#dsliceandangelbeannetwork

Truth be told, Dan could probably be cold anywhere - he’s wearing a sweatshirt right now (it’s Phil’s and it’s just a little too big on him, but most importantly it’s warm and it smells overwhelmingly like Phil), but he doesn’t like to argue with Katherine so he just says, “it’s lovely, Mrs. Lester. Thank you for having me.”

Katherine rolls her eyes fondly. “For the millionth time, love, call me Katherine.”

Phil, who had been getting Dan’s bag from the back of his car like the gentleman he is, checks Dan’s hip as he walks by. “Yeah, love,” he teases, and though his voice is laced with a teasing intonation, Dan still gets a warm feeling in his chest. Being around Phil in person is still so new to him, he wonders if there will ever be a time when Phil’s voice won’t make butterflies flutter in his stomach. He sure as hell hopes not.

Phil and Katherine walk in and Dan follows them. As Phil dumps Dan’s bag by the staircase that lead to the upstairs bedrooms (Phil’s and Martyn’s - Katherine and Mr. Lester’s bedrooms are downstairs) Katherine says, “so you’ll have the guest bedroom, love.”

Phil reacts like Katherine’s just slapped him in the face, and Dan definitely understands where he’s coming from. The whole way here, all they were texting about is being able to be in the same room, alone, free to kiss and touch and just hold each other, fall asleep in each other’s arms, nothing but their combined breaths. “But mum!” Phil whines like a petulant child.

Katherine puts a hand to Phil’s cheek. “Oh, don’t give me that look, child,” she says gently. “I do the same thing with Martyn and Cornelia. It wouldn’t be fair to give you special treatment just because Dan’s a boy.”

She gives Phil a look that says ‘try me’ and Phil, ever the obedient child even though he’s technically an adult, backs down. He raises his hands in surrender. Katherine smiles at him and pats his cheek. “Why don’t you show Dan the guest room, love?”

Phil takes Dan’s bag from the stairs and motions for Dan to follow him. Unfortunately, they don’t go upstairs - they walk past Katherine and down the hallway and finally, Phil enters a room that’s just across from his parents. It has a queen bed and is cute, actually, there are paintings of flowers on the wall and knick-knacks from the Lesters’ Florida adventures but it isn’t Phil’s room and so Dan instantly hates it.

Phil closes the door behind them and leaves Dan’s bag at the foot of the bed. “Sorry about this.” Phil plops down onto the bed and lands on his back. “I didn’t know she was gonna do that, obviously.”

“It’s fine,” Dan answers. He lays on the bed, on his side so that he can face Phil. From up close, Phil is even more beautiful. The light streaming through the windows light up Phil’s eyes - as deep and rich as the sea itself - and the freckles on his skin. Dan wonders offhandedly how many freckles Phil has, and has the strange urge to count them all.

Phil turns so that he’s facing Dan and his face lights up with a mischievous smile. “Hey,” he says. Dan hums in question. “What do you say you sneak up to my room after my mum and dad have fallen asleep? They’re such heavy sleepers that they wouldn’t even realize.”

Dan gasps in mock scandal. “Phil Lester,” he starts, his voice accusatory even though he can’t keep the giant fucking smile off of his face. “I will have you know I am a perfect Christian child.”

“Blah blah blah blah,” Phil mocks, his grin turning wider. Dan lightly punches him on the arm in retaliation. Phil rubs his arm as if it actually hurt (it didn’t). “I hope that isn’t the only bruise I’m getting, bear,” he teases.

Dan laughs. “You are such a fucking flirt,” he accuses, and Phil doesn’t get a chance to answer because Dan is pulling him into a crushing kiss. Phil kisses him back, runs his hands through Dan’s hair, tugs a little bit. Dan whines a little bit in the back of his throat. Phil does insane things to him. He turns Dan inside out and takes him apart and puts him back together. Dan’s sure he’s never loved someone as completely as he loves Phil Lester.

“Boys!” Katherine calls from outside the door. The two boys jump apart and look towards the door. Luckily, Katherine doesn’t enter. “Come help me pick out what we should have for dinner!”

Her footsteps retreat and Phil groans, dropping his head to Dan’s shoulder. He presses his lips to Dan’s collarbone and says, “later, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dan promises. “We’ll continue this later.”

-

Around 11:00PM, Katherine pops her head into Dan’s room. “Aight, love,” she says, glasses low on her nose. “I’m headed off to bed. Are you comfortable?”

“Very,” Dan answers. He’s got his laptop perched on his knees and he’s scrolling through Tumblr - he’s not going to bed yet. For one, he’s a bit of an insomniac and a night owl. And he’s waiting for a text from Phil telling him it’s safe to escape to his room for a few hours of uninterrupted Phil time. Dan’s heart throbs just thinking of it.

Katherine smiles at that. “Don’t stay up too late, okay? Lots to do tomorrow.”

Dan smiles back at her. Katherine has really become like a second mum to him - the entire Lester family is like a second family. He hopes there will never be a time where he’ll have to be apart from them. “I won’t, Mr-” he catches himself “-Katherine. Have a nice night.”

“You too, love,” Katherine says, and as she leaves she closes the door behind her. Dan can hear the bedroom door across the hall from him - Phil’s parents - open and close as she walks in.

At 11:23PM, Dan hears footsteps down the hallway. His heart sinks, thinking Phil’s mum must still be awake. At 11:27PM, his phone lights up with a text.

PHIL just walked past mum and dad’s

So that explains the footsteps, at least.

DAN verdict?

PHIL dead asleep m8 i have buffy set up

DAN omw

Dan exits his room as quietly as possible, using his phone as a light to guide his way. The door to Phil’s parents’ room is closed and no one comes out as Dan walks past. He thinks he’s in the clear as he walks towards the stairs, until he spots Martyn in the kitchen. Martyn’s wearing only a sleep shirt and a pair of boxers, his hair a mess on top of his head, and he’s dipping a bag of tea into a mug.

“Uh,” Dan starts eloquently. He’s fairly certain he can’t just sneak past Martyn at close to midnight and not say anything, but he’s not entirely sure what the etiquette is for sneaking past someone so you can go make out with their brother without their parents knowing.

Martyn pinches the bridge of his nose. “Just go,” he says. “Keep it down, you lot.”

Dan’s really grateful to Martyn, really, he is. He’s quiet, but from what Dan has seen of him and heard through Phil’s stories, he’s a really good older brother. It occurs to Dan that Martyn would be a good manager, but that’s a conversation for another day.

Dan walks up the stairs and enters Phil’s room, closing the door behind him. Phil’s laying in bed in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that hangs off his shoulders. His hair is a mess and is everywhere - he has so much of it - and he has his glasses on. He has his laptop sitting in front of him and Dan can see he’s queued up Buffy.

“Hey there, stranger,” Phil says in lieu of greeting. Dan crosses the room and presses a gentle kiss to Phil’s lips - his pulse speeds up because he can’t believe he gets a chance to do that - before he drops down onto Phil’s bed. Phil wraps an arm around Dan’s shoulders and pulls him in close. Phil smells like his body wash and deodorant and something distinctly Phil that Dan gets a little dizzy.

“You wanna watch Buffy?” Phil asks. He’s so close that Dan can hear the rumble of the words in his chest and it’s still so fucking surreal, getting to be like this with Phil, instead of watching him through a computer screen.

Dan nods instead of answering and Phil starts the first episode. They end up getting through four episodes before the two of them fall asleep tangled up in each other, Dan’s head on Phil’s chest, Phil’s arm draped lazily around Dan’s shoulders.

-

Katherine walks into Dan’s room at 8 in the morning to wake him up. When he’s not there, she walks into the kitchen, where Martyn just nods towards Phil’s room. She walks in and finds Dan and Phil asleep together, curled up together under the duvet.

She closes the door and lets them sleep for a little bit longer.

-

Dan’s the first one to wake up.

During the night, he and Phil have moved, but they’re still close together. Dan’s laying on his back now and Phil’s curled into his side, one of his legs thrown over Dan’s, his face pressed into Dan’s neck. Dan runs his hand through Phil’s hair and thinks he’s very fucking lucky to be able to wake up like this. He wants to wake up every single day in the same bed as Phil.

As if sensing Dan’s cheesy thoughts, Phil groans. “I can hear you thinking,” he says against Dan’s neck, the words slurred with sleep.

Dan just smiles and presses a gentle kiss to his forehead. Phil lifts his eyes to meet Dan and squints up at him. “Can’t see without my glasses,” he complains. He reaches over and grabs them off the nightstand. Once they’re on, he smiles. “There. Wanted to see your hobbit hair.”

“Hey,” Dan laughs. He retaliates by putting the hood of the sweatshirt he fell asleep wearing up. Phil just pouts and pulls Dan into a long kiss. Phil’s got morning breath, but Dan really could care less. That is, of course, until Phil knocks his hood off and pulls back to smile victoriously. “You’re an asshole,” Dan says, but he leans forward to kiss Phil again anyway.

They kiss until they’re broken apart by Phil’s stomach rumbling. They break apart with a laugh and Phil stands. “C’mon,” he says, offering a hand to Dan. “Let’s get breakfast.”

Dan takes Phil’s hand to stand and doesn’t let go. The two of them walk hand in hand down the stairs, where Katherine, Mr. Lester, Martyn and Cornelia are all sitting in the kitchen, eating breakfast. Cornelia has a book open in front of her, Martyn looking over her shoulder. The two of them laugh as she points at something. “Is that Phil? Oh my goodness!”

Dan and Phil sit side by side, and as Katherine stands to get them both a plate of pancakes, Dan asks, “is what Phil?”

Cornelia doesn’t answer; instead, she walks over and drops the book in front of Dan. It’s a photo album, and the page she’s open to shows Phil, probably age eight or nine, smiling goofily at the camera with a skateboard at his feet. “Oh my god,” Dan says, because it’s easily one of the cutest things he’s ever seen and Phil’s never mentioned skating. “You shredded?”

“Not well,” Phil says. “I could, like, move a little, but I wasn’t as good as the boys at the skatepark so I gave it up when I was 15.”

“I still have your skateboard in the garage,” Katherine says as she leans over Phil to pour him a cup of coffee. “You should teach Dan how to skate.”

“Yeah?” Phil asks. Dan really has no desire to skate, but the way Phil’s eyes light up at the suggestion - fuck, Dan would jump in a volcano if it would make Phil smile like that. “You wanna, Dan?”

“Sure,” Dan answers. “I’m down.”

-

That afternoon, Phil has Dan on the sidewalk in front of the Lester’s house, helmet on, standing on a skateboard. He has his arms around Dan’s waist to keep him from falling over, which Dan feels dangerously close to. He’s naturally clumsy already, but the added energy of Phil right on top of him has him a little wobbly.

“So keep your feet spread evenly apart facing opposite to the skateboard,” Phil directs. Dan fixes his feet accordingly and Phil watches. “Good, okay. So you’re gonna turn your front foot,” he taps Dan’s left foot with his own, “forward and push off with your right foot. Just go slowly.”

Dan pushes off and starts moving slowly, Phil’s hands still around his waist, walking with him. Phil gives him a proud smile. “You’ve got it!” he says. “Put your foot down to stop?” Dan puts his foot down and the skateboard stops under him. Phil kisses his cheek. “Brilliant. Wanna try yourself?”

“Yeah,” Dan answers. He feels pretty confident, actually. If young Phil could do this, he can do. Maybe being the Tony Hawk of his fourteen year old self’s dreams isn’t as difficult as he originally thought.

Phil lets go of him and stands behind him. Dan takes a second to compose himself and then pushes off. For a minute, he’s fine, until he pushes himself again and goes faster. He panics a bit, unsure of how to slow, and loses balance. He falls on his arse, the skateboard moving without him until it eventually slows to a stop a few feet away.

Phil rushes over and kneels in front of Dan. “You alright?” he asks. When Dan nods, Phil offers him a hand. Dan stands and feels his heart speed up a little when Phil doesn’t let go of his hand. “Come on,” he says, walking Dan over to the skateboard. “Let’s try again. You got this.”

-

Inside, Cornelia shakes her head from where she’s watching them and washing dishes with Martyn. “They’re engaged before the year is over, I bet.”

Martyn turns to her as he dries off a plate she hands to him. “I’m willing to take that bet.”

Cornelia holds out her hand. “You’re on, Martyn Lester.”

AUTHOR’S NOTES:

hey!

this was written for a prompt that, again, is super duper old! i’ve been trying to get through some of my old prompts and this is one of them. i hope you like this, anon, if you even still follow me.

please reblog if you enjoyed this fic! it really helps the blog to grow and makes me smile. i’m especially proud of my recent work and it would make me very happy if people could see my new work.

if you want to read more of my fics, you can check the list of everything i’ve ever written here. if you want to follow me (thank you!) feel free to do so here. 

thank you for your endless support. 

Martyn had been telling him for weeks how important this meeting was for his channel and he had remembered, honestly, except he set his alarm when he was in Florida with his mum and did the math wrong and when he woke up he had ten minutes to get to a building that was fifteen minutes away.

He took a deep breath. Jesus, why couldn’t that Uber would pull up closer?

Unfortunately, even at the best of times Phil was a little bit clumsy. Not paying attention, he ran face first into someone going the other way. Papers went flying as the both of them fell to the floor.

Phil gasped. “Oh my god!” he exclaimed. He quickly gathered the papers from the sidewalk and put them in a half-assed pile. “I am so sorry, oh my god.”

“Maybe watch where you’re going next time, yeah?” came the voice from the person Phil bumped into. Phil stood and reached his hand out to the other person, looking at him for the first time. His heart stopped.

He was probably the most gorgeous person Phil had ever seen in his entire life. He was tall, in all black, legs for miles and skinny jeans that showed that off. He had deep brown eyes, a gorgeous face, full lips, brown, curly hair. He took Phil’s hand and stood, fixing his hair when he was standing.

He gave Phil a weird look. “Are you gonna give me my music back or-”

“Oh!” Phil exclaimed, handing the pile back. It was sheet music. The boy straightened the pile. “I-I’m Phil,” he said to the boy. “Sorry fo-”

He was interrupted by the sound of his phone buzzing. Shit, Martyn. The meeting. “I’m sorry, I have to go,” he apologized. He gave the boy an apologetic smile before he booked it the rest of the way to the office building.

Martyn was waiting for him with crossed arms in the doorway. He looked oddly like their mum.

“Martyn-” Phil started, but his brother held up his hand.

“Don’t need the excuse right now, Phil.” Martyn answered. He took Phil’s hand and dragged him into the elevator.

Phil leaned against the wall across from the glass of the elevator and took a deep breath. From here, London looked absolutely beautiful, buzzing with life and people. Across the street was a coffee shop and a piano outside where up-and-coming musicians usually played.

Phil watched as the same curly haired boy from before walked past and sat at the piano, setting up his music. Phil gasped loudly enough to pull Martyn from whatever he was looking at on his phone.

“What?” Martyn asked. He turned to look behind him. “What’s wrong, Phil?”

“Who’s that?” Phil pointed to the boy playing piano. “That guy on the piano, the curly haired one, who is he?”

Martyn rolled his eyes. “Daniel Howell or something, I dunno. He’s a pretentious musician.” The door opened and Martyn stepped out. Phil stayed for a second, transfixed by the boy. Daniel.

Martyn sighed. “Come on, Phil, we’re already late!”

With one last longing glance at the boy on the piano, Phil walked into the meeting.

TUESDAY

The events of the day before had been all but forgotten by the time Tuesday morning rolled around. The meeting had gone great, his brand hadn’t fired him and replaced him with another YouTuber with swoopy black hair. In fact, he and Martyn had learned that he was on his way to his most productive YouTube year ever, so, score.

Martyn had gone back to Phil’s flat and the two of them drank themselves into a coma in celebration. So coffee was the only thing on Phil’s mind Tuesday morning.

As he walked up the coffee shop, he could hear someone singing. He stood back a little when he saw the same curly haired boy from before on the piano, singing with his eyes closed. Daniel was clearly swept up in the music, paid no mind to the people putting money in his tip jar.

“Must be love on the brain,” Daniel sang, his voice ringing down the street. “That’s got me feelin’ this way.”

Phil stood back, transfixed, as he watched Daniel play. As the final notes of the song rang out, he spoke without even intending to. “That was really good.”

Daniel jumped as if he hadn’t been aware anyone was watching him. He turned to Phil and laughed a little bit. “Are you just stalking me, mate?”

Phil blushed bright red at that. “No, no!” he assured Daniel. “No, I was just going to get a cup of coffee and-” he motioned to the coffee shop. “-uh, I heard you playing and, uh, you’re really-” he ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry. This is creepy right? I’m gonna stop.”

Daniel laughed, the sound making Phil smile a little bit. “I’m just messing with you,” Daniel assured him. He smiled at Phil. “You got a name, stranger?”

“Phil,” Phil said quickly. “Lester. Philip Lester. Hi.”

“Hi,” Daniel said with a little chuckle. “I’m Dan Howell.”

“I know,” Phil answered. When Dan raised an eyebrow, he rushed to explain himself. “I mean, like. My brother told me that you’re a musician. I’m not some kind of creepy stalker, I swear.”

Dan laughed again. “I like you, Phil Lester. You’re funny.”  

Phil smiled back at him. He leaned against the piano and asked, “so can I buy you a cup of coffee?”

Dan gave him an indulgent little smile in return. “I would, he started, “but I’m really supposed to be working right now.”

“Oh!” Phil backed off of the piano like he’d been burned. “I’m sorry!”

“It’s fine,” Dan said with another chuckle.

Phil waved at him lamely as he walked into the coffee shop, the sounds of Dan playing flowing through the door.

WEDNESDAY

“I’ve got it bad, Lou,” Phil said to Louise, sitting in a booth in the coffee shop that afternoon. Dan was playing outside but Phil was making a conscious effort not to look at him. After all, he didn’t want to be the creepy guy who was stalking dan at his place of work. He wasn’t that desperate.

“For who?” Louise asked, smiling at Phil from over her cup of tea. They usually had a chat about whatever was happening that week, and Phil had called her that morning asking if she was free. He really needed to talk about his sudden, and unrelenting, crush on Dan the pianist.

“The guy playing piano right now,” Phil muttered.

Louise, with her superhuman mom hearing, gasped at the news. “Phil!” She squealed, leaning out of the booth to get a glance at Dan.

“Oh my god, don’t look!” Phil hissed under his breath.

Louise rolled her eyes and turned back to Phil. “You’re so dramatic,” she reprimanded. “Have you spoken to him?”

“Once,” Phil answered. He took a long sip from his coffee. “Or twice, rather.”

Louise squealed again. “Oo, tell me, tell me!”

Phil sighed. “So the first time I was late to a meeting across the street and ran face first into him-”

Louise scoffed. “Oh my god,” she laughed. “It’s like a bad romcom, innit?”

Phil narrowed his eyes at her. “It’s not funny. It’s tragically my life.” When Louise held her hands up in surrender, Phil continued. “Anyway. I think he thought I was a bit of an asshole and I was gonna apologize but I had a meeting that I was already late to so.”

“So,” Louise replied. When Phil didn’t continue, she urged him on. “Come on! What was the other time?”

“Yesterday,” Phil answered. “I was hungover so I needed a cup of coffee and I walked past and saw him playing. I was like ‘oh you’re good’ and we talked a little but I’m an idiot so I didn’t get his number.”

“Well duh!” Louise laughed. “The answer is obvious.” When Phil just raised an eyebrow at her, she continued. “You have to get his number!” Her lips turned up into a smirk. “Or get your number to him?”

Phil laughed darkly. “Easier said than done, Lou.”

THURSDAY

Phil laid in wait in the coffee shop, two cups in his hands, waiting for a pause in the music when he could go talk to Dan. It was a little creepy, but it was also Louise’s plan, and not a bad one at that. One of the cups was plain, the other had his name and number. He was going to go outside, give Dan the cup and walk away. If he was into Phil, Phil would get a text. If he wasn’t, Phil could die of shame.

Louise whacked his shoulder when he told her this part of the plan, but whatever.

The song came to a close and Phil walked out to the sound of scattered applause. Dan sat at the piano, scribbling on the music, thanking the people that put tips in his jar. He looked up in confusion when Phil put a cup of coffee on his piano. “For you,” Phil said gently.

Dan reached up and took it with an amused smile. “Thank you,” he answered. “That’s very kind.” He took a sip of the coffee but didn’t look at the cup.

Phil bit his lip. He hadn’t come up with anything else in the plan, and he certainly hadn’t accounted for this awkward lull of silence. “Well,” he said softly.

Dan laughed. “Well?” he questioned. Phil felt his knees turn to jelly. Dan’s laugh was beautiful and Phil wanted to keep hearing it more than anything.

“Well,” Phil said again. He stayed by the piano for a second. “Well, call me, if you wanna.”

With that, Phil walked away, just barely missing the “wait!” from Dan as he realized.

-

When Phil got home, he looked at his cup and realized it had his name and number. He had taken the wrong cup.

FRIDAY

Phil spent most of his day in bed, staring at the still full cup sitting on his dresser. He’s an idiot. A fucking idiot who will likely never have a boyfriend because god and the universe hates him.

A sharp knock at the door brought Phil out of his spiral. He sighed, paused the Buffy marathon he had been part way through. He stretches up, winces at the way his joints cracked. He sighed and waddled over to the door.

Martyn burst through before Phil could say hello. In lieu of a greeting, Martyn exclaimed, “Philip Michael Lester, if I wasn’t your brother, I’d quit. I hope you know that.”

“Nice to see you too,” Phil muttered under his breath. “How are you? Good? That’s good. I’ve been taking a depression nap because I ruined my chance to be with my soulmate and now I can nev-”

Martyn rolled his eyes, effectively shutting Phil up. He put his hand on his hip and glared at his younger brother. “You done?”

Phil shrugged. “I assume so.”

Martyn held out a piece of paper. When Phil just looked at it, Martyn asked, “well? You gonna take it?”

Phil took the piece of paper from Martyn’s outstretched hand and carefully unfolded it. He gasped as he read the shaky handwriting.

phil,

if you ever wanna do something (other than grab a cup of coffee, dear god) hmu

-dan.

“Wha-” Phil spluttered unhelpfully. “How?”

“Dan came to the office looking for you,” Martyn explained. “He said that he was waiting for you to make a move, and when you didn’t, he did it himself. Then they called me and I went in to get his number for you.” He sighed. “Jesus, Phil, are you actually ten? Can you not just ask a bloke out yourself?”

Suddenly, the full notion of what was actually happening hit. “Thank you!” Phil said quickly. He hugged his brother and then grabbed his phone. “Oh my god! I’m so happy. What should I say?”

Martyn rolled his eyes, but he looked fond. “Dunno,” he answered. “What would a cool guy say?”

Phil laughed. “Hell if I know,” he answered as he sent his first text.

TO DAN hey stranger.

FIN.

AUTHOR’S NOTE

hiii 

this was written for @youtubeandsatan, who prompted this so long ago they probably don’t remember. i hope you love this!

this was super fun to write and i hope it was fun to read! if you liked this, please, please consider reblogging it! i hate to complain but my fics have been really suffering lately and reblogs really do help this blog to grow. thank you so much if you decide to share this fic! 

if you’d like to read something else i’ve written, please check this list! if you’d like to follow me, i’d really love to be pals.

thank you all so much for supporting me. i love you all <3

It’s New Year’s Eve and Dan and Phil are snuggled into each other. Phil’s got an arm around Dan’s waist as he talks to Louise. Dan’s head lolls against Phil’s shoulder. He’s much less sober than Phil is, but he doesn’t care. He’s content to feel the rumble of Phil’s voice in his chest, feel Phil’s fingers trace over his hipbones.

Louise smiles warmly at the two of them. She’s been absolutely glowing since the news about her second child, and Dan supposes that’s probably what brings the question up. “So,” she says. “When are the beautiful husbands-” she motions to the matching rings on their hands, there since Japan when they had taken each other for life in a sudden, unplanned ceremony, “-going to grace us with a child of their own?”

“Oh-” Phil starts.

He’s probably about to come up with some excuse to talk her out of it. Phil’s really good at doing that. When Dan didn’t want labels as a scared, closeted kid in 2012, he’d come up with excuses like “we’re not rushing into anything” and “we don’t believe in labels.” Again, when Dan was afraid of getting married, “we have too much on our plate,” “we don’t need a piece of paper to prove we love each other.”

The baby thing is the new thing Phil needs to make excuses for. But Dan’s really drunk so he cuts Phil off with a “-tomorrow.”

Louise knows that drunk promise means nothing, but Phil’s eye catches Dan’s for just a moment too long and both of them can suddenly feel the energy that look has.

When midnight strikes, everyone shouts their blessings for a beautiful 2017. Phil pulls Dan into a kiss that’s as beautiful and mind numbing as their kisses usually are. Dan secretly vows to bring the baby thing up when they’re both more sober.

If he remembers, that is.

MAY 15th, 2018

Dan’s leg is shaking as he sits next to Phil in an ER at three in the morning.

It had taken over a year - a crazy, hectic, amazing year - to work everything out, but they had. They found a surrogate and signed the papers and were there for every one of her milestones. And then Phil got a call at three in the morning that their surrogate had gone into labor and neither he nor Dan was even angry at the fact that they were woken up.

They’re having a baby.

They barely get any sleep, and at nine, half asleep, a nurse comes to get them.

Their surrogate looks like she’s just been through hell and back, but she’s holding a baby in her arms and that’s all that Dan can focus on. That’s their daughter. She’s holding their daughter.

She catches Dan’s eye and smiles at him. “Do you want to hold her?” she asks.

Dan wants so badly to hold his daughter, but he’s frozen in fear. Phil steps forward and says, “Can I hold her?” and then takes her when the surrogate nods.

“Dan,” he says, his voice quiet and reverent and on the verge of tears. “Dan, she’s gorgeous.” He bounces their daughter, hums softly under his breath. Dan feels his heart swell with affection for his family - his family.

“Oh, let me,” he says suddenly. Phil just smiles and carefully gives Dan their daughter.

Dan looks down at her, her beautiful little face, her tiny hands, she’s perfect. She’s all theirs. Dan almost can’t believe it.

Phil wraps an arm around Dan’s waist and smiles at his husband.

CHRISTMAS EVE, 2018

It’s around midnight when Phil wanders into their lounge with a baby monitor in his hands. He stands in the doorway and watches Dan, standing on a ladder, decorating a tree that’s somehow taller than the both of them.

Phil clears his throat and Dan jumps. He laughs a little as he climbs off the ladder awkwardly. Phil wraps his arms around his husband’s waist, his head against Dan’s shoulder, looking up at the tree.

“You’re such a try-hard,” Phil says softly.

Dan laughs. He turns so he’s facing Phil. “I just want Emily to have a perfect Christmas.”

For the millionth time since they’ve been a couple, his heart bursts with affection for his husband. Dan’s so fucking perfect in every way, Phil’s can’t help but be hopelessly in love with him.

“C’mere,” Phil says, and he pulls Dan into a gentle kiss. Dan’s arms come to wrap around Phil’s neck, Phil’s trailing under Dan’s shirt as he drops the baby monitor to the floor. They haven’t had a lot of alone time since Emily was born and the contact feels amazing. Phil’s half-convinced he could kiss Dan forever.

Of course, that’s when the baby monitor lights up and Emily starts crying again.

Dan and Phil break apart with a breathless laugh. Phil picks the baby monitor up off the floor and gives Dan a sheepish smile. “I should probably go see if she’s okay.”

“Probably,” Dan answers. He pecks Phil’s lips before he smacks his ass. “Go!” he says. “I have to keep being a try-hard, anyway.”

FEBRUARY 14th, 2019

“It’s fine, Dan,” Louise insists. She’s got Emily in her arms as she smiles at Dan. “I love your daughter.”

Dan groans. “I know, but it’s Valentine’s Day,” he says. He packs another shirt into his bag and sighs. “You should be having fun, not watching Emily.”

“You need a day off,” Louise insists. “I know how hard it is being a first time parent. You and Phil deserve some time to get sexy with each other.”

Dan laughs at that. “God, okay, mum,” he says. He kisses Emily’s forehead. “Me and papa will see you tomorrow, baby girl.”

-

Phil’s the first one into the hotel room, trailed by Dan. “This is nice,” he says.

Dan nods in agreement, “yeah,” he answers. He puts his bags down and goes, “a little dingy, you reckon?”

Phil shrugs. “It’s not like we’re actually staying here.”

Dan presses Phil into a wall and kisses him, Phil’s bag dropping to the floor. Dan gets his hands in Phil’s hair and pulls. Phil whines somewhere high in his throat, presses until he’s flush against Dan.

Dan pulls back enough from the kiss so that he can gets his and Phil’s shirts off and onto the floor. He connects their lips again, gets his hands to Phil’s belt and is in the process of undoing it when his phone rings.

Dan pulls back and Phil latches onto his neck. “No, no, no,” he breathes out, all hot against Dan’s skin. “Don’t answer it.”

Dan whines at the feeling. “I-I have to,” he says. “It could be Louise.”

Phil follows him to his back, kissing down his neck, peppering hot kisses on his skin. Dan picks up his phone and answers. “Lou, hi,” he says, his voice all breathless.

“Dan,” Louise says. Dan can tell she’s been crying and his heart drops.

“Oh my god, Lou, what’s wrong?” he asks. Phil backs up, looks up at Dan through wide eyes. Dan grabs his hand and squeezes as he awaits Louise’ response.

“No,” Louise says through tears. “No, it’s tears of happiness, swear.” She sniffles and then laughs. “I-I was walking with Emily and-and she passed a photo of you lot and she said dada.”

“Oh my God,” Dan says. He sniffles himself.

“What?” Phil asks. He looks terrified.

“Emily said her first word,” Dan tells him. Phil slaps a hand over his own mouth. “She said dada.”

They hang up, but it’s impossible to continue. Dan looks at Phil and he says, “there’s nothing more I want than to be home with my daughter. Is that bad?”

“No,” Phil says. “Because I feel the same way.”

They check out of the hotel room with red eyes and stuffy noses. They know they must look weird, but when they get home to Emily it’s all worth it.

Best Valentine’s Day ever.

APRIL 28th 2019

“Come on, Emily. Come on.”

Dan and Phil are curled into each other on the couch. They watch in amusement as Chris tries to get her to walk. She hasn’t walked yet, and they’re positive she won’t walk towards Chris during a movie.

“Chris, come on,” Dan says. “It’s a worthless cause.”

Chris rolls his eyes. “Go back to your movie,” he says. “I’m going to get her to walk. I know I am.”

They watch the movie for a little while, until they hear Chris go “oh, oh! Look!”

They turn in tandem and watch as Emily takes a few steps towards Chris. She falls into his arms giggling.

Phil gets off the couch immediately and pulls his daughter into a hug. “Good job, Emily!” he says. He presses kisses to the side of her head.

Chris smirks up at Dan. “I’ve got the magic touch, Dan,” he says.

Dan smacks him upside the head with a pillow.

MAY 15th 2018

Their flat is a mess.

There’s confetti, wrappers, streamers, cups, plates everywhere. Dan’s been tasked with cleaning it up while Phil puts Emily to sleep. Once she’s down, he goes back to join Dan.

“I’m never throwing another birthday party for Emily ever again,” Dan says. He’s holding a discarded cupcake in one hand and looks disgusted. “I swear to god.”

Later, Phil finds him cuddling Emily on the couch, a book in between them as Dan reads to their daughter.

He knows Dan’s a liar.

Fin.

AUTHOR’S NOTE

madi is the second place winner of the fanfic giveaway that i literally had in june. i have no excuse other than my mental breakdown - please forgive me and take this fic instead.

madi is super sweet and nice; her blog is gorgeous and everything she reblogs is a+, i would totally recommend hitting her up with a little follow. 

i asked madi what songs she wanted and she gave me some which i made this playlist based off of! this playlist got me through writing this fic so i would recommend listening and immersing yourself. except it’s been so long that it has her old url oops

if you enjoyed this, please please consider liking or reblogging it. the notes really do help spread the word about my blog and it’s because of you guys that i was able to get out of my weird mental funk and write again.

thank you.

- hunter <3

They’ve been friends since primary school - so basically as long as Phil can remember. Dan is smart and talented and hilarious, always there to help Phil with his calculus homework (despite being younger than him), sing High School Musical with him (despite the fact that Phil can’t sing) and be player two in Crash Bandicoot. Basically, Dan is the best friend ever.

Except for one thing. Dan’s dog Colin.

Ever since Dan’s family had brought home Colin - Dan had showed Phil over Skype - the dog has had it out for him. Among various transgressions, the dog has literally eaten Phil’s homework (imagine explaining that to your teacher), pissed on his drama script (again, a fun explanation), and has eaten half of Phil’s very expensive sandwich.

And then there’s the fact that Phil cannot get within five feet of the thing without having a sneezing fit. On top of everything Colin has done to him, Phil’s allergic. Which is a blast.

He often has to take Benadryl just to be in Dan’s house. Which is why he’s in Tesco’s after school when he should be at home or at Dan’s - pretending to do his homework while he plays video games instead.

His phone chimes in his back pocket with a text, but he ignores it as he looks over the labels. He’s considering getting extra strength Benadryl in case Colin attacks him when his phone chimes again. And again. And then it rings.

He answers without looking. “Holy shit, what do you want?”

“Phil?” It’s Dan’s voice, but softer, shakier sounding. Phil’s been friends with Dan for long enough to know what he sounds like on the verge of tears, and his heart instantly breaks into a million different pieces.

“Dan,” he says softly. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. What’s wrong?”

“It’s-” Dan gives a little sob and Phil picks up the Benadryl, walks onto the queue where he’s behind an elderly woman with two full baskets, good lord. “It’s Chris.”

Chris, as in Dan’s boyfriend. Phil knew Chris was no good for him, but he had never interfered before because Dan seemed so happy. Now, he feels miserable. “Oh god,” Phil says. He looks at the old lady in front of him, who seems to be moving so slowly that Phil wonders if he entered the fucking Matrix, and then back down at the box of Benadryl.

He sighs. “I’m coming to you, okay? Stay there.” He hangs up the phone and puts the box down, then books it out of Tesco’s as fast as he can without looking suspicious.

He drives to Dan’s house perhaps a little faster than legal. Luckily, he doesn’t get pulled over before he pulls up to Dan’s house. He gets out of his car and barely even knocks at the front door before Dan answers - drowning in a hoodie, his face red with tears.

Phil pulls him into a hug. “Hey,” he says into Dan’s hair. “Let’s get you inside.”

They somehow manage to stumble inside and Phil closes the door behind them. Dan leads Phil wordlessly to the kitchen and doesn’t sit in a chair - instead slides to the floor with his head in his hands. Phil doesn’t even think about the possibility of Colin coming to attack him, he just sits next to Dan and wraps an arm around him.

“What happened?” Phil asks after a long silence.

Dan sniffles. “H-he said that he could do better than me.” His voice barely shakes on the words but he sounds so defeated - almost like he believes the asshole. Phil has never wanted to go to someone’s house and punch them in the face more. “I’ll never be good enough for anyone.”

That’s enough to get Phil out of his head. “Hey, that’s not true,” he says softly. He wipes the tears from Dan’s eyes with the back of his thumb. “You’re amazing, Dan. Any guy that can’t see that is an asshole.”

In a moment akin to a romcom, Dan looks up at Phil through his tears. Phil pushes a piece of Dan’s hair back so he can look Dan in the eyes. The two of them stare at each other for a second and Phil can’t believe he’s never noticed how beautiful Dan’s eyes are. He gets a hand under Dan’s chin and the two of them lean in.

At that exact moment, Colin decides to jump on Dan and knock him away from Phil. Dan laughs and Phil would be mad at Colin if Dan’s laugh hadn’t made him so happy.

Phil stands up quickly and clears his throat. Dan looks up at him from where he’s sitting on the floor playing with Colin. “I-” Phil clears his throat, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. “I’m going to get Starbucks. Do you want anything?”

“Yeah,” Dan says. “You know what I like.” That sentence leaves a stunning realization in Phil’s chest. How could he have never noticed just how perfect they were for each other before?

“Of course,” he says instead, and quickly makes his way out of Dan’s house.

Dan and Phil have been best friends for as long as Phil can remember. Phil can’t remember ever having romantic feelings for his best friend. Sure, they have a much more physical relationship than male friends usually do, but he had always chalked that up to the two of them being more fluid in their sexuality than typical friends.

Still, all the hugs and cheek kisses, cuddling and late night movie sessions, Phil can’t help but think those would be so much better if he could lean over and pull Dan into a kiss.

Phil comes back with the two cups of coffee and a firm resolution to tell Dan how he feels. However, that plan goes out the window as soon as he walks in. Dan is asleep on the couch, cuddling with Colin. It’s cute, sure, but Phil can’t help but sigh a little in disappointment.

He swears, Colin gives him a smug look.

It seems after that, Colin is out to sabotage his relationship with Dan before it even begins.

Phil stops by a florist after school to buy flowers for Dan. He’s personally never understood the appeal, but they make Dan smile and that’s what he’s going for. He knows that Dan’s commute home is a little longer than his as Dan takes the bus, so Phil sits in Dan’s living room with the flowers and waits.

Unfortunately, he forgets that he’s put the flowers down, and it isn’t until Colin returns with a rose stem that Phil realizes that the flowers have been torn apart.

The next time Phil tries to impress Dan, he writes him a poem in drama. To be fair, he’s not the world’s best writer, but it’s from his heart and Phil hopes that’s all that matters. He’s been sitting in Dan’s room for a while, the both of them listening to music and working separately on different homework assignments, when Phil remembers the poem.

“I’ll be right back, I wanna show you something,” he says, and if Dan notices the way his heart is beating out of his skin, he doesn’t say anything. Phil walks to the corridor where he left his bookbag leaning against Colin. He goes to pick it up and Colin latches onto the handle. When Phil tries to grab it from him, all the papers spill.

Colin then proceeds to stand over the pile and piss.

“Hey, what’s taking so-” Dan stops from where he’s moved to the doorway and gasps. “Oh, bad doggie!” He says. He shoos Colin away and grabs some paper towels. He’s cleaning the mess when he looks up at Phil and says, “I’m so sorry. I hope there was nothing important.”

Phil breaks out of his stunned silence and leans down to help Dan pick up the piss-soaked papers. Gross. “It’s fine,” he lies.

When the mess is done and they both wash their hands, Dan turns to Phil. “So,” he says. “What did you wanna show me?”

Phil sighs. “It’s nothing,” he answers.

At that point, Phil decides to throw all of his plans out the window. They’re stupid anyway. He decides he’s just going to be direct - wait until a moment when Dan’s eye catches his and they’re staring at each other and Phil can get a hand on Dan’s cheek and pull him into a beautiful first kiss.

Dan will fall for him for sure.

The first perfect moment, they’re watching a movie. Phil makes a joke and Dan laughs. He turns to Phil, and his eyes are shining in the gentle moonlight streaming through the window. Phil actually feels his heart catch in his throat and he swears Dan moves in closer. He brings a shaking hand to move Dan’s hair out of his face and gets a hand under his chin. His heart is pounding hard as he moves in and-

Colin jumps in between them. Dan lets out an awkward little laugh and pets Colin’s head. He throws Phil an apologetic look and turns back to the movie as if nothing ever happened.

Phil’s not sure if Dan’s completely clueless or just fucking with him at this point, honestly.

The next perfect moment, they’re eating dinner on the floor like responsible, mature people with a table. Dan tells Phil he’s got an eyelash on his cheek and Phil asks him to get it. With the gentle back of his thumb, Dan gets the eyelash from Phil’s cheek and offers the thumb to Phil. “Blow it away, make a wish,” Dan says under his breath.

Phil takes Dan’s outstretched hand and moves in closer, closes his eyes and wishes for at least a shot with Dan. He blows it away and opens his eyes again, and finds Dan’s eyes transfixed on his lips. He decides that’s as sure of a sign as any from the gods that he should go for it. He moves in close, almost connects their lips.

And Colin jumps on Dan, knocks him out of the way like a sports play. And that’s the exact moment when Phil decides he’s done fucking around with Colin.

Phil waits a few days before he goes over Dan’s again. He takes a deep breath before he walks in - he doesn’t need to knock - and makes a beeline for Dan.

“Dan,” he starts. His best friend looks up, vaguely startled by Phil’s resolute expression. He’s got books spread out in front of him - clearly working on some sort of project for school. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay,” Dan says slowly. He takes his earbud out of his ear and places it on the table. “I’m all yours.”

Phil takes a deep breath. “I-” Then he spots Colin sitting around the corner, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. He looks between Dan and the dog and says, “excuse me.”

With sheer willpower, he manages to get Colin into Dan’s room and he locks the door. Pleased with himself, he returns to the kitchen and sits across from Dan. “Dan, I-”

They’re both startled by the sound of Colin barking. Dan laughs a little bit and stands. “I should let him out,” he reasons.

Phil almost watches him go, really, he does. But then he decides ‘fuck it’, because it’s now or never, and he drags Dan into his lap and kisses him.

Dan doesn’t respond for a second, which scares Phil, but then he’s kissing back with the force of a man who’s been denied something for way too long. He gets a hand into Phil’s hair and sinks into Phil’s lap. Phil wraps an arm around Dan’s waist and pulls him in closer. Dan makes a little noise in the back of his throat that Phil wants a fucking audio recording of - honestly.

Phil picks Dan up - quite a feat considering they’re the same height - and stands. He gets a hand under Dan’s ass to support him but doesn’t break the kiss. Dan’s arms move to around Phil’s neck so at least it’s easier to stay still as they kiss. Phil walks them to Dan’s bedroom slowly and kicks the door open with his foot.

Of course, Colin attacks almost as soon as the door is open. He jumps on them, and Phil is so startled that he falls backwards with Dan on top of him. Dan rolls off in shock, and Colin immediately takes his place, licking Phil’s face and clawing at his chest.

Dan starts laughing - Phil supposes it is funny, in hindsight - as Phil tries to wrestle the dog off of him. “Colin-” Dan wheezes through laughter, his cheeks red and his eyes watering. “Colin, Colin, bad. Leave-” he’s laughing too hard to continue.

Phil immediately manages to get Colin off of him and sits up. And, as he watches his best friend laugh, he finds he doesn’t really care that Colin interrupted them this time.

Even as his allergies kick in.

AUTHOR’S NOTE

so maddi is the first place winner of my fanfic giveaway! it finished at the end of june and i’m just now getting around to writing this fic i know i’m a horrible human being i had school lmao

it really was so fun working with them! they’re so nice and their blog is so beautiful, i definitely recommend checking them out and giving them a little follow!

i asked them for their music taste and they said they wanted feel good pop songs, which i hope i delivered. check out the playlist, it was super fun to put together and i binged it while writing this.

if you liked this please, please consider giving it a reblog. those help the blog to grow and give me motivation to actually write instead of binging netflix lmao.

check out the rest of my writing here. 

thank you i love you

-hunt <3

Still, Dan tries his hardest to make sure Phil doesn’t find out.

So nothing really noteworthy happens for a couple of weeks. They’re at a YouTube party, and everyone has abandoned their cameras in favor of drinks from the bar. Dan lost Phil some time ago into the crowd. He’s drunk, he’s sure everyone is. He’s sitting at the bar with a drink that’s probably a bad idea in his hands when he spots Phil. He’s lost in the crowd, grinding to some kind of song with Tyler. Dan can tell his best friend’s having fun, but Tyler can get a little sexual while drunk so he figures it’s his best friend duty to save Phil.

Dan takes two drinks from the bar and makes his way through the bar. “Mind if I steal Phil from you?” he shouts to Tyler over the music.

Tyler smiles. “Go ahead!” he shouts back before disappearing into the crowd. Dan turns his attention back to Phil and holds up a drink. “Shot!” he yells over the music. Phil takes it and clinks his glass against Dan’s. The two of them tip the hard liquor down their throats. It stings, but it’s welcome.

“Are you having a nice time?” Phil shouts. He catches a hand around Dan’s waist so that they can bounce to the music together. It’s a little less than a thumping noise in their ears, but it’s good. The atmosphere is good, the party is good, Dan feels good.

Dan chuckles because he’s a little bit drunk. “Actually, yes,” he shouts back. “I’m not going antisocial, for once.”

Phil’s face is flushed red and Dan can tell that he’s more than a little drunk when he gives Dan a full smile back and yells, “actually, it’s asocial.” He pauses. “Because antisocial would be,” he hiccups. “Something different.”

“Mh,” Dan laughs. “Very smart of you, Phil Lester.”

The two of them don’t say anything for a while, just dance with each other until Louise puts a hand on Dan’s shoulder and yells to Phil, “Mind if I steal him?” Dan’s fairly certain Phil would agree to anything in this state so he just nods with a loopy smile.

Louise pulls Dan away, wraps an arm loosely over his shoulders. “So,” she says, and her smile is cocky but Dan’s a bit too drunk to figure out why yet. “Are you two dating yet?”

Dan throws her a lopsided grin. “Us two who?” he asks.

Louise tilts her head in Phil’s direction. Dan’s best friend is currently in the midst of a social circle that would give Dan anxiety but in which Phil prospers. “You and Phil,” Louise fills in.

Dan feels his heart get caught in his throat. “Me and Phil?” he stutters. Louise raises an eyebrow at him. “No, we’re just friends,” he’s quick to correct. He forces a laugh that sounds fake even to him. “God, you’re worse than even the shippers.”

Louise looks like she’s going to say something, but then there are fingers on his shoulders as Phil forces him back. “Payback!” he yells over the music as he tips a shot down Dan’s throat. Dan’s blood feels warmed as Phil mutters, “mwahahaha,” into his ear, but he’s not sure it’s the alcohol.

-

At three in the morning Dan finds himself going through notdanhowell’s ask box again. He can’t sleep, he’s too buzzed off of the alcohol, and though it’s mainly worn off by now, it’s still buzzing pleasantly through his veins. Phil had fallen asleep almost as soon as they’d gotten to their flat a little over two hours ago, so it’s just him.

His blog has a fair amount of headcanon requests. Usually, if he decides to write one, he goes right for the most platonic and domestic prompt he can find. However, he can’t help but let his eyes catch on one that stands out in his ask box.

justcallmegracie said:

Could I have a headcanon about how Dan and Phil kiss? I really like your writing! :)

The smiley face stares back at him as if it’s an enemy. Usually, he would scroll right past this prompt. Writing fanfiction about his best friend was one thing, but writing fanfiction about the two of them kissing was a line that he wasn’t sure he was willing to cross just yet. But he’s buzzed and his brain goes without his permission.

Phil has a bit of a chapstick addiction, Dan bets his lips would be so soft. He thinks Phil would probably kiss gently, probably do something sappy like grab Dan’s face or put his hands around his waist, pull him in gently. Dan thinks kissing Phil would be dizzying, probably addicting. And then he pauses because he’s considering kissing his best friend. He’s considering enjoying it.

Dan shuts his laptop so quickly that he’s almost afraid that the crash of his computer lid can be heard the next room over. His heart is pounding in his chest, he can feel his pulse in his throat. Did he actually just do that? He feels like he might pass out. What kind of person was he becoming?

One that considers kissing his best friend for Internet-based speculative fanfiction, apparently.

Dan very slowly reopens his laptop. The damned smile face is still smiling back at him, along with the stupid headcanon prompt.

He really shouldn’t.

notdanhowell said:

dan kisses hard and fast, like he’ll never get another chance to again. he pulls the other person in, wraps his arms around their neck, let their hands run down their chest and under their shirts. he’s a very sexual kisser, but like what would you expect from him, let’s be real.

phil, on the other hand, would be a very slow and soft kisser. he’s a nerd so he’d probably want to let it grow organically, want it to be romantic. when dan gets him going, though, he’s all whimpers and needy kissers and soft mutters of “more.” kissing phil is dizzying, intoxicating, it’s-

Something Dan wants to do at that moment. He gasps at the realization, quickly backspaces and then presses post. He worries his lip between his teeth and when he realizes he’s imagining it’s Phil he reckons he’s more than a little drunk.

He closes his laptop and when he lays down, he almost immediately falls asleep.

-

They’re kissing.

Dan’s not entirely sure how they got here, but Phil’s got Dan’s shirt balled up in his fist and he’s got his other around Dan’s neck. Dan’s got both hands on Phil’s hips, has pulled his flatmate in as close as they can get. It’s good and addictive and Dan doesn’t think he’s ever been more addicted to anything ever.

Dan pulls away from the kiss when he realizes he absolutely cannot breathe, and then Phil’s lips are attached to his neck. Dan feels dizzy. Everything feels so intense. He presses his fingers a little harder into Phil’s hips like he can’t possibly believe that he’s real, that he’s here.

And then Phil speaks. “Is that good, baby boy?” he says, and, god, the intonation of his voice and it’s so deep and it goes right to places that Dan needs to focus on grandma not to think about. “Wouldn’t it feel better if you were awake?”

Dan pauses. “Huh?” he asks, because that’s the most logical thing he can think of.

Phil gives him a dangerous smirk. “Wake up, Dan.”

“Dan!”

Dan jolts awake, sits up with a sharp gasp. Phil’s standing next to him, for some reason fully dressed and looking rather exasperated. “Oh my god, you are such a heavy sleeper.” He grabs Dan’s sheets from under him. “You slept through your alarm, we’re late for a meeting.”

“Shit!” Dan swears. And then, for good measure, “shit, shit shit.”

He doesn’t have time to dwell on his dream as he gets dressed more quickly than he’s sure is humanly possible. Dan’s ready to go within two minutes flat and they’re out of the door and into a taxi in five.

Once they’re in the taxi, Phil looks over at Dan. “Oh my god,” he says. “That was more stressful than trying to get you to the airport, bloody hell.”

Phil takes a deep breath and Dan’s fairly sure his best friend’s going to have an aneurysm. Dan scoffs. “Please, I knew what I was doing.” He grabs his phone from his back pocket and refreshes his Twitter notifications. He doesn’t see the name of the first person, but he can see they’ve linked him to a fanfiction they’ve written. The comment under, though, is what catches his eye.

Arijana @yellowtrash_

lmao don’t link dan to fanfics that’s highkey inappropriate

Dan snorts a laugh at that one. Jesus, if only Arijana knew what kind of hole he’s dug himself into. Phil gives him a weird look, but Dan thinks he’s still probably too stressed to ask Dan about it.

They get to their meeting and thankfully no one’s that pissed off at them. Phil’s brother gives them a kind of pissed off look and Dan’s pretty sure that they’ll be getting a firm talking to from Martyn about being timely for things, but he’s not all that serious, anyway. It’s one of the reason they had hired him in the first place.

Phil empties out his nerdy backpack and hands Dan a notepad and a pen. The meeting isn’t anything too important, just technical stuff. When they had first hired people to build their brand, they had made it very clear that they wanted to come to every meeting, even if they weren’t expressly needed. This is one of those times.

Dan starts doodling on his paper, half involved in talks about financial spending and audience interaction and the monetization of their videos. The other half of his brain trails off into thoughts, falls back into his dream.

That hadn’t been the first time he’d had a sex dream, of course, he too had once been a teenage boy. However, it was the first time he’d had any type of dream about Phil that was anything other than strictly platonic. And, he kind of hated himself for it, but it was kind of nice? He could imagine kissing Phil, actively wanted to feel his best friend’s lips on his own.

“Dan,” Phil says, breaks Dan out of his thoughts. Dan looks around the meeting and realizes that everyone’s staring at him and, oops, that’s vaguely embarrassing. “Marisa wanted to know how you felt about that?”

“Erm,” Dan glances between the people in the meeting, who look more perplexed than anything, and Phil, who looks a mixture of genuinely concerned and annoyed. “I think that’s good, yeah.”

Dan takes a sigh of relief as everyone goes back to discussing whatever they had been talking about previous. He manages a sneaky glance at Phil and the realization hits him like a ton of bricks.

He has a crush on his best friend.

-

They’re on the tube later when Phil looks over at Dan. “Right,” he says, and his voice is low enough that no one else can hear it, but loud enough to be audible over the sounds of the city. “What’s been up with you, lately?”

Dan knows exactly what he means, but somehow he feels like playing stupid will be beneficial so he asks, “what do you mean?”

“You know what I mean,” Phil replies. Damn their best friend psychic link. He sighs, and his voice drops as he leans in closer to Dan. “It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it,” he starts, and then he glances around. Dan guesses he’s probably watching for fangirls that tend to get pictures when they stand too close together, “that’s fine. But you don’t have to get lost in your head. And-” he pauses, probably is looking for the right way to word this, “-and I don’t want you to do anything that will hurt yourself. You’re my best friend, Dan.”

Dan’s lips twitch in a soft smile and he nods. “I know,” he says. “It’s nothing bad, it’s,” and for a half-second, he considers telling Phil. He tells his best friend everything, after all. But then he doesn’t. “I’ll tell you one day, okay?”

Phil sighs. “Alright,” he says. He stands back up and digs in his pocket for his phone.

They don’t talk the rest of the way home.

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

sup mates.

i had the busiest week ever and fell super behind on my nano project but i’m back and it’s spring break and i intend to bang out a few thousand words to finally fucking catch up.

this chapter features @justcallmegracie and a twitter user called Arijana! thank you for your sacrifice for some dan angst.

if you’d like to be involved in notdanhowell, click here. PLS DO ESPECIALLY IF YOU WRITE SMUT AND WOULD BE WILLING TO HAVE ME QUOTE YOUR SMUT!

Reblog to spread the word about my blog, thank you!

But it’s fine if he writes about it, okay? Then it’s not a fantasy, it’s fanservice. He doesn’t have a problem. It’s fine.

Dan scrolls through a few of the prompts. There are some that make him laugh, like him and Phil using glitter lube in a public washroom, a few that scare him, like one where he’s Phil’s slave and he’s locked up and that might actually be illegal?

superpaperclip said:

hc about what d & p are like in bed? love your blog, dani!

Meg stares him down in their profile photo. Dan lets out a resound sigh.

Why not?

notdanhowell said:

dan’s probably loud. the neighbors probably bang on the walls to get him to shut up. dan’s favorite position is riding phil, where he gets to be in charge while still getting fucked, because lbr we all know that dan’s a whore for cock. he also likes when phil’s on top of him so that he can scratch up phil’s back, leave red marks that mark phil as his.

phil probably has more control than dan does in bed. he’s not loud, but he enjoys it anyway. the noises phil makes are probably deep and go right to dan’s dick. his favorite position is either reverse cowgirl, so he can watch dan’s ass as it moves because dan’s ass is noice, or missionary, because phil’s probably a romantic little shit who likes to stare into dan’s eyes.

Dan tags the ask appropriately and presses post. He can’t help but think about it, Phil hovering over him, kissing down his neck, telling him what a good boy he’s being.

Dan’s door squeaks open. Dan jumps, slams his laptop lid shut. Phil’s standing in the doorway with his duvet wrapped around his body. He stands there for a minute. “I couldn’t sleep,” he says, and his voice sounds tired. “Can I come sleep in here?”

Dan puts his laptop to the side. He doesn’t say anything, but lifts his duvet in invitation. Phil gets under, puts his own over the two of them.

“What’s up with the lack of sleep, Mr. Lester?” Dan asks. He scoots over a bit so that Phil will have room to sleep next to him.

Phil sighs. His eyes are closed, but Dan can tell he’s awake. Years of being someone’s best friend means you know these kinds of things about them. “I was worried about you,” he says.

Now it’s Dan’s turn to sigh. Despite the conversation they had on the tube, he knew Phil wasn’t going to drop it. It just wasn’t like his best friend. “I told you that you don’t have to be.”

“I know.” Phil opens his eyes and turns so that he can lean his head against his hand. He uses his free hand to grab Dan’s, laces their fingers together. “I just don’t like the idea of you being lost in your head.”

Dan pulls Phil to his chest at that. Phil tangles their legs together, and despite the fact that they’re both tall, lanky guys, it’s nice. Phil sighs a little bit and Dan can tell that he thinks so too.

They fall asleep twinned together like this, and Dan can’t help but feel a little bit bad.

-

Dan wakes up the next morning to his phone ringing. It somehow doesn’t wake Phil up, the heavy sleeper he is, but Dan groans at the loud ringing. He turns onto his side to look who it is. His mum. Great. This should be fun.

Don’t get him wrong, Dan loves his mum. It’s just that every time she calls, Dan can expect the same “got a partner, yet?” talk. Honestly, it’s kind of aggravating. It’s not as if he doesn’t want to have a partner, it’s just that getting one would require going outside and talking to people and meeting people. Dan much prefers staying inside with Phil and watching anime or the Great British Bakeoff.

Christ, he’s got it bad, hasn’t he?

Dan answers it with a soft, “yeah, hello?” so as not to wake his best friend.

“Dan!” calls his mum. Dan can’t help but smile at her voice. He truly does love her. “Did I wake you?”

Dan runs a hand through his hair. He grabs Phil’s phone so he can check the time. Half past nine. “Yeah,” he answers truthfully. “But that’s probably for the best. Millennials like me will sleep until one in the afternoon.”

Dan’s mother laughs. “Don’t I kno-”

She’s cut off by a groan from behind Dan as Phil blinks awake. “Dan?” he says, and his voice is so thick with sleep that Dan knows his mother won’t be able to miss it. “Who’s that?”

“My mum,” Dan mouths. Phil nods his understanding and motions that he’s going to the kitchen. As soon as Phil leaves, Dan’s mother is talking his ear off.  

“That was Phil, right?” she asks. “Why was he in your bedroom?”

Dan sighs. “He just fell asleep in here last night, mum.”

“Are you two dating?”

“No. We’re just friends.”

“Do you want to be more?”

Dan takes a deep breath at that. Does he want to be more than friends with Phil? Of course he does. He wants to be Phil’s boyfriend and kiss him and have lazy sex with him in candlelight. Well, that sounds a little dangerous but. You know.

But he can’t tell his mother any of this, because she wouldn’t understand what it’s like to be an angsty twenty something with an online personality where he writes fanfiction where he’s fucking his best friend. “I gotta go, mum. Phil’s made breakfast.”

Dan’s mum sighs, and he can tell this isn’t the last he’s going to hear of it. “This isn’t the last we’re going to talk about this,” she confirms. “Love you lots. Be safe.”

“I will. Love you too. Bye.”

Dan hangs up the phone and throws it onto his bed. He stretches out his back, which is knotted from sleeping with Phil on top of him all night.

Not that you’re complaining, Dan’s brain supplies unhelpfully. Dan resists the urge to slap himself.

Dan walks into the kitchen, where Phil is currently pouring a second bowl of cereal. Dan takes the first, bites into it. “Morning,” he greets his best friend.

“Morning,” Phil replies. He puts the cereal and the milk back, leaves the cabinet open. Dan pushes it closed with a fond eyeroll. As soon as he does, Phil’s looking over at him. “How gay does your mum think we are for each other?” he asks.

Dan laughs. “Pretty god damn gay,” he answers. “Just like all of our friends, basically.”

Phil scoffs. He puts his bowl down on their counter and gives Dan a look that means it’s time to be serious.

Dan sips his tea and braces himself.

“It’s stupid, isn’t it?” Phil asks. At Dan’s raised eyebrow, he elaborates. “I mean, it’s stupid that everyone thinks we’re dating. Because we’re not. Just because we’re secure in our friendship and sexuality and like to cuddle doesn’t mean we’re anything other than friends.”

Dan swallows his tea. “Right?” He says. “Like, if we wanted to date,” he swallows. “Like, we just would.”

“Right?” Phil asks.

“Right,” Dan confirms.

The two of them stand in a silence that’s vaguely awkward for a moment. Then, Phil says, “I’ve got an episode of the Great British Bakeoff on DVR.”

Dan accepts the peace offering. “Cool,” he says. “Let’s go.”

Dan ignores the texts from his mother.

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

Thank you to all the people who signed up to be a part of notdanhowell! It was actually so many people that I don’t know if I’ll manage to get everyone (I’m sorry!) but I’ll definitely give everyone a thanks in the final author’s note.

I actually really like this chapter for no reason. Hope you do too.

Please reblog to spread the word about my blog! Also, a thanks to @superpaperclip for letting me use their URL and sully their good name lmao. I hope I did you justice, Meg. 

Thanks y’all 

He stretches, and for a brief second there’s a moment of bliss where he doesn’t remember what he’s done. And then it all comes back to him as if in a flash of lightning. But he’s too sleepy and hungry to spiral. Still, he doesn’t touch his phone. He throws a glare at it as he walks out of the room for good measure.

He’s never going to fuck up like that again, that’s for sure.

Dan lets his stomach lead him to the kitchen, where his flatmate sits with a box of pizza, munching absently on a piece. Dan sits down next to him, takes one of the pieces and bites into it. Neither of them say anything, but that’s fine. Dan’s actually rather content with sitting there in silence.

Phil speaks anyway. “Do you wanna talk-”

“No,” Dan answers just a bit too loudly and quickly. Phil jumps. “Sorry, sorry,” Dan says. “It’s nothing.” Phil looks like he might protest, so Dan grabs his hand, runs his fingers over Phil’s knuckles. “I’m fine, really.”

Phil sighs. He squeezes Dan’s hand. “Okay,” he says and then he drops Dan’s hand and nods with his head towards the television. “Are you down for finishing that episode of Attack on Titan?”

Dan can tell Phil’s trying to make things normal so he offers his flatmate a thankful smile. “Sounds good.”

So they don’t talk about it. They spend the rest of the day watching anime and lounging about, Dan answers a few work emails, updates his queue, Phil chuckles at something on his dashboard and Dan looks over his shoulder to look. It’s normal. The calm before the storm, if you will.

Phil says he’s going to work on a video and he leaves Dan alone. Alone with Tumblr open and the notifications from notdanhowell staring at him threateningly.

Well. He almost has to now, doesn’t he?

His headcanon has gained more notes, but that’s not what he’s focused on. His ask box is filled with people praising his work and sending other ideas for headcanons and even full-length fics. He’s not going to fill them, of course he’s not, but one ask in particular catches his eye.

Anonymous said:

you’re such a great writer dani. are you going to write more headcanons? - abby

Dan huffs. There are plenty of amazing writers in the phandom, he’s encountered them himself late at night. Why would people care about his stupid cereal headcanon?

notdanhowell said:

no. i’m not a writer, it was a one-off thing, ta.

Dan goes back to reading through most of the headcanon requests. To be fair, most of them are domestic, platonic, nothing particularly horrifying. He starts on some of the more raunchy one, is on a particularly disturbing requests that has to do with ropes and Shrek masks when the anon sends another ask.

Anonymous said:

aw :(. It’s your decision but your hc made me smile. - abby

So that kind of hits Dan hard. He loves making people happy, that’s why he makes videos, that’s why he does everything he does with Phil. He knows people get enjoyment out of these stupid fics and headcanons, that’s why they write them in the first place. And he doesn’t have that many followers. It didn’t get that many notes. Perhaps it was just a freak thing.

What more harm could one more headcanon do?

He finally decides on a prompt from a girl called Amma which isn’t particularly scarring. Apparently she went to TATINOF as well. He almost thanks her before remembering that he’s notdanhowell for a reason.

shrekdanhowell said:

Could I have a headcanon about how D & P watch TV together? Thanks Dani, you’re the best! <3

Dan glances anxiously to either side to make sure Phil’s still filming his video. He can hear his flatmate talking to himself and sighs in relief as he starts typing.

notdanhowell said:

phil’s usually more invested in movies and new episodes of tv shows, so he tends to watch those without a laptop or phone in hand. however, if it’s the news, old episodes of buffy, the great british bakeoff or something he’s seen before, he tends to sit on twitter with his laptop. he laughs at things and occasionally shows dan.

dan, however, is quite guilty for being on his phone no matter what he’s watching. he blames the information age and millennials in general, but his attention can’t be captivated simply by a tv show or movie, even if it is new. this annoys the shit out of phil.

“Hey.”

Dan nearly jumps out of his skin.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Dan yells. He turns and sees Phil standing behind him. “Give a guy some warning next time. Jesus.”

Phil giggles. “Sorry,” he says, but Dan can tell he’s not really sorry. He leans his elbows on Dan’s shoulders. “Watcha looking at?”

Dan presses post as fast as lightning and is somehow on the Google homepage by the time Phil looks. “Erm,” he says, because he realizes just a second too late that it might seem really fucking weird that he’s on the Google homepage. “Just googling,” he says, and gives a little unconvincing look.

Phil buys into it, though. “Cool!” He says, then asks, “watcha googling?”

Dan says the first thing that pops into his head, which is, for some reason, “how do mermaids reproduce?” When Phil raises an eyebrow in question, Dan rushes to explain. “Just like,” he starts unhelpfully. “Like, they’re top half human and bottom half fish, you know? So I’m thinking they can’t just,” he trails off.

Phil chuckles. “You’re a weird guy, Dan Howell,” he says. “Why am I even friends with you?”

Dan sighs with relief. “You’re also a weird guy, Phil.” Phil just smiles, but doesn’t say anything in reply so Dan figures he’s kind of in the clear. “Anyway, did you need me? Because I thought you were supposed to be filming a video, not scaring the shit out of your best friend when he’s trying to research the validity of mermaid birthings.”

“I did, actually,” Phil answers. “I wanted to know if I could use one of your jackets? I need to play a soulless character and-”

Dan laughs, “Say no more,” he answers. “Mi closet es tu closet.” He leans back against his hands. “You should wear black more often. It looks good on you.” Jesus Christ, he’s becoming as bad as the shippers.

Phil, thankfully, doesn’t catch onto it. “Unlike you, I have a soul, Daniel James Howell.” With that, he walks off to Dan’s room with a quick, “thanks!” thrown over his shoulder. Dan waits until he hears Phil leave his room and walk into his room with the door shut behind him and he turns back to his laptop.

He can’t afford to have close calls like that.

-

Phil’s video ends and Dan nods approvingly. “It’s very good,” he says. “I don’t think I have any constructive criticism in me for amazingphil videos, though, as a recovering fangirl myself,” he jokes. He knows why Phil does it, though. They’re always the first to watch each other’s videos. It’s become habit.

“I should send you to fangirl anonymous,” Phil jokes with his tongue in between his teeth. He presses post on his video and watches the horrendous upload time. He leans back in his chair and turns to Dan. “All done. Another successful amazingphil video.”

Dan chuckles, “yeah, don’t rub it in,” he replies. “I think the next time a danisnotonfire video is posted it’ll have to be called My Awkward Experience When Hell Froze Over.”

“Catchy,” Phil replies. Then, as if he’s just remembered, “oh, I should turn off Twitter notifications.” He reaches for his phone and logs into the Twitter app.

Dan huffs. He’s already on Twitter, scrolling through his replies. He knows there will be a shit-ton when Phil uploads, but that’s why he keeps his turned off. “I don’t see why you have them on in the first place,” he muses. “You know they’re gonna blow up your replies.”

“I like to see what they’re saying about me,” Phil says. “You should know, Mr. Daniel ‘googles himself for approval’ Howell.” Phil’s remark has no bite to it, though, and Dan knows he doesn’t mean it.

“Rude as fuck,” Dan replies under his breath as he continues to scroll through Twitter. ‘Dan and Phil’s secrets leaked! Click here to view now!’ says a sketchy account with a photo of Phil as the avi. Dan scoffs. Yeah right.c

“Anyway,” Phil muses. Dan looks up from Twitter to look at his best friend. “You’re not much better with your Tumblr notifications.”

Dan feels his blood run cold, but he tries not to let it show on his face. “What do you mean?” he asks instead.

Phil laughs. “Don’t play coy,” he answers. He leans back in his chair so that he can smile up at Dan. “I saw them just yesterday, running across your phone. There must’ve been, like, at least thirty.”

But the thing is, Dan had turned notifications off on Tumblr. For danisnotonfire he had, at least. They had gotten too annoying, it was the same reason he had turned them off on Twitter. But he had never remembered to turn them off for notdanhowell. Meaning Phil had seen those notifications.

Phil must sense that Dan’s spiraling against because he laughs and says, “relax. I didn’t read any of them.” He turns back to his Twitter notifications. “Don’t reckon I would want to know what kind of weird things you get up to on Tumblr, anyway.” Phil looks up from hs phone and gives Dan Concerned Flatmate Look 7™. “Or do I?”

Dan tries to laugh it off. “Just the odd meme or miscellaneous bruise, Phil. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

Phil nods. “Right,” he says, and Dan can tell he doesn’t buy it but Phil’s kind of a great flatmate like that and knows when to pick his battles. “Anyway, do you think I should move this clip here?”

-

Dan’s fingers drum against the keyboard of his laptop. It’s late but he can’t sleep, a strange mixture of guilt and curiosity thumping through his veins. He’s on another phanfiction writer’s blog, this time it’s someone named Seb, apparently, who has a photo of Dan smiling as their sidebar photo.

Dan’s fingers drum against the keyboard where he’s pulled up Seb’s ask box. He’s on anon, of course, and he’s written out a message. Fully awake, this would probably be a terrible idea. But he’s half asleep and has a strange mixture of guilt and curiosity so he presses send anyway.

Anonymous said:

what if dan fucked up really bad? what do you think phil would do?

Dan goes back to his dashboard, queues some things for danisnotonfire as he waits for Seb to respond. He refuses to spend the whole time obsessively pressing refresh, but he’s honestly kind of tempted.

Seb, however, responds quickly enough.

theaterkidlester said:

Hey!

Hm, interesting question! I think it would depend on what Dan did, tbh! (And I don’t speculate about rl Dan and Phil anyway, lmao.)

I guess we’ll never know rip

Dan scoffs. The one time a fan speculating about his personal, private life could have actually been helpful. He goes back to Seb’s ask, types out another response.

Anonymous said:

yeah but, like, what do you think would happen? isn’t that the point of fanfiction, anyway? Speculating?

Seb responds more quickly this time. Dan figures he’s probably on Tumblr now as well.

theaterkidlester said:

First off, the point of fanfiction is to have fun and share your writing with other people with similar interests and experiences, not to force your views onto two men who probably don’t even know you exist, lmao.

Anyway, I don’t think there’s much Dan could do that Phil would consider too fucked up.

Dan reads the response and finds himself kind of pissed off. Who is this person? The reason fanfiction was so fucked up in the first place was that it made assumptions about his and Phil’s lives, about their sexuality. Who were they to consider themselves, what had they written in the tags, a respectful shipper? Wasn’t that a bit of a misnomer?

well, he begins typing, what if dan did something really, really fucked up that he knew that dan knew phil would hate him for? and phil didn’t know about it but if he did he would think dan was a freak? and what if it was really fucking dan up because phil’s the person he trusts with everything and-

Dan realizes he’s stopped typing because he’s shaking and his eyes are blurring over with tears. God, he thinks, he’s so pathetic, crying over a stupid headcanon to a stupid fanfiction blog with a stupid sixteen year old that he was just trying to help out when he made notdanhowell.

Dan slams his macbook shut and brings the heels of his hands to his eyes. He tries to wipe some of the tears away, tries to convince himself that it’s stupid to cry, but that just makes him cry harder until he’s leaning his head against his knees and he’s hysterical. He’s hysterically crying over a headcanon. Gosh, it really must be late.

Dead tired, Dan gets under hs duvet, rubs his nose with the back of his hand, curls up into a pillow and cries himself to sleep.

God. How incredibly stupid.

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

Sup kiddos guess who’s wildly behind on his nano project if you’ve guessed me you would be correcto.

This chapter features a follower named Abby, the awesome @shrekdanhowell and myself, because I didn’t want Dan to fight with any of you.

if you would like to be written into a chapter pls apply here thanks.

boop boop love you have an awesome day drink water