#dubem

I want so badly,

so greatly,

so deeply,

the things that I cannot have.

I'm fixated,

ensnared by,

confounded by,

my unimaginable longing.

I fantasize letting go.

I fantasize the other side.

We’ve been here before

My essence

Your presence

My eyes

Your touch

Your hands

And my waist

That God himself molded specifically for your hands to hold

My desire to be in your orbit

You gently pulling me in

& my willingness to go there with you, always

& your willingness to go there with me,

always.

Under these glitter-stickered skies

We eclipse

Consumed by each other.

But like the moon to its Earth

We choose distance over reconciliation

For reasons I no longer care to know.

What I do know, though

Is that my love for you overwhelms me.

And,

I grieve the love of someone who stands right in front of me.

I was happier before I discovered love.

And now that I’ve lost it,

I’ve lost myself.

I crave things I was once ignorant of.

And yearn for lovers I was never meant to have.

What a double-edged sword,

To experience love.

An omen toward a life of endless bliss, or

Endless, insatiable desire.

I long for stillness

Where the waters of the world aren't overcoming

Where light that makes day rests fully on the shoulders of another’s waves.

Like the oceans of the Caribbean.

Where can I go?

To find teal-painted dreams and crystal clear consciousness.

Where can I run to?

To find solace, if, but for a moment.

For these temporary highs just end in low lows,

And my suffering hangs by the raft of your will.

I long for stillness.

Where the days' given grace doesn’t rely on my fight.

Where I can lay my head and my woes drift away.

Where the sun finanlly sets on the shores of my worries.

Just like

The oceans of the Caribbean.

I will vow to you gracefully

Surrender every making of me

For a chance to be

One, with you.

Adorn my ears with those magic words

Feel my heart with those hands of yours

Watch me close, see all I’d endure

To lay myself at your altar.

For a taste of the tomorrow we only dreamed could be

Where the days resembled eternity

I with you, and you with me

May God himself be with us.

Hear me clearly and always know

Submission to you is the becoming of me

And I am,

and will ever be..

Forevermore,

Yours.

Who knew

The antidote to love would be pain.

And who knew

That you who were once my cure

Would become my beloved curse.

The sweetest remedy turned bitter.

A desperate hope now a loveless love.

You are my greatest dream

and my biggest nightmare.

You are everything I crave

I presume the opportunity to love you has passed

But the desire have you..

To indulge you..

And give my all to you..

Still lives, still breathes.

Yet I find myself waging this senseless war against myself in hopes that it will end in declaration to the one who my heart deserves.

You did not deserve me

Nor did you choose me.

So please then,

Just

You are

A Distant Land.

And I am

An island of sorts.

Alone.

And unearthed by the reality that you are not near.

Cast away by the thoughts I thought would be my compass.

And led astray by the ideas I thought would lead me to redemption.

Baptized my sorrows in a foreigners waters,

And raised to a life that was never mine.

Now, I hang to hollowed prayer as life raft.

Thank you. Forgive me. Guide me. Repeat.

But my God, how I'm lost. My God, how you’ve lost me.

And now it feels like the only option is to..

Drown myself in this ocean you've created of me.

And while you've made a home in the hearts of others,

I'm left here,

Vacant.

Scared.

Astray.

And you are