Hi, I am confused and I feel that you might have some helpful insight. The idea of submitting holds appeal to me, but there are things that have made me question whether I am submissive or not. Plenty of posts describe subs as having no responsibilities, with doms taking care of plans, finances etc. and I don't want that? I like the idea of structure, guidance and pleasing my partner but I love making plans, managing my money and just making decisions. Am I really submissive?
Only you can decide if you’re submissive or not. You like structure, guidance, and pleasing your partner? Sounds pretty submissive to me! Though I will say it’s rarely as black and white as you’re proposing. If being submissive hinged on whether or not one manages their own finances or chooses that night’s restaurant, the entire system would implode. There are submissives who manage millions of dollars, and submissives who plan everything in their and their partner’s lives. There are commonalities, yes, but there are no rules. Above all else, it comes down to what you and your partner agree on. How much (or little) control you relinquish should be an ongoing, fluid conversation contingent on familiarity, security, and trust. Is it smart to turn your life over to someone you’ve just met? Allll the no. But doling out pieces of yourself to someone who demonstrates integrity and caring over time and in a variety of contexts (e.g., not just sexual)? That’s the good stuff right there.
