Things my tortoise does when he’s drunk on sunshine (:
So I have a pet tortoise whose name is tort and when it’s really bright and sunny he acts as if he’s high as a kite and completely hammered. This is a list of some of the things he does:
Tries to fly by jumping off our garden steps. He almost always ends up on his back.
Goes under the shed and gets completely and utterly wedged beneath it and frightens the hedgehogs that also live under our shed.
Eats our toes
Seriously, he eats toes. He chases you like some sort of prehistoric dinosaur who eats human flesh and he bites.
Runs around in circles. Tortoises are surprisingly fast (and viscous)
Scares my dog, who has been known to refuse to go out in the garden if Tort is loose.
Anyone who says tortoises are slow and subdued has never met an actual tortoise. They are bloody dinosaurs and will savagely eat your feet (you have been warned).
