#dorib

#casual ableist language

Iron Bull: Nice work with the magic back there, Dorian.  You’re pretty good at blowing guys up.

Dorian: It’s significantly more impressive than hitting them with a sharp piece of metal.

Iron Bull: Hey, whoa, let’s not get crazy.

------

(If you sided with the Chargers in “Demands of the Qun” and Dorian did not reconcile with his father in “The Last Resort of Good Men”.)

Iron Bull: You doing all right, Dorian?  I know family stuff can be rough.

Dorian: What would you know about it?  True Qunari don’t have families.

Iron Bull: Finding out you don’t fit in with the people who raised you?

Iron Bull: Having to walk away from everything you grew up with, knowing you’ve disappointed the ones who loved you?

Iron Bull: I might know a bit.  Takes a tough man to do it, too.  So good on you, you big old fop.

Dorian: Yay.  Good on me.

------

Dorian: You seemed remarkably comfortable at the Winter Palace, Bull.

Iron Bull: I do my best.

Dorian: You didn’t knock over a single priceless statue, or fart even once near the dessert table.

Iron Bull: That you know of.

Dorian: I’m surprised you never spent time in Tevinter courts.  They would adore you.

Iron Bull: I did.  After a while, the saddle just got too heavy.

------

Dorian: I hope it doesn’t bother you to travel alongside a “Vint”, Iron Bull.

Iron Bull: That what you are?  You people all kinda look the same to me.

Dorian: I’m also a mage.  Would you prefer me bound and leashed?

Iron Bull: I’d buy you dinner first.

Dorian: Hopefully before you sewed my mouth shut.

Iron Bull: Depends how much you keep yapping.

------

Iron Bull: Guess the Vints will be pissed with you running to warm everyone at Haven, huh?

Dorian: Not that my warning did much good.

Iron Bull: Didn’t see any rebel mages coming to do it.

Dorian: There is that.  The ones who didn’t join the Venatori either ran off or were killed.

Iron Bull: Ah, see?  Good on you.  Way to join the underdogs.

Dorian: I’m thrilled, really.

------

Dorian: Vishante kaffas!  Don’t you ever bathe?

(If Iron Bull and Dorian have already had the conversation that starts with "So Dorian, about last night...")

Iron Bull: You like it.

Iron Bull: Sometimes.  You want to watch, don’t you?

Dorian: I’d rather stand upwind.

Iron Bull: Human sweat smells like pork that’s been sitting in the sun.  Just saying.

------

Dorian: Watch where you’re pointing that thing!

Iron Bull: Dirty!

Dorian: Vishante kaffas!  I meant your weapon!

------

#cannibalism warn

Dorian: Nothing at all, Bull?  No trouble having a “Vint” behind you?

Iron Bull: Hope you like the view.

Dorian: You can’t deny you enjoy butchering my people

Iron Bull: Hey, butchering implies I’m gonna eat ‘em.  Most Vints are just gristle and fat in a wine marinade.

Dorian: Well, that much is true.

------

Dorian: No Qunari would accept a Tevinter mage so easily...unless it was a ruse.  When should I expect a knife in the back?

Iron Bull: You ever use that fancy magic of yours to burn down an orphanage full of kids?

Dorian: Er...not today.

Iron Bull: (laughs) Then I wouldn’t worry.  Lot of other people need a knife in the back first.

------

Dorian: You’ve killed lots of my countrymen, I take it?

Iron Bull: Sure, usually when I’m being paid for it.

Dorian: What?  Never just for fun?

Iron Bull: I’m here, aren’t I?  Man’s gotta take his fun where he can find it.

------

#emetophobia warn

Iron Bull: Think I know what your problem is, Dorian.

Dorian: I have only the one?

Iron Bull: You see a man who’s burned out, who left his people and entire life behind...and for what?

Dorian: You’re not suggesting we’re similar.

Iron Bull: How’s that mirror treating you?  Pretty picture, isn’t it?

Dorian: I may vomit.

Iron Bull: Wait, wait, I’ll flex a little for you.  Make it easier.

------

Iron Bull: Must grind your gristle the “Elder One” is some crazy Vint asshole, huh?

Dorian: I’m not thrilled to discover we should take those old legends at face value.

Iron Bull: Guess he thinks the modern Imperium is a real letdown, too.

Dorian: Why wouldn’t he?  Tevinter one covered all Thedas, its glory only matched by its depravity.

Dorian: It’d be like Koslun showing up and learning the Qunari didn’t conquer the world after all.

Iron Bull: Hm, yes.  Priesthood’s been trying to explain that one for centuries.

------

Dorian: We have a Ben-hassrath with us?  A spy.  An actual Qunari spy.

Dorian: That doesn’t strike anyone as a bad thing?

Iron Bull: Says the Vint.  When we’re fighting Vints.

Dorian: That’s...not a terrible point.  Okay.

------

Iron Bull: That staff’s in pretty good shape, Dorian.

Iron Bull: You spend a lot of time polishing it?

Dorian: (groans)

------

Dorian: What does the Qunari priesthood tell your people about losing the war?

Iron Bull: Enh.  The usual.  Water comes, water goes, but eventually the tides wear away the mountain.  Blah, blah, blah.

Dorian: They’ve been fighting Tevinter for centuries and still haven’t won.

Iron Bull: Wait, you think we’ve been at war all this time?

Dorian: It’s barely and eye-watering slap fight, I’ll grant you, but every now and again it heats up.

Iron Bull: (chuckles) That’s just force of habit.  A real invasion’s different.

Dorian: What are they waiting for?

Iron Bull: Don’t know.  Someone to tell someone to tell someone it’s on again, I guess.

------

Dorian: So they’re the Chargers, and you’re the Bull.  That’s clever.

Iron Bull: Worked that out on your own, did ya?

Iron Bull: You gotta keep the name simple, so the nobles get it.  They pay us to fight, not to entertain at tea.

Dorian: That I’d like to see.

------

#discussion of sexual assault

Iron Bull: Quite the stink eye you got going, Dorian.

Dorian: You stand there, flexing your muscles, huffing like some beast of burden, with no thought save conquest.

Iron Bull: That’s right.  These big, muscled hands could tear those robes off while you struggled, helpless in my grip.

Iron Bull: I’d pin you down, and as you gripped my horns, I would conquer you.

Dorian: Um...what?

Iron Bull: Oh.  Is that not where we’re going?

Dorian: No, it was very much not.

------

Iron Bull: I’m just saying, Dorian, you carry around this picture of the Qunari in your mind, like you see us as this forbidden, terrible thing.

Iron Bull: And you’re inclined to do the forbidden.

Dorian: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Iron Bull: All I’m saying is, you ever want to explore that, my door’s always open.

Dorian: You are impossible!  This is… (frustrated noise)

Iron Bull: Good!  I like that energy!  Stoke those fires, big guy.

------

Iron Bull: Better hike up your skirt, mage boy.

Dorian: I’m not wearing a skirt.

Iron Bull: You trip on that bustling whatever, don’t come crying to me.

------

Dorian: Why is it always so cold?  How do you southerners stand it?

Iron Bull: What’s the matter?  Not enough slaves around to rub your footsies?

Dorian: (angrily) My footsies are freezing, thank you.

------

#casual ableist language

Dorian: I will never understand why Qunari warriors spend half their time running around bare-chested.

Iron Bull: Thought you'd appreciate that.

Dorian: It's stupid.  They should wear armor.

Iron Bull: You see a member of the beresaad in full armor, you run, because it's war.

Dorian: They should wear armor all the time!

Iron Bull: Then they'd have to invade everyone.  You're so bloodthirsty.

Dorian: (growls)

------

Iron Bull: Still stewing on it, eh, Dorian?

Dorian: Abelas said the elves destroyed themselves.  I’m still wrapping my head around that.

Iron Bull: Why not tell everyone?  Thought you wanted to take your fellow Vints down a peg or two.

Dorian: For one, I’ve no proof, secondly if I did, they’d lose their collective minds.  They might decide they have something to prove.  Can you imagine?

Iron Bull: (grunts) Good point.

------

Iron Bull: Dorian, you’ve been to Minrathous, right?

Dorian: Of course.  I’m not a plebian.

Iron Bull: You ever been to that place in the Vivazi Plaza, with the big, cracked bell hanging off the roof?

Dorian: With the dancers, yes.  You’re making me homesick.

------

Iron Bull: So, Dorian, about last night…

Dorian: (sighs) Discretion isn’t your thing, is it?

Iron Bull: Three times!  Also, do you want those silky underthings back, or did you leave those like a token?

Iron Bull: Or...wait, did you “forget” them so you’d have an excuse to come back?  You sly dog!

Dorian: If you choose to leave your door unlocked like a savage, I may or may not come.

Iron Bull: Speak for yourself.

------