#drunk bill cipher

Bill. Of course the dream demon would interrupt a perfectly good night’s sleep.

“Whadya want, Bill?” Dipper asked sleepily.

“P-Pine Treeeee!" Bill whined again. "I mis- I missed youuuu!"

Wait, why was Bill stumbling over his words? Fuck. Dipper shot up out of bed. "You got into the Mabel Juice again, didn't you?" The teenager accused.

"So- so wh- so what if I did?" The idiotic triangle replied, not even trying to deny it.

Dipper slapped his hand to his face in frustration. Fuck. This idiotic, chaos-loving triangle was drunk. Again.

"How many glasses did you have?" Asked Dipper, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Uh…" replied Bill, rubbing under his eye contemplatively. "L-less than Sh-Shooting Star."

Less than- what the-?

"Mabel challenged you to a drinking contest?" Dipper asked incredulously. And then left her brother to clean up the mess. Dipper was going to kill her.

"Y-yeah, she can really put it away!” Bill commented unhelpfully. He floated over to Dipper’s bed. “M-move over,” the demon demanded. “I-I wanna snuggle!”

Bill Cipher wanted to snuggle?? Fuck, Mabel Juice really messed this guy up. Well, at least Dipper would get some more sleep.

“Fine,” he said, scooting over in bed. “Just, try not to snore.”

“OK!” Bill replied happily. The triangle literally glowed with happiness.

Bill floated next to Dipper and wrapped the teen’s arms around him. Ouch!

“Bill, you’re pointy in this form,” Dipper complained. “Are you coherent enough to change into your human form?”

“I-I have in-inf-infinite power Pine Tree!” Bill replied. “O-of course, I can change into a m-m-meatsack!”

Bill snapped his fingers, and what he changed into was definitely not human.

It was some sort of triangular-shaped human thing, with one lazy eye, and one large yellow eye with a cat-shaped pupil. It was hideous.

Dipper couldn’t help it: he screamed, a high-pitched noise. “Change back! Change back!” He pleaded Bill, who had fallen to the floor with Dipper’s flailings.

“C-cool your jets, Pine Tree,” the thing slurred. He slowly snapped his fingers a couple of times, then finally was his normal triangular self again.

“What the hell was that?” Dipper asked, heart pounding in his chest.

“‘S my human form in some dimension. You-you didn’t say which human form I should take.” Bill responded unashamedly.

“Do the human form I’m used to, please,” Dipper begged. God, he was so tired.

“F-fine,” Bill responded petulantly. After a few fumbling snaps, he turned into the human form Dipper was used to: tall and lanky, with short blond hair and a black undercut. Yeah, this form was much more aesthetically pleasing.

Bill climbed back into the bed, pulling Dipper’s arms around him once again. Finally, he could get back to sleep.

WHAM! For the second time that night, Dipper’s door was busted open. This time by Grunkle Ford.

“Dipper!” the man cried. “I heard screaming and came as quickly as I could! Is everything all ri- oh, hi Bill.” Grunkle Ford’s voice went from rushed and concerned to flat and annoyed as soon as he saw the demon.

“H-hiya Fordsy!” Bill greeted his great uncle. “We-we’re snuggling!” God, was he going to announce it to the whole shack? Dipper wondered.

“Snuggling?” Grunkle Ford asked, one eyebrow raised. “You?”

“Yeah!” Bill replied enthusiastically. “W-wanna join us?” He asked, pushing Dipper further back on the bed.

“NO!” Both Dipper and Grunkle Ford cried at the same time, horror in their voices.

“Mm, more Pine Tree for me!” Bill replied, snuggling deeper into Dipper’s arms.

The asshole fell asleep right there.

“He’s drunk,” Dipper whispered to his grunkle. “He should be back to normal in the morning.”

“O-ok,” Grunkle Ford replied, dumbfounded. “I’ll just-I’ll let you snuggle, then.”

Dipper’s face flamed red. “Yeah, thanks,” he grumbled as Grunkle Ford quietly shut the door.

Now, Dipper could finally get some sleep. Bill heaved a sigh in his sleep as he rolled over to face Dipper.

Dipper looked fondly at the cute human face of the strange demon he was dating. He smiled to himself as he kissed Bill on his forehead.