordered the pair.

“Oh, Nova must’ve commuted our sentences to just probation and accepted our ‘bail’ payments.” Rocket winked at Groot, knowing that the “money” that they payed with was fake. “C’mon, Groot. Let’s go back to our regular lives.” Rocket motioned for Groot to follow him.

The guard then grabs Rocket by the scruff of his neck and picks him up, holding the raccoon to eye-level. “No, you’re supposed to be still ‘enjoying’ our ’lovely accommodations’ here.” The guard spat at Rocket. “Now you and that useless piece of driftwood pack up your things and move into the communal cell for the night while we clean your room.”

Groot, feeling offended by the guard’s comment, grabbed Rocket and flung him over towards the bunk beds, the mattress of one of them cushioning the impact Rocket’s body made against the cinder blocks that made up the prison wall.

“I AM GROOT!” Groot yelled at the guards, tiny branches protruding from his upper body as a sign of defense. The guards responsed in kind by brandishing their guns and pointing them at Groot.

“I am Groot...” Groot apologized as he cowered, hunched over in a little ball to make himself less threatening. 

Rocket, then came around to his senses and saw what they were about to do. He gets up and starts to run towards Groot’s side. 

“Hey, wait!” As he lept in slow motion towards Groot, one of the other guards caught him, put a muzzle over his mouth, along with handcuffs and shackles, and took him out of the cell and to the communal cell in the middle of the prison.

Groot then tried to pick his head up. The guards that were still in the cell closed the door as they tasered him by the chip in his neck as Groot screamed for help.

A little while later, Groot was dragged from the cell to the larger communal one shared by half of the male prisoners. After the guards unceremoniously threw Groot into the cell, closed the door, and walked away, Rocket woke up and came to Groot’s side.

“Hey, hey.” Rocket soothed Groot as the tree began to cry uncontrollably as the raccoon removed the handcuffs and shackles from his friend. “Groot, what happened?”

Groot then buried his head into his hands. “I am Groot.” He finally managed to say in between sobs as he pointed to the various bruises along his body. 

Rocket didn’t need to understand Groot in that moment to know what went on in the last hour or so. He hasn’t seen Groot cry this much since the time that the  cable company cut off their TV and Groot had to go a whole week without watching a single episode of Bob Ross.

It was now imperative that Rocket put his escape plan into motion soon. If not for his own sake, for Groot’s. The sooner that they got out of this hellhole, the better. As the now-caring (in this moment, anyways) rodent helped Groot up and walked him to the quietest corner in the cell, he realized that Groot was having a tougher time than he was and it was wearing down his mind. The usually joyful and playful Flora Colossus was now scared of the tiniest bit of noise, even if it was coming from the other side of the prison.

Another hour passes by and Rocket has finally managed to get Groot to sleep. Just as Rocket was about to call it a night, he heard a commotion: The guards were bringing Quill into the same cell, albeit a little more noisily than when Rocket was brought in, and that’s saying something.

“Oh, FINE!” Peter yelled at the guards as they closed the door and walked away. “BE LIKE THAT!” 

Groot was then awakened abruptly and made his displeasure known.

“Oh, great, now you woke Groot up!” Rocket yelled at the human. He then turns to Groot. “Shh, shh, it’s okay, Groot. We were just talking. Just close your eyes and go to sleep.” Rocket lulled the tree to sleep while he gave Peter a death stare.

An hour later, all of the inmates were in their cells and fast asleep. That is all except for a small group of rogue inmates who were working with the prison guards for some unknown reason. They were taking Gamora to the showers. 

The commotion was enough to wake Quill up to see what was going on. As he was picking the lock on the door, Rocket woke up. Groot was out like a lightbulb, except for the very loud snores coming from him.

“Quill, what’re you doing?” Rocket sleepily asked. Just as he opened his beady little eyes, Peter was done lock picking the door as he opened it and got out in one fluid motion. Rocket then crawled over the other inmates’ bodies and pressed his face against the window. “Quill!” He whispered in an attempt to catch the humie’s attention.

As Rocket was getting ready to leave the cell and follow Peter, Groot was awakened by the commotion in the cell.

“I am Groot?” He wondered as he rubbed his eyes and Rocket scampered to his side.

“Shut up you d’ast idiot.” Rocket whispered to him as he placed his hand on Groot’s cheek. “Don’t worry, I’ll go get the stupid humie and bring him back. Just close your eyes and go to sleep. Dream bout that Bob Ross guy you like so much.” Groot then closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

Groot then opened his eyes. Where was he? What was this place? It certainly wasn’t the Kyln, that’s for sure. No, definitely not. Groot was outside in the fresh air, surrounded by grass, and mountains, and fellow trees. He took in a deep breath and inhaled the fresh mountain breeze and crisp, cool air. It reminded him a lot of the paintings that Bob Ross did.

In the distance, Groot heard something very peculiar. It wasn’t the various sounds of different animals or a river. It sounded very human-like. Almost as if the humans, or whatever they were, were singing, off-key, but singing nonetheless.

As Groot concentrated his mind on the singing, he noticed that it wasn’t just one voice, but many. 

“Must be about 10-20 voices belonging to different people.” Groot thought. “I wonder what they’re singing about.”

As Groot came closer to the group, he could just about make out the outlines of each person. Almost all of them were big and burly, with beards and deep voices. Groot took another step forward and could see the clothes that they were wearing which were khaki trousers being held up by suspenders, work boots, and different colored flannel shirts. Groot tiptoed closer and saw each member was swinging something against the trees in the nearby forest: axes and chainsaws.

Groot was horrified at the sight. His own kind were being ruthlessly slaughtered for no good reason in Groot’s eyes. Groot let out a gasp, thinking that these people, these lumberjacks, could get away with what amounted to murder to Groot’s kind.

Another thing that was unsettling for him was that as the lumberjacks moved from tree to tree, they were dancing as they sung. This scared Groot to death and he decided to make a run for it and hopefully the lumberjacks would get out of breath and decide that Groot wasn’t worth the trouble. 

Groot peaked his head out from the boulder that he was hiding behind to see that the lumberjacks were still hacking away at the same group of trees 50 feet away from him. Groot darted out from his hiding place and made a run for wherever his strong and sturdy legs would take him. 

Unfortunately, the lumberjacks heard Groot sprint away and gave chase to their prize. Groot had the upper hand on his pursuers. That is, for about five minutes. Groot quickly ran out of momentum and needed to catch his breath. As he took a breather, the lumberjacks caught up to him. They chased Groot down to a dead end, but luckily, there was a cave where the tree could hopefully lose the lumberjacks in the winding tunnels. 

Groot made a beeline right for the cave and dove in. Unfortunately, the tunnels that Groot was hoping that the cave had were nowhere to be found. The cave was a very small den, only fit for a family of hibernating bears. The lumberjacks were getting closer, their axes and chainsaws raised in the air to harvest Groot’s body after they killed him. The scared Flora Colossus huddled into the farthest corner of the cave to prepare for the inevitable. Groot closed his eyes and took in a deep breath as everything turned to white.

“I AM GROOT!” The frightened tree screamed as he woke up. He was alive. Still a prisoner in the Kyln along with Rocket, but alive. “I am Groot.” He said quietly to himself as he patted himself to make sure that he was still alive.

Groot looked around the cell. He didn’t see Rocket. A sense of worry flooded his thoughts. Then he heard voices coming down the hallway. He recognized these voices from earlier in the day.

“...And how much is your buyer willing to pay?” Peter asked.

Gamora looked him dad in the eye. “Four billion units.”

Rocket was stunned and dumbfounded. “WHAT?!?!”

Starlord was equally surprised. “Holy shit.”

“That orb is my way out. If you help me, I’ll split the profits three ways.” Gamora offered. 

Groot, always loving the idea of money, stood up and pressed his face against the wired window that looked out into the corridor. His first thought was about what he would do with the money, meet his role model and idol- Bob Ross.

“I am Groot.” He added, not wanting to be left out of the potentially big payday. 

“Four of us!” Rocket corrected the others. “Asleep for the danger, awake for the money, as per frickin’ usual.” He finished as Groot growled at him.

The next day, all of the prisoners filed into the cafeteria for breakfast. As usual, Rocket was bad-mouthing the staff and the other prisoners behind their backs. He just about lost it when a fellow inmate sporting a fake leg walked right past him and Groot.

“Rocket, you’re going to get yourself beat up if you don’t watch it.” Groot thought to himself. 

Deep down, Groot wished that Rocket would be more mindful of what he said in front of other people. Especially when the “other people” were much bigger and stronger than a raccoon. Even a cybernetically-enhanced one.

After they got their food, Groot looked down at his tray. He had only gotten about a tenth of the food that everyone else had. He felt neglected by the staff and walked away towards the cashier lady to pay for his “meal.” (And yes, even though the quality of the food is subpar, the prisoners still had to pay for it from the meager wages that they earned doing various jobs around the prison.)

Rocket then finished getting the last part of his meal and walked towards Groot, who stood in the middle of the room crying while he looked down at his tray.

“Hey, hey, Groot.” Rocket caught up towards his friend. “What’s wrong?”

“I am Groot.” Groot sobbed as he showed Rocket his tray that has only been sparsely filled with food compared to his friend’s.

“Okay.” Rocket sighed as he knew that Groot needed more sustenance than he did. “Let’s get this fixed.”

Rocket and Groot walked over towards the person in charge of the cafeteria. He didn’t look too happy.

“What?” He spat at them.

Rocket, trying his best to not snap back at the man explained the situation. “Sir,  I think that my friend here didn’t get all of his food.”

The food director looks at Groot. He didn’t give him a sympathetic look. 

“No, he got all of his food.” The Director stated. “He’s on the punishment meal plan for the next month because of his refusal to follow directions last night. Now move along.”

Before Rocket could say another word, the director shooed them away and walked out of the cafeteria as two guards motioned for them to pay for their food and to go sit at a table.

“Hey, I’ll give you some of my food if you promise not to tell.” Rocket whispered to Groot as the tree nodded.

Just then, Quill and Gamora caught up with the two lifelong criminals. They were now interested in escaping from the prison.

“If my plan is going to work, I’m going to need a few things.” Rocket explained as they looked for a table to talk in private. “You see those armbands that the guards are wearing? I’m going to need one of those.”

“Leave it to me.” Gamora volunteered as she studied each guard.

Just then, the same guy with the fake leg that they saw last night walked by.

“And I’ll definitely need that guy’s prosthetic leg.” Rocket said aloud.

“His leg?” Peter was both confused and intrigued at the same time.

“God knows I don’t need the rest of him. Look at him, he’s useless.” Rocket muttered to himself as Starlord shrugged.

They found a table in the middle of the cafeteria, they go and sit at it. Groot straggled behind the rest as they took their seats.

“And on the wall back there is a Quaranex battery. Silver box, green wires, yellow blinky lights.” Rocket described the item beautifully as Groot turned around and spotted it on the control tower. “If we’re to have any chance of escaping then I’ll definitely need that.”

Groot then took another look at the battery in question. He then stared at his tray that was devoid of the nutrients that he needed to get through the day. Groot decided then that he would take a stand for himself and demand that he got the same amount of food as everyone else. Oh, and get that stupid battery thingy for Rocket.

“Now, this is important.” Rocket said as Groot grew taller by four feet so he could retrieve the battery. “Once the battery is removed,” Rocket began as Groot placed his tray on a nearby table and ripped off the cover and threw it, hitting a nearby inmate in the head. “Everything is gonna slam into emergency mode.” Rocket continued as Groot tried to remove the battery, but only to discover that it was attached to a cord. He gave it another tug. “Once we have it, we gotta move quickly.” Groot gave it another tug, this time more forcefully. “So you definitely need to get that last.” Rocket finished as Groot gave a final tug and this time was successful in disconnecting the battery from its place.

The security alarms started to go off. Everyone in the prison turned around and looked at Groot, who was proudly showing off his prize.

“...Or we could just get it first and improvise.” Rocket said as Peter and Gamora went off to get the other things that Rocket needed as the raccoon placed his head in his hands and let out an audible groan.

Just then, the robots and guards surrounded Groot, guns drawn and ready to shoot.

“Prisoner, put the device down and retreat to your cell.” The Warden instructed Groot from the control tower.

Groot wasn’t going to have any of it. Standing straight up, twigs beginning to protrude from his shoulders, he yelled “I... AM... GROOOOOT!!!” as the senior officers opened fire on the tree.

Moments later, Rocket came to Groot, scampering up to his shoulder.

“YOU IDIOT!” Rocket scolded him as both he and Groot dodged the rapid fire from the officers and robots. “HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIGHT THESE THINGS WITHOUT MY STUFF?!?!” He yelled at Groot as the tree knocked out one of the flying robots.

A few minutes passed with Rocket trying to defend himself and Groot sans weapons. 

“The animal is out of control!” A guard told his compatriots as they pointed their guns towards the raccoon. “Fire on my command!”

Moments later, the guard had the wind knocked out of him and his gun taken away from him by an unknown fellow prisoner.

“Freaky little beast!” The prisoner shouted at Rocket as he threw the gun and it pirouetted in midair slowly towards the rodent.

“Oh, yeah!” Rocket was in bliss as he caught the gun and cocked it and sent a hail of bullets at the remaining guards and robots.

The trio spent the next minute or so fighting off the last few guards. 

The silence was soon broken when Gamora reappeared with the armband that Rocket needed.

“Rocket!” She yelled as she threw the band to him and he caught it.

“Move to the watch tower!” Rocket instructed Groot as he obeyed his friend. Rocket hummed something as his little paws worked their magic on the armband.

Groot soon approached a walkway where his compatriots could safely climb to the entrance of the control tower. He extended his body even more to act as a makeshift ladder for them.

As Peter and the unknown prisoner, whose name was Drax climbed on him, Groot was still keeping a lookout for guards. There were none to be found and when everyone was safely on the walkway, Groot retracted his body so that he too was on the walkway.

As the doors to the control tower automatically opened, the warden slowly stood up with his hands raised in surrender, knowing that he stood no chance now. As Peter, Gamora, Drax, Rocket, and Groot walked into the room, the warden shyly waved at them, hoping that they would show him some mercy and not kill him. Groot shook his head and extended both of his arms out to grab him to catapult him across the prison, as if he was only a ragdoll.

“Here you go.” Peter said as he plopped down the fake leg Rocket requested that he needed.

“Oh, uh,” Rocket began as he looked at the leg. “I just needed these two things.”

Peter looks mortified. 

“Wait, wait.” Rocket was beyond belief when he saw that Peter actually got the leg. He tries to hold in his laughter. “What did he look like hopping around?”

“I HAD TO TRANSFER HIM 30,000 UNITS!” Peter’s voice annoyed Drax as Rocket snickered at the humie’s sudden bankruptcy.

“Rodent, we are ready for your plan.” Gamora ordered Rocket as she looked outside.

“Hold on! Hold on!” Rocket yelled back as he frantically fiddled with the wiring.

“Ugh, will you cease your yammering and relieve us of these irksome confinements?” Drax asked annoyedly.

“I’m going to have to agree with the walking thesaurus on that one.” Peter took Drax’s side as he looked around.

“Don’t you ever call me a thesaurus.” Drax threatened him.

“It’s just a metaphor dude.” 

“His people are completely literal. Metaphors are going to go over his head.” Rocket told Peter as he pressed more buttons.

“Nothing goes over my head. My reflexes are too fast, I would catch it.” Drax said before he made a comment about the people on his planet eating raccoons as a part of a feast.

“NOT HELPING!” Rocket snapped at Drax.

“I’m going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy.” Gamora just wanted this to be over as the highest level guards came out with their guns drawn, ready to fire.

The guards fired two shots, the latter almost destroying the so-called bullet-proof glass. As they’re about to fire the third, Rocket finishes his rewiring and plugs in the connectors. Everyone in the prison, guards, inmates, etc. we’re floating in midair. Groot, Rocket and company still had their feet on the ground.

“You turned off the artificial gravity everywhere but in here.” Gamora was amazed at the result.

The control tower hub detached from the column it was previously on and began to float too. Rocket directed the robots to attach around the base of the hub to guide it to the unsecured section of the Kyln. 

After the hub crashed into a nearby wall, the group went into the prisoner effects room to retrieve the belongings that they had taken away from them when they were brought here.

“Oh, that’s rude!” Rocket felt offended upon seeing how the guards treated his items. “They crumpled my clothes up into a little ball!” He then noticed how Starlord’s clothes were. “They folded yours!”

Groot found where his things were kept and felt relieved. He took out a big bag of Miracle-Gro that Rocket bartered from a Terran that one time they visited Earth on a reconnaissance mission in exchange for some intel. Groot then saw his Limited Edition Bob Ross plush doll safely tucked away in the corner.

Peter looks out oat the impound area of the prison where all of the spaceships that belong to the incarcerated inmates were kept.

“There it is, there’s my ship!” He pointed at the one over in a corner. “The orange and blue one, the Milano.” Peter then searched his bag and jacket for something.

Gamora’s main worry was the orb, which she saw was in his bag. “The Orb’s there, let’s go!” She urged him to leave with the rest of the group.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait.” Peter was clearly missing something. “That blue bastard didn’t put it back!”

“Put what back?” Gamora didn’t really care.

“Here.” Peter said as he gave her the bag. “Take them to the ship, I’ll be right back.” He said as he ran the other way. “Just go!” He yelled from down the hallway.

Gamora, Drax, Rocket, and Groot boarded the Milano and waited for its captain.

As they waited, Groot discovered the built in TVs in each seat’s control console. He put the headphones that were on the table next to it on his head and began to watch Bob Ross in peace.

After about five minutes, Rocket was getting tired of waiting and more importantly, how was a human supposed to reach a spaceship that was parked in space? 

“How’s he supposed to get to us?” Rocket asked as he looked out the windows.

“He declined to share that information with me.” Gamora answered.

“Screw this then. You got the Orb, right?”

“Yes.” Gamora then searched the bag that Quill gave her. The Orb was nowhere to be found.

Moments later, Quill could be seen flying to the ship with rocket boosters on his boots. He then entered the ship and it took off.

Hours later, everyone retreated to their quarters. Drax and Gamora each had their own room, Peter, of course had the biggest room since it was his ship, leaving Rocket and Groot to share a room.

Inside the room, Groot was over in a corner, admiring the various toys that Peter had when he was growing up and watching some more episodes of “Bob Ross’ The Joy of Painting.” Groot then took out the Bob Ross doll that he’s been holding and places it fondly on top of the TV.

Rocket, however, was sprawled out all over the floor with a tool set that he found underneath his bed. He was either building a new gun or weapon of some type and humming along as he did it.

Starlord walked by doing his routine check of his ship and crew. As he looked in on Rocket and Groot, he was mortified by what he saw.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” He said. “Ranger Rick, what do you think you’re doing, taking apart my ship?” He looked at the contraption Rocket was building. “What is that?”

“A bomb.” Rocket casually said as if it was no big deal.

“A BOMB?!?!” Peter asked, worried that it would accidentally go off. “And you leave it laying around?!?!”

Rocket then pulled a storage container out from under his bed. “I was gonna put it in a box...”

Peter was dumbfounded. “What’s a box gonna do?!?!”

Rocket then picked up a smaller box wrapped up in birthday wrapping paper. He looks at it. “What about this one?”

Peter then made Rocket put the box back and he kicked the container back under the bed.

“What-?”

“Shut up.” Peter ordered. He then turned his attention towards the much bigger weapon Rocket was working on. “What’s that?”

Rocket flashed a sly smile. “That’s where things get really hardcore.” He patted the weapon. “Or if you want to blow up moons.”

“No one’s blowing up moons.” Gamora, who just so happened to walk by with the Orb, killed all of Rocket’s hopes and dreams in one fell swoop.

“You just wanna suck the joy out of everything...” Rocket muttered to himself as he continued to modify the weapon.

Just then, Drax entered the room.

“So, anyways.” Peter began as he grabbed the Orb from Gamora. “Have we found out what this thing is?” He looked at her specifically.

“I have no idea what it is.” Gamora defensively spat at Peter as she grabbed the object in question.

“Looks to be some kind of weapon.” Peter said.

Drax then grabbed it. “If it’s a weapon we should use it against Ronan.” Groot looked confused by his statement, who was Ronan?

“Put it down you fool!” Gamora stood up. “Or you’ll kill us all!”

Drax then stood up and got in her face. “Or just you, murderess!” He responded.

“Hey!” Starlord then got in between them to break up the fight. “No one is murdering anyone on my ship! Now, we’ve got to stick together until we get paid.”

“I’m not interested in any money!” Drax yelled before he stormed off.

“Well.” Starlord flashed a smile. “That means more money for the three of us.” Groot then picked his head up and whined. “Ugh, for the four of us.” Groot then smiled.

Gamora stood up to go to her room. “Quill, your ship is filthy.” She then left.

As he watched her leave, Starlord turned to Rocket. “She has no idea. If I had a black light, this whole room would look like a Jackson Pollock painting.”

Rocket shook his head in disgust. “You got issues, Quill.”

Later on, Rocket and Groot moved their things out of that room and volunteered to sleep in the common room.

An hour later, they arrived on Knowhere. It was a bustling mining city filled with activity. The citizens were busy with processing the rare materials that they’ve gotten and selling their wares to make a quick buck.

As the gang left their ship, they made their way down a narrow street in the seedy part of town.They were then met by a pack of street kids looking for money.

“Watch your wallets.” Peter warned the guys as the kids started to beg. Groot tucked away his Bob Ross doll in Rocket’s pack.

Groot made eye contact with a little blonde-haired girl. She looked up at the kind-hearted tree and gave him a smile. Groot returned the favor as he knelt down to the girl’s level. He then held his hand out where a small flower grew from it. He plucked it from his hand and gave it to her before giving her another smile and a nod before leaving with the rest of his group.

“Your buyer’s in there?” Rocket asked Gamora as they approached the most lavish building in the city at the end of the street.

“We are to wait here until his liaison makes contact with us.” Gamora responded as she looked at the building.

“What’re we supposed to do until then?” Drax asked bored to death as she shrugged.

Several minutes later, Drax, Rocket, and Groot found their way to a crowded betting casino. They were betting on Orloni races where they raced across a table and the loser would get eaten by a much larger creature. This both shocked and scared Groot as well as disgusted him the first time he saw it.

He looked towards Rocket for some comfort. Rocket, along with Drax, however, were having the time of their lives, having won their 10th racing bet of the night and the big pile of units were now towering over Rocket. The server then returned with some drinks for the trio as Drax won yet another race.

“My Orloni has won yet again, like I win at all things!” Drax obnoxiously teased the other patrons. “Now let’s put more of this liquid into our bodies!” He toasted Rocket and Groot victoriously as they drank.

Rocket was visibly drunk now, the concoction having a more profound effect on his tiny body compared to Groot or Drax.

“That’s the first thing that you’ve said that wasn’t batshit crazy!” The raccoon praised Drax as both he and Drax drank their shots of liquor. 

Groot, retreated to a corner where a bunch of alien children were huddled around the TV watching an old Terran program- “Bob Ross’ ‘The Joy of Painting.’” Groot sat in the back of the group cross-legged and watched along with them, enraptured by Bob Ross’ smooth, calm voice as he passed the time.

The next thing Groot heard (After the Bob Ross marathon was over), was Rocket and Drax arguing about something. Groot got up to see what was wrong, but before he could talk some sense into them (moreso Rocket than Drax), Drax hurled his fist towards the raccoon. Groot, thankfully intercepted it before it made contact with Rocket’s face. Drax then used his other fist to beat up Groot and a brawl ensued with the patrons in the bar cheering on either Groot or Drax.

The commotion coming from the bar was enough for Peter and Gamora to come running inside to the sight of Drax pinning Groot down to the ground and beating his face in. Groot, meanwhile, was wrapping his vines around Drax’s head in an attempt to get him to let go. Rocket, however, was glaring angrily at Drax and loading up his gun to shoot him.

“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” Starlord interrupted the soon-to-be bloodbath between alien, tree, and raccoon. “What the- what the hell is going on?!?!”

“This vermin has no respect!” Drax yelled as Gamora broke him and Groot apart and held the blue-green alien at bay.

“That is also true!” Rocket, still aiming his gun at Drax snarled. “Keep callin’ me vermin, tough guy.” He then placed a finger on the trigger. “You just wanna laugh at me like everyone else!”

“Rocket, you’re drunk. No one’s laughing at you.” Starlord desperately tried to bring Rocket back to reality.

Rocket then points at Drax as he puts his gun down. “He thinks I’m some stupid thing, he does.” Rocket complained as Groot stood back up and fixed his jaw. “Well, I didn’t ask to get made. I didn’t ask to be torn apart and put back together over and over and turned into some- some little monster!”

“Rocket, no one’s calling you a monster...” Starlord tried to reason with him.

“He called me ‘Vermin’, she called me ‘Rodent’!” Rocket explained as he pointed to Drax and Gamora respectively. He then picked up his blaster and aimed it at Peter. “Let’s see if you can last after five or six good shots TO YOUR FRICKIN’ FACE!” Rocket screamed as his gun was powering up.

“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” Starlord was now pleading for his life. “Rocket! Four billion Units, come on!” Rocket then put his gun back down. “Suck it up for one more lousy night and you’re rich!”

“Fine.” Rocket sighed as he powered the gun back off. “But don’t think that when this is all over I won’t go back to killing each one of you.” He muttered.

“See? That’s why none of you have any friends.” Peter stated. “Five minutes after you meet someone, you’re already trying to kill ‘em!”

“Quill, we’ve been traveling halfway across the Quadrant and Ronan is no closer to being dead.” Drax stormed off, visibly upset.

They decided to just leave him alone before they were met by the Buyer’s assistant and escorted back to the lavish building.

As they walked through the cavernous lobby of the building, there was an array of various creatures and objects. There was even a dog in an astronaut suit that growled at Rocket as he walked past. Rocket returned the growl.

As the owner of this building turned around, it was apparent that he was very wealthy and a little odd. Taneleer Tivan, or “The Collector,” as he was known, made everyone else feel inferior.

“My lady, Gamora.” He greeted her as he elegantly kissed her hand.

“We’re way past the formalities, Tivan.” She began. “We have what we discussed.”

But the Collector was more interested in Groot, and Groot was more interested in a signed photograph of Bob Ross that had a lock of the painter’s hair encased in the picture frame.

“What is that thing there?” He asked as he looked at Groot. Rocket then poked Groot to make him come out of his daydream.

“I am Groot.” He introduced himself.

“Thought I’d never meet a Groot.” The Collector was entranced by him. “Sir, I’ll pay you now in advance for your corpse. At the moment of your death of course.”

“I am Groot.” Groot looked at him, unfazed by the request.

“Why?” Rocket asked, deeply annoyed. “So you can turn him into a frickin’ chair?”

The Collector turned to Groot as he pointed to Rocket. “That your pet?”

Rocket was offended. He grabbed the gun off of his back. “What?!” He snarled, pointing the gun at the man.

Gamora made Rocket put away his gun and directed the conversation back to the Orb, which Peter held out before clumsily dropping it. Thankfully, it didn’t break and it remained intact as he handed it over.

The Collector then placed the ornate object on a device which opened it very carefully.

“My new friends.” He began as he gestured towards a bunch of holographs that displayed a variety of scenes of space. “Before creation itself, there were six singularities.” The screens then showed a bunch of explosions in the stars. ”Then the universe exploded into existence, and the remnants of these systems were forged into concentrated ingots: Infinity Stones.” He continued as Groot waved his hand over the holographic projection of one of the stones. “These stones, it seems, can only be brandished by beings of extraordinary strength.” The projections changed to a scene of otherworldly creatures weilding these stones. “These carriers can use the stone to mow down entire civilizations like wheat in a field.”

“There’s a little bit of pee coming out of me.” Starlord nonchalantly stated as he looked on in awe.

The Collector continued. “Once, for a moment, a group was able to share the energy amongst themselves, but even they were quickly destroyed by it.” He warned them as a scene of utter chaos and destruction played out.

Rocket fought the urge to then grab the stone. “Look, we’re all very fascinated.” He clinched his paws. “But we would like to get paid.”

“How would you like to be paid?” 

“What do you think, Fancy Pants?! Units!” Rocket said greedily.

As the Collector counted out the Units that they agreed upon, his assistant was entranced by the stone and grabbed it. She let out a shrill scream as the stone’s power was too much for her. 

As the building was about to be disintegrated, Peter and Gamora took cover behind a desk. Groot knew he had to get Rocket out to safety. But, the photograph of Bob Ross was undamaged. A dilemma for Groot: Save a one-of-a-kind keepsake of his idol or save the only true friend he’s had in all of his life?

Groot dove towards the picture and piece of hair from Bob Ross and tucked it under his arm. The tree then reached out his other arm and grabbed Rocket’s fur behind his neck and a tucked him under his other arm as they ran out of the building in slow motion.

After the dust cleared, Peter and Gamora emerged from the wreckage with the Orb, safely encased within its container.

“What do you still have it for?!?!” Rocket asked, horrified at the sight. “I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT YOU HAD THAT IN YOUR PURSE!”

“It’s not a purse, it’s a knapsack!” Peter responded.

“Peter,” Gamora held his hands. “You’ve gotta do the right thing and hand it over to Nova.”

“Are you kidding me?!?! We’re wanted by the Nova Corps.” Rocket interjected. “Why not just hand it over to Ronan?”

“Or...” Peter had a thought. “We could hand it over to someone who’s really nice and not going to arrest us for a whole lot of money.” His idea sounded a lot better in his head. “It’s a compromise between both of your ideas.”

Gamora sighed as she grabbed the Orb from him. “Oh, no...” She said as a bunch of ships appeared where they were and in front of them, there was Drax holding out his daggers and taunting Ronan. 

“You’re the one that transmitted the message?” He asked, unimpressed with Drax. 

“You killed my wife! You killed my daughter!” Drax was ready to fight, and lunges towards Ronan, who pushes him back as if he was nothing. This started the duel between the two.

Gamora, Peter, Rocket, and Groot made their way to where the mining pods were parked. Gamora and Peter each got into one and began to fight the fleet of spaceships.

“No, I told you, you won’t fit! Now wait right here, I’ll be right back.” Rocket ordered Groot to stay right where he was and not climb into the cramped space with him.

Groot let out a whine and told Rocket that he wanted a snack from one of the concession stands. Rocket reluctantly obliges and goes to the nearest one to make Groot happy. When the raccoon returned to the pod area, his tree friend was nowhere to be found.

“Meh. He probably went to the bathroom.” Rocket said dismissively as he climbed into the pod. “His loss, I’m gonna eat this weird Terran delicacy known as ‘Buttered Popcorn’ by myself and he won’t get any!” He said as he began to eat the snack.

As Rocket tried to buckle into the harness on the seat, he noticed that the cabin was a little bit more cramped than he was thinking it was. As he took off to join the others, he had problems adjusting the radio. For some unknown reason, it wouldn’t stay on the station that Rocket set it to. Peter positioned his spacecraft to be in front of Rocket’s.

“Rocket?” Starlord’s voice finally came through on the shoddy radio. “You there?”

“Yeah, I’m here.” Rocket told him. “For some d’ast reason the radio keeps changing to some audio broadcast of Bob Ross.”

“Well...” Starlord smiled. “I think I know the reason why...” He pointed behind Rocket as he felt something scratch his ear.

As the raccoon turned, he didn’t see anything. He just shrugged it off. After he turned around, Groot made a funny face and scared him.

“AHHH, GROOT!” Rocket was about to jump out of his skin. “What the- what the flark are you doing?!?!”

Groot smiled “I am Groot.”

“I don’t care if you thought it was cute.” Rocket scolded the tree. “We’re trying to do something here and I can’t have you doing stupid stuff, k?” Groot looked at him as if he was about to cry. “No, no, no! Groot, I’m sorry, I take back what I said!” Groot is all smiles again.

“I am Groot.” Groot accepted his apology as he proceded to push more buttons.

“No! Don’t go pushing every button all willy-nilly like that, you idiot!” Rocket exclaimed “Do you want us to get blown up?” Groot shook his head. “Ok, just hit the buttons I say to hit, k?” Groot nodded as their pod joined the action.

After a rough fight, the outlaws lost the Orb after Gamora’s ship got destroyed. Peter got out of his pod (much to Rocket’s protesting) and took off his helmet and allowed himself to be captured by the Ravagers.

Rocket and Groot crash landed their pod where they last saw Drax fighting Ronan. Well, Ronan must’ve won their little duel because he was nowhere to be found and Drax’s lifeless body was floating in some weird pool of yellow liquid.

Groot fished Drax’s body out of the pool and laid it on the ground. He then pierced Drax’s chest with a long stick-like finger and made Drax cough out the liquid, bringing him back to life.

“Idiots!” Rocket was pacing around in a circle. “They’re all idiots!” Drax looked confused. “Quill just got himself capture!” Rocket turned to the Destroyer. “None of this would’ve happened if you hadn’t TAKEN ON A FRICKIN’ ARMY!”

“Come on, Groot, Ronan’s got the stone.” Rocket took a deep breath. “Look, the only choice we’ve got is to make it across the other end of the galaxy and maybe, just maybe live normal lives. It’s just the two of us now.”

Drax got to his feet and placed his hand on Groot’s shoulder. “Three.”

Rocket growled in frustration. “GRRR!” He turned to a patch of grass and started to kick it. “YOU’RE. MAKING. ME. BEAT. UP. GRASS!”

A short time later, Rocket, Groot, and Drax were able to commandeer an abandoned spacecraft and went out looking for the people that “saved” Peter and Gamora. They found the ship that they were aboard and put their plan into action.

They had Drax climb up on top of their ship to fire two warning shots at the much larger one to get their attention. Followed by a most peculiar announcement coming over the loudspeaker...

“And now they’re happy little trees!” The recording of Bob Ross played over on the loudspeaker.

“Groot. No, no! Give me that you dumbass!” Rocket’s voice could be heard as he took the microphone from Groot.

The raccoon cleared his throat. “Attention, idiots.” He began his speech. “The lunatic on top of this craft is holding a Hadron Enforcer.” 

Rocket smiled. “A weapon of my own design.” He boasted. “And if you don’t hand over our companions now, he’s gonna tear your ship up. A very big BOOM!” 

“We’ll give ya ‘til the count of five.” Rocket began the countdown. “Five! Four! Three! Two-”

Peter raced to the the radio on his ship as Rocket almost finished. “Whoa, whoa! Rocket, it’s me for crying out loud, we’ve figured it out, we’re fine!”

“Oh, hey, Quill, what’s going on?” Rocket jokingly asked as they got their ship on the much larger one.

“So, you’ve figured it out?” Rocket asked as soon as they sat in the meeting room of the Eclector, Peter’s surrogate father, Yondu’s ship. “We’re gonna rob the guys that just beat us senseless.”

“How is that senseless when you only gave us until the count of five?!” Quill spat back.

“Well, we didn’t have time to work out the minute details of the plan.” He turned to Groot. “This is what we get for acting altruistically.”

“I am Groot.” Groot glared at Peter.

“They are ungrateful.” Rocket nodded along with his buddy.

“Guys, we only have ten seconds before Yondu comes in, expecting some sort of plan.” Peter said through gritted teeth.

“I don’t beli that you’ve even got a plan.” Rocket chimed in.

“I’ve got... PART OF a plan.” Peter admitted.

“Oh yeah?” The raccoon didn’t believe him. “What percentage?”

“I dont know... Twelve percent.”

“Twelve percent?!?!” Rocket burst out laughing.

“That’s not a real laugh.” Peter muttered.

“Oh, it’s real.” Rocket yelled back.

“I am Groot.” Groot broke up the fight.

“What do you mean by ‘it’s better than eleven percent’?” Rocket asked Groot. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

Peter realizes that he has a newfound ally in Groot. “Thank you, Groot. Thank you.” He pat Groot on his shoulder. “See? Groot’s the only one out of all of you who has a clue.”

They all turned to Groot, who was munching on a leaf protruding from his other shoulder. What? It wasn’t like Rocket stopped for food on their way to “rescue” Peter and Gamora.

Quill placed his head in his hand as he stood there. He then placed it down at his side.

I look around us and you know what I see?” Quill started his plea towards the others. “Losers. I mean, folks, who’ve lost stuff. And we have, boy, we have. Our homes, families, normal lives. Life may have taken a lot out of us, but I, for one, am not gonna stand by and watch as Ronan wipes out billions of innocent lives.”

“But, Quill.” Rocket looked up from the floor. “Stopping Ronan... it’s impossible. You’re asking us to die.”

“Yeah. I guess I am.”

After an uncomfortable amount of silence, Gamora spoke up.

“I have lived my life surrounded by my enemies.” She looked at him. “I would be grateful to die among my friends.” She stood beside Peter.

Drax stood next. “You are an honorable man, Quill.” He felt different now. “I will fight beside you.” Drax smiled, perhaps for the first time in a long time. “And in the end, see my wife and daughter again.”

Groot took out his Bob Ross doll and nodded. He then joined the others. “I am Groot.”

Groot then turned to Rocket.

“Ah, what the Hell, I don’t have that long of a lifespan anyways.” Rocket sighed as he straightened out his clothes. 

“Now I’m standing. Y’all happy?” He said sarcastically. “We’re all standing up now. Bunch of jackasses, standing in a circle.”

Before they set out for their meeting with destiny, Groot brought Rocket to the ship that the raccoon will be piloting by himself on his own mission.

“What am I gonna do with this?” Rocket asked as Groot handed him the picture of Bob Ross with the lock of his hair.

“I am Groot.” 

“Ugh, you and your superstitions, ya big lug.” Rocket patted Groot on the back as the tree hung the picture next to Rocket’s pilot’s seat. He then looked at the picture and smiled. “It looks good, Groot. Let’s go see if everyone else is ready.

Soon after, Rocket parted ways with the others. As he watched Rocket’s spaceship fly away, Groot had nothing but worry: One part for Rocket’s safety, but also, thinking back, the events of the dream he had a while ago were slowly coming into focus as they played out in real life.

“Hey, Groot!” Peter greeted him. “Whatcha doing still sitting around? We gotta get going soon.”

“I am Groot.” He explained as Peter, who didn’t understand Grootish, looked confused.

“Uh, yeah.” Peter tried to make out what Groot just said purely by his body language. “Don’t worry, Rocket’ll be fine. It’s not the first time he’s flown a ship by himself.” Groot looked up at him. “Let’s get going, buddy.”

On board the Milano, the crew all sat in their respective seats: Peter and Gamora in the pilot and copilot seats, respectively, with Drax sitting in the middle rear seat and Groot sitting in the seat behind Peter.

As they flew, it was uncomfortably quiet. Groot looked around nervously. His nervousness was tenfold since Rocket wasn’t anywhere around.

Peter got up from his seat to get a drink. He sees Groot. “Heya, Groot. Whatcha doin’?”

Groot still had that nervous look on his face.

“Don’t worry.” Peter again reassured him. “There won’t be any action while we’re in the Xandarian atmosphere. So just kick back and relax.” He turned on the monitor in front of Groot, he turned it to TV mode. “Here, watch some TV or something.”

“I am Groot?”

“Yeah, whatever you want.” Peter showed him how to find shows and movies. Groot found what he wanted.

Peter was amazed as he saw the opening credits to a kid’s show that he hasn’t seen in a long time.

“BOB ROSS?!?!” Peter’s jaw was on the floor. “Dude, I haven’t seen this show since I was a kid! This guy is amazing!”

“I am Groot?” Groot was surprised at the nostalgia shock Quill was experiencing as he sat down next to Groot.

Groot and Peter were in Bob Ross heaven for the next half hour. Gamora came by to tell them that they were out of the atmosphere to no avail, as the power of Bob Ross compelled her to watch along. Drax came by five minutes later to tell them the same thing, but, alas, even he too was hypnotized by Bob Ross’ smooth voice. 

“Hovat and Kamaria would watch this show on a daily basis.” Drax said. “He was a legend from where we came from.”

The four of them continued to watch The Joy of Painting in absolute peace until the Milano was too far away from any satellite or wifi signal.

“Damn it. I specifically told Kraglin to upgrade the Milano’s wifi signal.” Peter sighed. “Again, he ignored me.”

The silence was short lived as Rocket’s voice came over the radio. He said that there was a big armada of Ronan’s fleet coming by to defend his ship. 

Everyone returned to their seats and a big space battle commenced.

After the Milano crash landed into the belly of the Dark Aster, Ronan’s ship, everyone got out.

It was dark and dingy when the small group stepped outside of their spaceship into the much larger spaceship they crashed landed into.

Groot looked around. He couldn’t even see six feet ahead of him.

“I can barely see.” Drax bluntly stated.

“No shit, Sherlock.” Rocket’s first immediate comment Groot knew that his friend would surely say if he was here come into his mind. But, alas, Rocket was not here. He was busy helping protect the city below from an alien attack.

Groot then held out one of his hands and open his palm. Tiny golden spores then spewed forth and lit up the cavernous belly of the ship. 

Drax then asked “Where did you learn how to do that?”

Starlord flatly stated, “I’m pretty sure the answer is ‘I am Groot.’” Groot looks at him as if to say “I’m Bob Ross, man!”

As they walked through the corridor, Drax said how thankful he was to finally have friends.

“You, Peter Quill, are my friend.”

“Thanks.”

“This dumb tree, he too is my friend.” Drax motioned to Groot, who grunted, insulted by the comment. He then looked at his Bob Ross doll in his hand and clutched it tighter to his chest.

“And this green-.” Drax tried to compliment Gamora.

“Oh, will you stop it!” She snapped at him as the two heavily armed doors opened and out walked a thin blue woman who, by Groot’s best guess knew the woman in their group by the way that they referred to each other as “Sister.”

Gamora then went on to fight her “sister”, telling Groot and the others to fight off the guards as they came. They did pretty good for a while, taking out guard by guard. But that was one guard at a time. Eventually, the guards wised up and they came out in pairs, groups of 3, 4 etc. until there was a large throng of at least 10-20 guards coming up from the lower levels.

Peter and Drax weren’t able to take them on by themselves. That’s when Groot came in and without a second thought, extended one of his branch-like arms out like a spear and pierced the group in the middle as if they were nothing more than pieces of steak on a shish-kebab. Dumbfounded, the guards that weren’t stabbed through their bodies just stared at their brethren in awe. That’s when Groot let through a fierce battle shout and began to thrash his arm skewered with the guards from side to side, smashing everything in sight up against the walls until Groot noticed that the guards were dead. 

Pleased with himself, Groot turned to his comrades and gave them the biggest, silliest smile of his life as if to say “I did it, mommy!”

Shortly after that, the door to the control room was open and they met up with Gamora, her “sister” nowhere to be found, having escaped moments earlier.

Quill then took out one of Rocket’s improvised guns that he specially built for this mission and aimed it at Ronan, who had a mace that was just as tall as he was and had a weird purple stone embedded into the head. Unfortunately, Peter missed the shot and Ronan was about to obliterate Groot and the others as they heard a crash.

There was Rocket in his spaceship aiming for Ronan, screaming. Groot just stared at Rocket as the smaller ship the raccoon was flying crashed through the much larger one of their enemy. Luckily, Peter knocked Groot out of the way of Rocket’s spaceship. Unfortunately, the impact of the crash weakened the interior of the enemy ship that they were now trapped in.

As pieces of the much larger ship came down around them, Groot took a look at his surroundings. Rocket was still strapped into his small spaceship, alive, but unconscious. Starlord went over to the smaller spaceship to undo Rocket’s seat belts and bring him over to Groot. Drax was thrown over to a corner, bruised and rendered unconscious too, albeit more severely than Rocket. Gamora dragged Drax’s body to where Groot and Peter, who was holding Rocket’s limp rodent-like body in his arms.

Groot knew what he had to do. Without a second thought, he kneeled down and outstretched his arms as tiny twigs and branches enveloped him and his companions into a protective cocoon with spores inside to illuminate the inside. As the branches wrapped around the still-unconscious Drax in a sturdy blanket, Groot’s best friend, Rocket woke up and saw what was happening.

“No, Groot!” He said, holding back tears as he got up from the human’s arms and gingerly walked over to the tree that was now part of the ball.

“You can’t.” He looked Groot in the eyes as he leaned up on him. He was about to cry for the first time in his life. “You’ll die.”

“Why are you doing this?” Rocket asked his friend, the tears ready to come out of his beady little eyes. “Why?”

Groot outstretches a tiny branch to wipe away a tear from Rocket’s eye. He then takes out his Bob Ross doll and hands it over to Rocket.

“We... are... Groot.” He told his friend as he closed his eyes and says nothing as he sees a bright light as the ship came crashing down.

After the battle that ultimately saw the demise of Ronan, Rocket returned to Groot’s corpse, which was just a bunch of sticks spread all over a small area. 

As he picked one up, Rocket couldn’t bear the thought of losing the only person that cared about him. He then sat down and looked around the scene. Everyone else at least had someone else who cared for them, except Rocket.

Drax sat down by the raccoon and started to pet him. Rocket was startled at first, but then he accepted Drax’s affection. But no matter what, nothing could replace Groot.

“Do not mourn your friend.” Drax began. “He would not want to see you like this. He would want to see you happy, to live the life that you wanted to live.” He saw a tiny pot with soil already in it. “Here.” He grabs the pot and motioned for Rocket to plant Groot’s stick into the soil.

“Th-thanks.” Rocket was grateful for Drax’s kind gesture, but he was still saddened.

After the ceremony with Nova, the newfound Guardians of the Galaxy were gifted a brand new version of the Milano. As Rocket sat in his seat, with the pot, he swore that he could see some movement within the stick. He got out the Bob Ross doll and sat it right next to the twig.

“H-hey. I don’t know if I’m seeing things or that if you’re really in there, but, I’ve known the old version of you and his name was Groot and he just loved Bob Ross. I don’t know if you’re the same Groot, but, maybe if you wake up, this’ll brin back some memories.” Rocket told the stick as the others entered and took their seats. Now-Baby-Groot opened his eyes and yawned adorably as he hugged the Bob Ross doll and looked up at his raccoon daddy.

“What should we do now?” Peter asked. “Something good? Something bad? A bit of both?”

“Your call, Starlord.” Gamora flirted with him.