#drottni

1. The way he can't even LOOK at her as he tells her "I knew this was a dream from the beginning " 😭😭😭😭

2. XLH's master reeling in her two boyfriends with bait. Like "come here you poor miserable little fishies. I got some juicy worms for you."

3. idc how epic of an intro you get Lady Arbiter and her little pet dragon, YOU DONT JUST HIT MY BOY DFQC LIKE THAT. NO. *angry glares* Also my poor baby just closing his eyes and bracing for it like "ah shit here we go again". Him thinking he just deserves it 😭🥺 Can he just have a break plz.

4. "So she has been saving me since we first met. And I have been hurting her." 🥺🥺🥺

5. Changheng: The splitting process is very painful. No matter what you must persevere.

DFQC who has been through every torture life could throw at him: -_- Bro. I got this.

6. DFQC as soon as Changheng leaves: *cue music* I am in my plant parent, cottage core, countryside girlie era. I am gonna be so full of love you will have to come back to me.

7. If he doesn't plant you like a seed, carry you around in a pot like a baby, water you with freshly collected dew with gentle drops, take you for morning sunrise walks, talk to you continuously, and watch over you even while sleeping, he ain't it. WHY WAS THIS SO ROMANTIC. SHE IS LITERALLY IN A POT OF DIRT AND I AM GUSHING OVER THE ROMANCE. No one is doing it like them.

8. XLH having to create straight up physical barriers between her and DFQC so that he can't come close enough to see that emotionally she's barely holding on. How his pleading eyes and sweet apologies are two seconds away from making her cry. She can barely even muster anger towards him.

9. The bridge scene: *exists*

Me:

10. I knowwww its stupid and breaks her entire plan of keeping him in the dark and is a totally senseless move on her part BUT I LOVE THAT SHE CANT RESIST AT THE END. THAT LITTLE GESTURE SHE DOES TO MAKE HIM SMILE. THE WAY SHE CANNOT PHYSICALLY STOP HERSELF FROM SAYING "PLEASE SMILE PLEASE BE OKAY I AM DOING THIS FOR YOU I NEED YOU TO BE OKAY"

11. DFQC: For her, I will alter fate.

Me:

12. THAT KISS. SPOKE A BOOKS WORTH OF WORDS. THE WAY IT CONVEYED ALL OF THEIR PENT UP EMOTIONS AND APOLOGIES AND I LOVE YOUS AND GOODBYES! I WILL DIE FROM JUST THE POWER OF THAT KISS ALONE. HOW IN THE HECK!

13. DFQC: There is nothing in this world that can shake me.

Taisui: *grasping at straws, panicking* What if the love of your life forgot about you? What then?

DFQC:

June/July 2024:

A girl in her natural habitat - The Hospital. ✨️

I am so grateful for this life. I still remember the moment I sat in a hospital chair as a patient and said to my sister, "I can't wait until I am working in these halls." And while I am not quite there yet, I am working in these halls. And oh how proud I am of myself for making it this far.

And oh, how hopeful I am that I will make it to the end as well. I will. Allah willing.

You are so close dear self. You are inspiring everyone you walk by, especially that happy glowing reflection of yourself. She loves you in your scrubs and "busy girl in ER" aura.

To do tomorrow:

Clean room and desk

Laundry

Call bank

Driving practice

Shopping

JULY 28 2024:

And their hands. Always their hands.

(how I imagine it)

Dongfang Qincang pulls away from the kiss to look down at her, his Xiao Lanhua. 500 years they have waited for this and he can see the desperation in her eyes as she clutches at him a bit tighter. Holding her face in his hands he wipes away the streams of tears running down her face with his thumb. "Xiao Lanhua, don't cry. I am here." She nods her head vigorously but shuts her eyes tight, afraid to open them lest he be a dream. He pulls her into his chest and discreetly wipes the errant tear escaping his eyes. No more tears, he wants to say to her and pulls back slightly, but stops. Her body is shaking with muffled sobs as she buries her face in his chest and grips his robe so tightly he fears for her circulation. He pulls her closer once more, stroking her hair. After a while, he picks her up and carries her to the bench, settling her snuggly beside him. 

"Xiao Lanhua," he says gently. Finally she takes a deep breath and looks up at him. He once again wipes furiously at her tears, holding back his own with strain. "Damutou" she whispers, her voice raw and weak. He is nearly undone from the pain in her voice and takes a hold of her hands to steady his. She looks down at their entwined hands and he wonders if she's seeing the same image; the last time they said goodbye and he left her alone, with empty outstretched hands.

"Forgive me Xiao Lanhua" he says, still staring at their hands. When she doesn't reply he looks up, anxiously, to meet her eyes. Her eyes are so filled with tears he can see nothing else. "Damutou, don't look at me like that" she says as she rubs a gentle hand across his furrowed brows. "I have spent the past 500 years haunted by this look on your face. Of all those days when you had looked at me so anxiously and I--" she breaks off on a sob and looks away, her head bent. He grabs the hand still resting on his face and pulls it to his lips. "Xiao Lanhua, look at me". She shakes her head. "I--I hurt you so--so much Damutou" she cries out, gasping for air. His heart is aching so much he feels it like a physical pain. When she clutches at her own chest he  grips her shoulders and pulls her upright. This is too much. It is unbearable. Her pain, her agonized sobs, too reminiscent of the ones he heard over and over again for the past 500 years from the moment he had said goodbye. Those cries that had echoed in his ears for eternity. Damutou don't leave me. Come back don't leave me. They have to stop. Both of them can't bear more. Taking a shaky breath he takes her chin in his hands to raise her eyes to his. 

"Xiao Lanhua, you ordered me to come back and now I am here. Did you not prepare any welcome for me?" he says with a small hesitant smile. She stares into his eyes where he hopes she sees his silent plea. When she takes deep calming breaths and nods slowly, he grips her hands and pulls her up with him, tentatively allowing his smile to widen a bit. "Well then, where are my flower cakes? I hope you made them in all the flavors I like. I have been hungry for 500 years you know." Her hands in his tighten and her eyes get glassy again. He gives her hand a squeeze and pulls her gently to the main hall. "Come Xiao Lanhua, there are flower cakes to eat and sunsets to watch." He smiles even wider at her, hoping it is enough to wipe the sadness away. A sinkhole is opening inside of him, and all he can see are her anguished eyes. Those eyes that used to look up at him with so much sunshine that he thought he would never need to see another sunrise so long as he had her. How can he ever forgive himself for taking that light away? He pushes these thoughts aside and turns to her.

Later, as they watch the sunset and she is calmer he pulls her even closer to his side to give her a kiss on the head. "There isn't a single thing in this life or any other that you need to ask forgiveness for Xiao Lanhua." She stiffens then slowly straightens to look at him solemnly for a long time. For a few beats he is afraid he has made her cry again, but she blinks away her tears and puts a hand on his heart, piercing him with her intense gaze.

"And you as well, Damutou." He feels a stinging behind his eyes and something warm slip down his cheek. Before he realizes, she reaches out to gently wipe the tears. "No more tears" she says, looking up at him with wide determined eyes. He gives her a small nod, before pulling her into him. His hand stroking her hair, he closes his eyes, and breathes in deeply.

Yeh laal ishq [This red love]:

Yeh malaal ishq [This anguished love] :

Yeh aib ishq yeh bair ishq [This flawed love, This enemy like love] :

Tujh sang bair lagaya aisa [I made an enemy of you in such a way] :

Raha na main phir apne jaisa [that I no longer remained myself] :

Apna naam badal doon [Should I change my name] :

Ya tera naam chupa loon [or should I hide your name] :

Mera naam ishq, tera naam ishq [My name is love your, name is love] :