Just started working a normal job after working 6 years at a weird job that was great in many ways and terrible in others, and I keep having to repress the urge to be like the girl in The Magic School Bus who always said “at my old school, we never...”
I wanna be like “At my old job, I wasn’t in charge of the phones, so I was allowed to simply hiss at them when they rang too often.Â
At my old job, the cash register wasn’t connected to the internet at all and I was never trained for data entry, so if nobody else was available I would have to price orders out myself longhand, and if I grabbed the wrong amount of change it was cool because the register was opened by pressing a random arrangement of buttons in the proper direction.Â
At my old job, I sometimes was the only person to show up, but didn’t have a key, so I simply broke in through the bathroom window.Â
At my old job, the people with keys and data entry training had to talk to the boss every day for hours about meaningless nitpickery, so I never wanted that shit.
At my old job, an ESL customer once asked me to cleanse what appeared to be a squirrel-fur cock ring, and I had to figure out how to explain that we didn’t do that service in Spanish on the fly.Â
At my old job, a whole bunch of other shit happened that I don’t think I can legally tell you about due to an NDA.
At my old job, I was allowed to arrive up to half an hour late without question, and could take my lunch as early or late as I felt convenient.”