#dontohfitzme

Jemma knew that agents who barely knew them wouldn't understand her friendship with Daisy, she knew that Daisy was busy with her inhuman team and not avoiding her, she visited whenever she could and knew that Jemma was comfortable when alone with Leo, but after accidentally eavesdropping them she found that her heart didn't care about rationality. She didn't care about anything at all. So after a long crying - she might not be sure she was really there but the pain felt real enough - she came back to her room where she knew Leo to be asleep, having dozed off on the armchair hours before, and instead of going to her bed she sat at the feet of the armchair he occupied, wanting to be close to someone she trusted not to hurt her. She was so tired between meds and crying that she fell asleep soon after, with her head resting against his knee.

Her intake of breath was loud, she knew it but she couldn’t help it, too caught up in what he had just said in the way that only a confident Fitz could get from her. She turned her head to look at him in the eyes, or tried, her gaze falling immediately on his lips as her own parted but she wasn’t able to make another sound, not yet, her mind going silent like it always did when he teased her, let alone now. “Do you?” she whispered breathlessly, and that was all she could get out, mind still blank. 

                   “I’ve----I’vegot things t---to say...” Pain wrenched at his chest as he let the words out,both from the emotional TURMOIL it brought upon him and the physical EXERTIONit caused to his already weakening body. But he knew he HAD to tell Fitz all ofthese things. He wasn’t ready to go, but perhaps after he’d said them, he mightbegin to be.

And then she had gotten hurt. The pain in her voice reminded her of the scars on her back. The horror, the fear, made her realize it was a bad idea to listen as soon as she started to speak of the creatures that had attacked her at night - she had woken when one had started bloody eating her, leaving the marks on the side that Fitz had seen, injecting some sort of toxin that would have kept her from noticing if she hadn't been lucky - but by then Jemma couldn't stop, any pretense to be writing down new data gone, and she heard her past self sob about not being able to take it anymore. She mentioned the plant holding her wrist too, and how she had almost started cutting her hand off to free herself but another creature had arrived and gotten eaten first, making the vines let go, her voice shaking but resolute, harsher. And then, of course, the despair. "This is hell..." Closing her eyes, she heard herself beg for Fitz to come after that, more or less delirious by then, and barely remembered those first words to be caused by the blood loss, the last wounds she had gotten all over her abdomen, the rest of the registration nothing that she could recall saying: pleading to die, pleading to be saved, pleading for Fitz because she didn't want to go like that, she was scared and wanted to go home. Promising - bargaining - that she wouldn’t disappoint him anymore, that she wouldn’t hide things from him, that she would do things right if he could just get her out of there. Apologizing, because it was all her fault. Getting mad at herself, at the Monolith, at Coulson, at that planet. Laughing, because what else could she do? And then afraid, because it was getting even darker and the creatures would come and she had to move, drag herself away from there.  More lucid, short recordings, her voice tired, until the last one, in which she sounded almost normal. “The battery is almost... over. This is it. I don’t think you’ll ever hear these messages, which is probably for the best... but in the event of anyone ever finding this phone, Fitz... I love you. I really do. I am so sorry... I wish we had had more time... I really wanted to go to that dinner... But hey, talking to you like this... it kept me going. You always made me want to keep fighting, you always gave me hope... you are my hero. My best friend. More than that. And I know you won’t give up on finding me easily, but I still hope you’ll find in yourself the strength to move on, live life for me too. I want you happy, Fitz. More than anything. And I love you. I love you.”  A click and it was over. Jemma didn’t even realize she was crying again.  

“Yeah…you’re going to have to repeat that” Clara exclaimed, ruffling her hair slightly with the tips of her fingers as she looked at the figure in front of her with a slight confused look, clicking her rarely worn heels together. It wasn’t much like the brunette to miss or even ignore what someone had said, but it seemed in recent events her mind was elsewhere.