What if aliens don’t, and when they first hear one, they’re either looking around, trying to see what broke, or looking at the human in terror, because the release of air is a sign of death.

Then the human behind them makes a rude comment about it, and they both laugh, causing the alien to almost have an anxiety attack. Didn’t he know he was about to die?

—-

Frithan stared at Human Terry. Did he just... Oh no. Frithan was about to tell Human Terry that xi would let his family know his fate, when Human Jake spoke up, waving a hand in front of his face.

“Jeez, loud AND violent. I’ll be sure not to stand behind you.”

“Well, you know what milk does to me. But don’t worry, I already got your pillow.”

Frithan was confused. Why were they laughing? Xi walked forward and... oh Stars above, the smell. Xi literally gagged. Xi was choking on the amount of sulfur in the air.

Both humans took notice when xi came over, but when xi started gagging, they became alarmed, and rushed xir over to the med bay.

Human Genevine was on duty today, and she looked at the three of them when they came in. Her eyebrows went up when they put xir on the bed. “Alright, what did you two do?”

Human Jake said, “Nothing! Nothing that I can think of.”

Human Terry smacked him on the head. Why? Aren’t they sensitive there? “Dude, you spiked my coffee. AGAIN. I think that’s what caused Frithan to start gagging.”

Xi managed what the humans call a “smile”. “I can see that when you die, you take others with you. Silly of me to think otherwise.”

The two “males” looked at each other, then Human Terry looked at me and said, “Well, yeah, I can see that, but I don’t get how it pertains to now.”

Human Genevine just shook her head. “You idiots don’t know, do you?” They didn’t respond, so she just groaned and said, “A release of air like that to them means death.”

Human Jake looked at Frithan incredulously. “Seriously? You fart, you die?”

Frithan looked at Human Jake. “What is a ‘fart’?”

Human Jake just grinned and started singing to himself, “Blazing saddles, blazing saddles...”

Human Genevine said, “To humans, a fart is a release of air. A relief of pressure in the lower body. It does not mean death to us. To some,” at that point, she glared at Human Jake, “it is the point of a joke.”

Human Terry said, “I should probably leave. I’ve been dropping eggs this entire time.”

Human Genevine groaned, while Human Jake started laughing. As Human Terry left, xi looked after him, confused. Dropping eggs? Xi thought humans were not an egg-laying race.

Human Jake stopped, and then the biggest grin came across his face. “You know, if we really want the rebellion gone, we could invite them for a Mexican-style dinner.”

Human Genevine looked at him. Just looked. Then, “...you don’t mean-”

Human Jake interrupted with, “Oh yes, yes I do. Baked beans.” He looked at me and said, “If you think milk can mess with a lactose intolerant person’s insides, just wait until you see the results of baked beans with humanity as a whole.”

Frithan’s spines quivered in fear. Xi tried to control it, but failed. The only thing xi could get out was, “I thought your kind was not an egg-laying race.”