reminding myself that i can discuss my issues and work through them with friends and that i dont need to do it in a confessional manner im not catholic anymore i havent been for over a decade i wont be damned to hell if i go through bad things and not confess them confessing is a compulsion but also dont suffer in silence dont use the bad things as reason why u are justified like still talk about them but like dont confess BLEHHHH i hate not thinking in black and white its so difficult and evil. the purpose of sharing that things are bad arent to get it out so u dont get punished it's so people can help u a shared burden is half the weight or whatever.

supposed to get an important call today at 2:30 and its 2:35 and i havent gotten it yet and i cant do this i hate this i hate everything everything is evil and dead

I think I've been feeling so insane and funky just because I feel like I lack control over my personal relationships and it's been a pattern for about a year now and everytime someone ended something with me it's been over text and abrupt and I never understand why and I hate being left wondering. idk I think I just really appreciate my friends right now for sticking with me and I know they appreciate me for sticking with them because I think I'm a pushover and it's good to remind myself that I have like value and I don't have to take shit and I have self worth and whatnot

i miss being held

i need to pee but im so snug in bed this is worse than three 9/11s

i have so much stress in my body right now i need to find a way to get it out (usually working out) but the stress is messing up my ability to be motivated to go and shower and then go biking BLEHHH i feel like i need to do a million things to get ready for school but i've pretty much done it all. i have funds sorted out for school, i came out to my program peers, i have classes enrolled and im on track to graduate this year, but UGH i just feel so like. fight or flight right now