#drunk chat

3:07 AM

Yangyang: hyung

You stare at the screen longer than you should. You already know.

You: Have you been drinking?

Yangyang: just a little.

Yangyang: don’t worry

You sigh, rubbing your face. You hate how easy it is to tell. The slower replies. The honesty that only comes out like this.

Yangyang: do u remember that song we listened to that lim changjung one

You: I do.

Yangyang: it’s playing right now

Of course it is.

Your chest tightens.

Yangyang: it says you drink so you can forget

Yangyang: but all it does

Yangyang: is make you miss them more

You: Yang… why are you telling me this.

You swallow. Part of you wants to hold onto every word. The other part knows better.

Yangyang: bc i miss u

Yangyang: and i didn’t wanna lie tonight

You: You’re drunk.

That’s the problem.

Yangyang: yeah

Yangyang: but i mean it

There’s a pause. Longer than before.

You: I know you do.

You: I just…

You: I wish you were sober when you say things like that.

Yangyang: oh

Yangyang: Does it counts then?

You close your eyes.

Yangyang: i don’t want to make things hard for u

You: It counts.

You: Too much.

You: That’s why it’s hard.

Another pause. You imagine him staring at the floor, phone loose in his hand, while the song is still playing at the background.

You: Then don’t disappear behind alcohol and songs, Yang.

You: If you miss me…

You: I want to hear it when you’re steady.

Yangyang: okay

Yangyang: goodnight hyung

Yangyang: i’ll try

Yangyang: for real

You: Goodnight. Drink water.

9:47 AM — the next morning

Yangyang: lol sorry hyung it was actually my cat missing you

You almost laugh. Almost.

You: Your cat listens to sad drinking songs now?

Yangyang: he had a rough night

You hesitate, then type.

You: Tell your cat…

You: that I miss him too.

You: But next time, I want to hear it from you.

You: Sober.

Three dots. Stop.

Then:

Yangyang: …okay

Yangyang: i promise

Yangyang: next time

Yangyang: no soju

Yangyang: no excuses

hey, let’s have a drink and watch a movie even without my glasses or witness the lovely glimmer in your glances but fine, it’s nothing, it’s whatevr

hey, let’s have a drink and talk about the things that we miss like Thhe . province, childhood, msybe our last kiss but fine, it’s nothimg, it’s whatever

hey let’s have a drink and do stupid things like holdi ghands in the dark or how you pretnded you have never feltthe spark but Fine, it’s nothing, it’s whatebber

hey, let’s have a drink and lemme tell yuo hiw ku ch i miss yuu constantly wodnering if ur ok, areyo u freling blue. ? bjt fine,its nothknf its whatevber

Wair onf sorey weing sendn!!! W

Wrong send!!’n