#doomsday despair

Is the same energy as this:

Are we really so sure Dean wasn’t going to say ILY back?

At first, when Cas began speaking, Dean was confused. They had Death knocking on the door and Cas decided that now was a great time to bring up yet another deal and something about happiness and then... oh wait. Cas is spilling his heart and saying nice things, nice things about Dean that Dean never thinks of himself. It was too much, so much all at once.

What else could Dean do except listen? Even if he wasn’t saying much—so overwhelmed by being whammied by a torrent of unconditional love during one of the lowest points of his life—Dean’s emotions were all over his face. (Jensen and micro-expressions, amiright?!)

The more Cas spoke, though, the more the clear the picture became. Dean had changed Cas, showed him how to care. Showed him how to love in a myriad of ways: as a friend to other humans, as a brother Sam, as a father to Jack, and as something more to Dean...

“I love you.”

But Dean didn’t say it back because he realized exactly what love and happiness and the Empty and the deal all had to do with one another and he’s the common denominator.

If the key to unleashing the Empty on Cas is for Cas to be happy, and if Cas loves him and doesn’t think he can have that, why would Dean say it back? Why would Dean take that risk now, after all of this time? Yes, Death is at the door but they never give up and they could still try to fight long enough to live another day and save the world.

“Cas, don’t do this...”

The rift opened, regardless of what was or wasn’t said back. The Empty was here. Cas was happy enough, at peace enough, just to love Dean even if he didn’t think he was loved in return.

Cas was getting taken away from him anyway, like it or not. Dean knew then that this was his last chance, his only chance, to say it...

“Cas—”

Cas took a step forward, a tender hand to Dean’s shoulder, a goodbye. A mark left behind in blood, a sacrifice and a covenant.

There was no more time. It was all happening too fast, too fast for the words to work their way past Dean’s throat. He was shoved out of harm’s way and sat up in shock just in time to watch Cas get engulfed into blackness.

And then Cas was gone.

🥺

I can’t believe they pulled a frigging Tenrose, complete with a separation that crossed dimensions, in order for the supernatural being/alien to save their human. Actually, I can believe it. And they did. And it hurts so good in such a beautifully heartbreaking way.