#doolset

" Time will pass

And someone will be forgotten

Things will flow however they like "

Time, like a wave, will wash away like the ebb tide - But still, don’t forget to come find me.

One of my favorite albums (in the ever) is mono. by RM. 

I recently learned that RM, the pseudonym of Korean musician Kim Namjoon of BTS, sounds like aleum (아름) a Korean word for beauty. I’ve always thought that he has a beautiful way of writing about life, about making the mundane seem special. 

I consider this album (or, a, I’m pretty sure he refers to it as such, playlist) a forever friend. Do you also have an album that you think of as a best friend album? An album you can listen to when you’re happy, when you’re sad, when you’re everything, when you’re nothing? One that you’re convinced will always be your favorite? This is mine! It’s a friend for every situation, but especially for when I am especially in need of comfort that isn’t from myself. 

It takes me exactly one mono.-listen to walk to my favorite spot on the river, I like to sit there for another mono.-listen, and then walk back home. It takes three mono.s for what I think is is sufficient self-not-reflection but more like for remembering that I’m a person... self-actualization? It’s a good unit of measurement for the things I like to do (three mono.s is around an hour and 15 minutes)! And about 6/7 of a mono. to walk to the duck pond I live near... 18/7 for the total..

A lot of the songs that RM makes as a solo act feel like they’re putting my loneliness into words, in turn making me feel less lonely. An Oh. I’m not alone in feeling what I feel. 

Right now, I’m overwhelmed with the lyrics in Life, a song off of his first project, which is self-titled. Why would there be no antonym of loneliness? Perhaps it’s because we never have a moment of no-loneliness until we die (translated from the Korean lyrics 외로움의 반대말은 왜 없을까 / 사람은 죽을 때까지 안 외로울 때가 없어서일지 몰라 via https://doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com/2018/06/28/life/). My mind always go to this lyric when writing and thinking about my loneliness and my ever-present desire for companionship. 

His song Reflection I think perfectly reflects the utility of his music in my life. It’s about the thoughts he has while at a park that he visits when he is overwhelmed or sad or both. Although I will genuinely listen to his music whenever, like as in to the what would you bring with you on a deserted island question I would bring mono. .... his music is perfect for these moments when I need to force myself to confront my thoughts. Journalling music! 

슬며시 다가와서 나의 손을 잡는 fear and the fear that gently approaches me and holds my hand

세상은 절망의 또 다른 이름 [ireum] The world is another name for despair

나의 키는 지구의 또 다른 지름 [jireum] My height is another diameter of Earth

나는 나의 모든 기쁨이자 시름 [sireum] I’m my whole happiness and my worries

매일 반복돼 날 향한 좋고 싫음 [sireum] They repeat every day, the likes and dislikes directed at myself *The above four lines end-rhyme (-reum).

(the above five lines copied from https://doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com/2018/06/16/reflection/)

I’m always struck by the rawness of his lyrics... like this fear that he writes about... what he writes gently approaches me and holds my hand! And my heart. And my soul. And my everything.... thank you....

There are many, many, many RM lyrics that I carry in my heart! And I could go on and on...

The song that I think is my favorite of his (at least, off of mono.) is called uhgood. The title in Korean is 어긋 (pronounced as uh-geut) which means: “(1) fall short of expectations and (2) miss each other (by taking different routes)” (quoted from https://doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com/2018/10/25/uhgood/). It’s really interesting that there is this contrast between the English title and the Korean title; uhgood is “good” yet uhgeut seems to be “bad.” 

Equal parts dreamlike (sound) and real (lyric), this song is so beautiful. To me, it is about the pains of self-discovery; My ideal and reality, they are too far apart. But, I still want to cross the bridge and reach me. The real me, the real me (translated from the Korean lyrics 내 이상과 현실 / 너무 멀고 먼 / 그래도 다리 건너 / 내게 닿고 싶어 / 진짜 내게 (yeah, yeah) / 진짜 내게 (yeah) via https://doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com/2018/10/25/uhgood/). 

*A note that there is sooo much that a simple translation like this can not capture. There are often translator’s notes that come with the lyrics. Such as, at the bottom of the lyrics quoted above, the translator mentions that due to “I” and “you” sounding similar in the Korean language, one could hear the above lyrics as being second-person instead of first-person. Again, the relatability! This is part of why this song touches my heart so much. 

A lot of his songs talk about self-hatred, like Reflection, which repeats the phrase “I wish I could love myself,” thus I am drawn towards his sentiments of hope. 

I can’t let go of me who I know as myself, because you, in my head, are so whole like this, because you are so perfect (translated from the Korean lyrics 내가 아는 나를 난 놓아줄 수가 없어 / 내 머릿속의 넌 이렇게 온전한데 / 완전한데 via https://doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com/2018/10/25/uhgood/, the translator notes that the “you” used here is the ideal “me” that RM is referencing).