#dovecameronwrites

    the words bring an instant smile to her lips and iris is quick to press her lips to his gently. there’s nothing and no one that iris loves more than barry, but the idea of starting a family with him terrifies her. it’s not like she has never thought about it – or like cecile’s pregnancy didn’t make her think about it even more. but how can they have children when they are often battling evil? it’s one thing to worry about her safety and barry’s – and heaven knows iris’ heart stops beating every time he gets hurt. but how would things work if they brought children into the equation? she would never ask barry to stop being the flash, it’s part of who he is ( part of who they are ), but iris doesn’t think they could be parents and be the flash at the same time. and that’s where her concerns are, truly – she is not sure they ever will be able to manage both. 

moodboard: luis + carlos ( @dovecameronwrites​ )

    maya hated seattle -- it was as simple as that. she hated how it was a reminder of alex leaving and she hated how it was a reminder of everything she lost. most importantly -- she hated the fact this was his home, not new york ( not her. ) but she had stayed around for the last couple of days, helping melody and lassie arrange the funeral. maya knew those were not really their names, but she couldn’t find it in herself to pay attention to what they were called. learning their names meant getting attached and there was no way she was letting that happen -- not after everything. the past 72 hours still felt like a blur and pinpointing all that went down just seemed impossible. but as she laid down on his empty bedroom, blue eyes emptily staring at the ceiling, maya figured she should -- if anything so she could explain to aaron and amber how their brother had died. 

     it all started with a phone call from an unknown washington number. maya was still back in new york, taking care of amber and her art gallery. it had been years since she had last heard alex’s name, mostly because she made all her friends stop saying it -- even little amber eventually got the clue, though maya suspected that was because she had been abandoned as well. regardless of why and how, the woman had managed to put him behind her. she had forgotten him and moved on. she still had abandonment and trust issues because of what he had done, but she had moved on -- or so maya tried. god knew it was not easy to forget your soulmate. however, he had left and she was doing fine. until that damn phone call.

     the person calling her was far from stable. it was lassie -- lexie, she remembered now. something about photographic memory and alex being shot and calling for her. maya knew it had to be a prank. alex asking for her? saying her name? it could not be true. the woman didn’t even give the stranger any attention, instead hanging up and turning her phone off until she got to home. as the minutes went by, maya tried to forget about the prank call -- but there was something about the woman’s voice that just seemed real. it was real enough that maya decided to google his name and washington. and that’s when she read about it -- the shooting.

    within a few hours, maya had called lexie back and heard all about the situation. there was a shooter in the hospital they worked at. alex had been shot, he was in critical situation and whenever they could understand his mumbles, it was maya he called for. according to her, he could die any minute now and she should be there -- having a loved one around helped recovery. maya remembered almost laughing. loved one? alex didn’t love her. he just took off -- left without looking back. he didn’t even bother asking her to go with him. if it was her name he was saying then he sure as hell was about to die. 

    maya knew the unknown woman had not been happy with her reply, but she said she understood. either way, lexie said maya was welcome to call any time. maya said she wouldn’t. she tried to go on about her nightly routine -- making sure amber had done her homework and put her to bed. but every now and again the blonde caught herself looking at her phone. there was an endless debate going on in her mind -- she had to go. it was alex and he could die and she should go. but he had left and never looked back, why should she be the one to give in? but he was dying. eventually, maya decided to go. not because she forgave him, but because she wasn’t a leaver.

     the flight to seattle was long and quiet and maya hated every minute of it. she tried answering some emails and sketching to distract herself, but nothing worked. lexie also had stopped sending updates and maya was not about to let alex know he had won. when she finally got to the hospital, it seemed as if it had been an eternity. but just like that, she was hit with the reality of the situation. the place was crowded with reporters and visitors -- faces she did not recognize. she did not know those people, they were part of alex’s life and she was not.

    “hi, i am looking for alex karev”, maya whispered, signing a paper with her name afterwards and realizing there were tears falling from her face and blurring the paper -- when had she started crying? she followed the nurse’s instructions, running towards his room. the minute she finally got there, it was like time had slowed down. he had changed so much in the past few years, but it was still him. she knew it in her soul. and when their eyes locked, maya knew he recognized her too. “maya”, he whispered weakly before his eyes fell shut and the machines started beeping.

    she was no doctor so she had no idea what was all going on. all she knew was that suddenly his room was being filled with nurses and doctors they kept repeating that he was coding and saying his name. and then maya recognized the beep that was left when they had all quieted down. “time of death, 07:27″, a woman announced and she noticed the woman was crying. they all were. but all maya could do was fall down. she was too late.

    it had been exactly 36 hours now since he had passed away and they all passed like a blur. maya met all the people alex worked with and they all gave her condolences. to some point, the woman thought it was comical. maya did not know the man who had just died. she knew teenager alex, who took take of his siblings and punched his dad. she didn’t know dr. karev. and even now, in his bedroom, maya felt like she was mourning a stranger.

    it wasn’t supposed to be that way. riley would have expected maya to forgive alex the moment she saw him in that hospital bed -- the moment she heard he was hurt. but she couldn’t. even now that he was dead, maya was still mad at him. not only for leaving her before, but for bringing her back into his life just to leave her again. the woman got up from his bed, tears rolling down her cheeks. lexie and melody -- no, meredith -- had said she could take whatever she wanted. but none of his crap would ease her grief or her anger.

     “you were supposed to stay!” the blonde finally yelled, throwing his lab coat on the ground. soon all of his clothes started being ripped away from his closet by an enraged maya. “you were supposed to stay. you-- you promised. and then you left. and then you said my name. why would you say my name?” she shouted once again, fingers running through her hair. “i am so mad at you that i can’t even miss you. what am i supposed to tell amber, huh? she thinks i am in los angeles right now because a gallery there was interested in my art. yeah, i am still taking care of her”, the woman whispered, looking up.