#doitformark

Today has been a good day. I spent most of today sleeping, but once I was up and about I was fine. Me and my best friend had a game on Ark for a few hours, then spent the rest of the night on my over-modded clusterfuck of a game called Sims 3, where we're going to recreate Black Meadow Centre, a fictional stables that we made up 2 years ago and forgot about... until now. I was stimming all afternoon today, even with my friend here, I still stimmed, earning a weird look from her. I flapped, paced, rocked, fidgeted and made random noises at random times throughout the afternoon. I didn't hit myself today. The main reason is because my best friend is here and she rarely sees me in one of 'those' moods. I kept that in mind, and was on my best behaviour all afternoon. I am on my own tomorrow at the stables, as Meg has gone away for half term... she left me! How dare she?! ... nah, I'm kidding. :') Bring it on! :') #DoItForMark

Well... it happened. I had a mini-meltdown because I couldn't get my words out properly and constantly tripped over my words, but luckily the lecturer understood and tried her best to calm me down... I was hoping it wouldn't happen, but it did. I couldn't stim that much today as it was a full day at college. I did spend a few minutes at home flapping my hands and pacing, before printing off extra work... With great difficulty. When I got home, I spent a few hours to myself, flapping, pacing, humming and singing whilst playing my over-modded clusterfuck of a game called Sims 3. I did watch Jess's new AnimeSMR videos soon as I got back from college, as I was still on edge after what happened... but I'm calm now. I find it easy to stim to her videos as they're calming... and that makes me sound weird doesn't it? :/ I did hit myself today... During the little episode at college. I am not pleased about that, but it's part of my life sometimes. I hate it, of course I do, but I can't get rid of it. I am calm now, what has happened has happened, and I don't want to think about what happened. I feel like I failed. It's a long hard road, but I will keep fighting. My best friend is coming over tomorrow. Haven't seen her in a while. Bring it on! :3 #DoItForMark

It would appear that winter has come early... especially in this fecking house anyway! Even with two hoodies, a thick teeshirt, some thermal leggings and jeans on, I just about kept warm today. The reason why the house is so cold? Our boiler has stopped working properly and we can't find anyone to fix it. -.-' With the layers on, I did find it hard to do some of the stims that I do. But I was able to flap, bob in my seat, pace and moan (like literal whale noises) and complain how cold it was. But straight after the whale noises, I would sing and hum away while I spoke to my best friend on Facebook. Also, all the layers made me happy, because of the pressure it was creating, pressure that can also be created when being wrapped up tight in a blanket. I didn't hit myself today. The added layers I had on today really helped me calm down. If I could tomorrow, I'd wrap myself up in a blanket and watch Markiplier’s and JackSepticEye’s videos. As you can see, I am in a good mood at the moment, watching Markiplier's videos whilst trying to get my mind off of a one-to-one with my lecturer tomorrow... its nothing bad, I should know that by now. It's just part of the assignment. Hopefully I don't meltdown tomorrow because of nerves and not being able to get words out quickly enough for the lecturer. I'm genuinely scared... what if I shutdown instead? D': I'm going to try and keep calm tomorrow... wish me luck... :) #DoItForMark

Today was a busy day for me. I was catching up with coursework, putting my clothes away, going to the shops to get my Kerrang magazine, then winding down watching some Markiplier videos whilst going coursework again. I just recently got off Ark: Survival Evolved, where I have finally tamed something stronger than a dodo, which is a level 21 Parasaur! It took a bugger load of berries and took up about half an hour to tame... but it's worth it. :') I was stimming at random intervals today. I was more stimmy in the evening, when I wasn't doing much. I was extremely active when I was on Ark for some reason... perhaps it's because it's got one of my old special interests, which hasn't seem to have died, in it. Anyway flapping, rocking, bobbing in my seat, and making noises to myself were my main stims today. I didn't hit myself today. There were times when I wanted to, and those times were when the computer wouldn't cooperate with me. I fought against the urge, and I'm in a better mood now. Think good thoughts and no harm will come to you... famous last words and singlehandedly the worst advice I'll ever give. I am feeling good right now. More coursework to do tomorrow... research assignments are really draining and misleading... I think I've gone wrong somewhere... But still, need to get tomorrow out of the way first... Bring it on! :3 #DoItForMark

Today went well, I spent an hour and forty-five minutes with my friend on her birthday, and all we did was sat on her bedroom floor goofing around and watching JackSepticEye create whacky bridges, Michael rage quit at The Impossible Game and Markiplier play GTA Online with his friends. I have a feeling that she liked her teeshirt... and when I got home, I played some more Ark: Survival Evolved with Laura and we got a dodo(!) and instantly got it killed by a sarco.... -.-' I did get to stim today. All the flapping, pacing, singing and humming was done today. I also spent the morning spinning on the computer chair as I was trying to motivate myself to work before I went to see my friend. I didn't hit myself today. I wasn't that stressed out. I was nibbling on my nails when I was trying to find a bag for Meg's present (which I had no luck in finding), but I have calmed down now. Also! One last thing! I have a feeling that echolalia also happens when I write... because when I was writing my friend's card, I was watching one of JackSepticEye's videos... I ended up writing the entire intro to the video (up until the name of the game he was playing) and at first I was thinking '...shiiiiit....' but then thought 'I can work with this...' And wrote little messages from Jack and Mark to Meg... i dont have a problem, I swear! It cheered her up, so let me have this! :') Tomorrow is another day full of coursework and procrastination. Bring it on. :') #DoItForMark

Well, guess what! The sore throat is back to annoy me. Yay. And I am having trouble sleeping because of it. I also spent a ridiculous amount of time on Ark: Survival Evolved with the best friend, and I'm not saying how many times we died because we kept letting our guards down. I did stim today. I got some brand new PJs from my aunt and I spent a few hours, before my sister showed up, smelling the top-half of the PJ set.. I know... weird... I also stimmed when I was at home, and that was the typical flapping, pacing, bobbing up and down on the couch, and humming and singing to myself. I didn't hit myself today! I am in a better mood because I got a decent amount of sleep last night. And being in a good mood means less chance of SIB episodes. But now I am off to bed as I need to be ready to see my friend for her birthday tomorrow. I hope she likes her birthday present... Bring it on! :D #DoItForMark

Bring on tomorrow! #DoItForMark

I am a weak, weak girl when it comes to games that I really want. Especially when my best friend says that she has a game that I really wanted for a while. That game is Ark: Survival Evolved. It was £30 and I was trying to convince my parents to let me buy it, what I was thinking was "I'm sure my bank account won't miss £30..." and when my parents allowed me to have it, of course I was a happy girly. I did think that I grew out of the dinosaur phase by now... apparently not! :') I spent today stimming, it was a mixture of positive-stimming and negative-stimming... Positive-stimming is the flapping, rocking, pacing and humming to keep me happy, whereas negative-stimming is the biting, slapping, head-banging and screaming that indicates that I am not a happy bunny at all. I have to say that it was mostly the positive-stimming I was doing during the evening, with the more.... aggressive behaviour... happening in the morning... Negative-stimming is also known at self-injurious behaviour... so yeah, I did partake in some SIB today. I don't like it when I have the SIB episodes, but thanks to my best friend who helped calm me down, I am in a much better mood. Thank you so much Laura! :3 So yeah... SIB episode is long gone, and I'm in a happier mood. I'm going to sleep now as I have an early start tomorrow. Bring it on! (Hopefully I wake up before quarter to 9 this time!) :') #DoItForMark