#dracosdiary

- January 22nd -

For the first time in a long time, Draco and I were able to spend two consecutive holidays together in a row, and...Merlin, it was more than I could have ever hoped for. Bringing him back the Order was one of the best decisions we've made in ages; I needed him here, and he needed to be away from his manor. It...it was killing him, being there, and if he had been forced to stay for even one more week, he would have died. He's a bit better now, thankfully, especially with his parents there, but...I'm not a fool, and I know Draco. I know when he's stressed, and when he's worried, even if he doesn't express any of it to me.

He...he's my soulmate. I know him better than anyone else in the entire world. 

Still, I'm so happy that he's home, and even happier that he seems to be growing more and more healthy with each passing day. I'll never forget the way he looked when he first escaped the manor--he was starving, and not just in the sense that he needed food. But...he's here now, and his recovery is all that matters to me.

I wish I could take the time to write a bit more, but I'm afraid there's a meeting taking place tonight, so I really should be off. There's so much planning to be done within the Order, and...we simply can't allow even the smallest amount of time to go to waste.

My love,

I'm going to keep this letter as short and as brief as I possibly can in hopes of being able to send it to you at the utmost haste. I've finally figured things out with Harry and the rest of the Order, and...it's happening, Draco. We're going to break you out, and we're going to break you out soon. There were more than a few people who wanted to wait another month before freeing you, but I was sure to shoot down every single one of the notions that didn't involve getting you out of your manor right this instant. There's absolutely no point in forcing you to spend even another week risking your life, and I refuse to allow it. 

So I'm coming for you, Draco, and I'm coming soon. 

On Wednesday, December the fourth, a group including myself, Harry, Ron, Dean, and Seamus are going to meet you at a location a few miles away from your manor--they'll be a marker placed there beforehand so that you won't miss it. Dress warmly, love, because the temperature is already dropping at an insane rate, and the last thing I want is for you to end up freezing to death. Along with the usual food package I've sent along in a separate parcel, I'm also giving you what should be at least three days worth of non-perishable goods for you to bring when you're on the road, as well as more food for you to leave behind with your parents. You need to be careful, Draco; you need to be safe. If anyone catches you escaping, I...I...

I don't even want to think about what would happen.

So this is it, then. We're--we're coming for you, Draco, just like I promised we would. We should be leaving relatively soon, as we're trying to avoid Disapparating as much as we possibly can, especially once we begin to encroach upon Death Eater territory. But everything should be fine--the team that's been put together is highly skilled, and we all know what's at risk here. Not just your life, but...ours, and the lives of so many others as well. So we'll be careful, Draco; I promise. 

Write me back as soon as you can with your confirmation, and if there's anything you don't understand or that you're in need of knowing, please don't hesitate to ask--this entire thing needs to go off without a hitch.

With that being said, though...I love you, Draco, and I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to bring you home again. 

Until Wednesday, 

Draco,

I really, really hope that your family doesn't grow too suspicious about where it is that you're getting these care packages from, because the last thing I'd ever want is to have to stop sending them to you. It makes me livid beyond belief to know that you're not receiving nearly as much food as you need--honestly, you think Voldemort would want to keep his army well fed instead of starving them half to death! I can only imagine how skinny you must be getting, and it worries me, Draco--it worries me so much. You and your family need to keep your strength up, which is why I've doubled the food portions in this package--eat as much as you'd like, because I promise that I'll be sending another one as soon as I can. Is it...is it enough? Am I giving you enough? Please let me know, love, because if I have to send two owls instead of one, I will. You know I will. Anything you need, Draco, anything your family needs, just...please don't hesitate to ask for it, because I hate to think of you going without.

I spoke to Harry, by the way, and while he wasn't exactly...pleased about you abandoning your perch, I told him that I wasn't asking for his permission--that this was what was going to happen, and he could either help me or leave things entirely up to me. It took quite some time, but he finally agreed--begrudgingly, of course, but agreed nevertheless. We're thinking we can have you out within the month--if you can manage to sneak away during the night, a team of Aurors (myself included, despite the fact that Harry said that it was too risky for me to go along) will meet you at a halfway point between your manor and the closest safe house. It'll be...extremely dangerous, of course, but I don't care. I told Harry that I'd gladly go alone if that's what it took, but...he didn't like that very much. So I think the team is going to end up being me, Harry, Ron, Dean, and Seamus. We're going to have to tell them about your true allegiance, of course, as well as the rest of the Order, and...Merlin.

I just can't believe this is finally happening, Draco. You're coming home.

For now though, just do what you can to keep you and your family safe and out of harm's way. And before you ask, I haven't forgotten about them--we're going to figure out something to ensure their safety, as well. I...I don't know if they'd be freely welcomed into the Order, all things considered, but I promise that I'll think of something. I would never ask you to abandon or leave them behind--they're your family, and I know how much they mean to you. Just...please, please keep yourself safe for just a little while longer; we'll have you out soon, Draco. You won't have to do this anymore. There won't be anymore hiding, or risking your life for something you don't even believe in...and we're going to be together.

I love you, Draco. And...as soon as everything's calmed down, and we've managed to win this seemingly never-ending war, I would jump at the opportunity to start a family with you. As...as your wife. 

Wait for me, love, and be safe. Always be safe.

Yours Truly,

My love,

I can't even seem to begin to explain just how utterly relieved I was when I received your letter and learned that I had managed to catch you right before you planned on leaving, Draco. The very last thing that I ever wanted to happen was for you to end up captured or worse because of me and my far too hasty judgement making skills. I...I'm still so sorry for terrifying you as much as I did; I was just so scared and so worried, and I had absolutely no clue what I was supposed to do. Merlin, if...if I had actually been pregnant, there would have been no telling what you and I would have had to do in order to keep all three of us safe--you, me, and the baby that would be growing inside of my body.

And while I know that I do want children one day...I refuse to bring up any child in the war-torn world that we're currently fighting to save. Our baby would deserve so much better than that, Draco. 

And...in regards to the last part of your most recent letter, I have to say that I agree with you one-hundred percent. Nothing is worth you spending each and every day wondering if you're going to live or die; nothing is worth us spending more than three fourths of the year apart from one another. You're as much of an Order member as the rest of us are, and you shouldn't be forced to risk your life pretending otherwise. So...I'm going to talk to Harry. As soon as I finish this letter, I'm going to go looking for him and I'm going to explain to him that there is no way you're staying at the manor any longer. You're coming home, Draco, and I will not let anyone stand in the way of that. Even Harry.

Besides, it isn't as if you won't be just as useful here as you are in the field. You're a Wizard of many skills, and I'll be sure to explain that to everyone else in the Order. You...you need to be here, Draco. 

I need you to be here. 

For now, though, I'm sending Benny with another care package for you and your family, and I was sure to pack extra food just in case you do end up having to leave on a moment's notice. There should be plenty of food for the three of you, but if there isn't, please let me know and I'll be certain to send more as soon as I possibly can. 

I love you, Draco. I love you, and I want you to come home.

Yours, 

DRACO! 

Draco Lucius Malfoy--please tell me that you haven't left the manor yet! I--I only just arrived back from my mission not even an hour ago; it went on far longer than any of us expected us to, and the last thing that I thought I would find upon my return was a letter from you informing me that you're planning on dropping out of Voldemort's army and abandoning your role in favor of coming to find me! Draco, love, I can't even begin to explain how much the mere thought of you sacrificing everything to take care of me, but--but I would never ask you to risk your life to such an extent! Leaving the manor without any sort of proper plan and abandoning your espionage position...it would be suicide!

Especially because...Draco, I'm not pregnant. While I was on my mission, I surreptitiously pulled one of the older Witches aside, and I asked her if she knew of any sort of charm that would be able to...to tell if I was with child or not. She was shocked, to be sure, but thankfully she was able to cast a spell that very quickly revealed to the both of us that I wasn't pregnant. I'm assuming that it was just stress, then, and probably a lack of proper nutrition on my part, and--Draco, for Merlin's sake, you had better be reading this right now. I'm not pregnant. That's not something that we need to worry about, so please, please don't rush off to find me; please don't put yourself in even more danger than you already face on a daily basis. I had no clue that you would have taken such drastic measures upon finding out that there was a possibility that we had conceived a child, but--but if I had known that you would behave so recklessly, I wouldn't have told you in the first place!

I know that you're just trying to do the right thing, the noble thing, and I love you for that, Draco--I love you so much. But you cannot risk your life over something that's no longer even a concern, and I'm praying to God that this letter reaches you in time. I was an absolute mess when I owled you last, and I know that I must have come off as rather frantic, and I'm so sorry for worrying you as much as I did. I was terrified, Draco, and I wasn't thinking coherently enough to realize that my fear would spread to you. So I'm hoping with everything that I have in me right now that you haven't left as of yet, and that you don't plan on doing so anytime soon. You need to stay safe, Draco. Please. For me.

Write me back as soon as you get this, Draco. I mean it. I need to know that you're okay; I need to know that you're alive. 

And again, love...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for scaring you. I'm so, so sorry.

With all my heart,

Draco,

First and foremost, I would just like to apologize for the haste in which this letter is going to be written; I'm supposed to leave for a mission within the hour, and if I don't write this now, I won't be able to write it for another week. And...considering the nature of this particular owl, I can't exactly afford to waste even the smallest amount of time. This is...this is extremely important, and I'm so sorry that I'm going to have to explain it as quickly as I possibly can. It's--I don't even know what I'm doing, to be completely honest, but...but...here I go, then.

I...I was due to start my monthly two weeks after you visited me on my birthday, but...I didn't. Given the fact that we're in the midst of a war, I attributed it to stress and slight weight loss, and I told myself that I was probably just late, and that my cycle would regulate itself on my own. So...I waited. I waited, and I waited, and now here I am today, and I've still yet to receive my monthly. And...I've always been regular, Draco, even when we were at school together; my body regulated itself like clockwork. But now it's been exactly a month, and I...I'm starting to worry that it's not just stress or weight loss that's caused me to miss my monthly; I'm worried that it's something far more...important than that.

Especially seeing as...for the past week or so, I've been sick every day in the morning, and I don't know if this is simply due to how worried I've been, or if it's due to...something else. Something else that I'm sure you've caught on to at this point. I--I don't know what to do, Draco. I won't be able to make an appointment with my Healer until I've returned from my mission, but...Merlin, this is an entirely new brand of fear that I don't know how to deal with; this is absolutely nothing like...like going out into battle, or being assigned to a dangerous mission--this is something much, much more terrifying than any of that.

And--I'm sorry, Draco. I know that I'm not explaining any of this very well at all, but I'm so scared, and so anxious, and--I need to go. I can hear Harry and Ron looking for me, and they'll worry if I don't meet with the rest of the team in the foyer. So--so I'm going to go, and...as soon as I get back, and as soon as I've had my appointment with the Healer, I'll be sure to inform you about...everything. I promise, Draco.

Until then, though, I...I love you, Draco Malfoy. So much. Please be safe.

Your worried, terrified, and absolutely frantic mess of a Witch,

My prickly porcupine,

Oh, my poor Benny! He was a bit winded by the time he finally arrived back at the safe house; he needed a full week's worth of rest before he was able to fly again. Hence why this letter took so long for me to send to you! I would use another Owl, but the majority of them are being tracked, and I can't risk anyone finding out whom it is that I'm sending pastries and...erm...explicit pictures, on a regular basis. He's doing much better now, though; thank you for taking such good care of him, love. I think he likes you, you know! He always makes this lovely little hoot whenever he realizes that it's you he gets to visit, as opposed to poor Justin Finch-Fletchley, whom he doesn't seem to like at all.

Then again, Justin did accidentally poke little Benny with the sharp end of a sugar quill, so that probably has quite a bit to do with it.

Please tell me that your food rations have increased since your last letter; I had no clue that you weren't allotted a free supply of food, Draco, nor did I think that your entire family would be punished for your father's mistake! I've sent along another care package, with twice the amount of food, just in case you're still being held accountable for your father's actions--there should be more than enough for you and your family. A fair bit of it is non-perishable, as well, so hopefully it lasts you as long as you need it to, and please don't hesitate to Owl me back asking for more, Draco. I don't like to think about you going hungry.

I...I still haven't been able to stop thinking about our reunion, I hope you know, and I don't think that I ever will be able to cease reminiscing of how good it felt to finally touch you all over. And my neighbors are still giving me odd looks, I hope you know--it seems they haven't quite forgotten about how...erm...how loud the two of us were when you took me right up against the frame of my front door. The next time you visit, we need to be certain to remember to cast silencing charms! I actually want to be able to bring my neighbors baked desserts and knitted goods without them staring at me with all this wide-eyed and disapproving shock. Even poor Crookshanks has started to notice it!

Five years, love; we've been together for five whole years. And...despite the war, and despite the fighting, and despite our constant separation...these five years have been the best of my life, if only because I've spent them knowing that you're mine, and in return, I belong to you and you only. I would go through war after war after war if it meant keeping you with me, Draco Malfoy, and I hope you know that. I...I can't wait to spend every single one of my days losing myself to you; whether we're making love or...or engaging in something a bit more rough with one another, I want to dedicate weeks to committing every bit of you to memory, Draco, and I want to be able to do it as your wife. 

Speaking of, I've still been taking our our wedding scrapbook and taking it out every night before I go to bed; I flip through the pages, and already I'm able to imagine what they're going to look like when they're filled with the photographs depicting our life together as husband and wife. It...I...we're going to be married, Draco. I'll be Hermione Malfoy, or you'll be Draco Granger, or perhaps one of us will just choose to hyphenate our last names, but...whatever choice we end up making, it'll hardly matter--if only because we'll be wonderfully and beautifully wed.

I love you too, Draco. I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there's a life after that, I'll love you then, as well.

Hermione x

P.S. Things are alright over on my end; I just returned home from a particularly tasking mission, and I am knackered. I've told Harry to write you up an Owl explaining everything that's been going on as of late, so that'll be in the envelope attached to this one. He would like it if you returned a letter for him, as well!