#dog forums

If you're a first time dog owner looking for tips, or an experienced dog owner who wants to research something new, the internet is a valuable resource.

If you need to find out something specific that isn't answered to your satisfaction elsewhere, or you just happen to be a fan of being patronised, you'll likely join a dog related forum.

Ok, I do want to go on record as saying these forums can be extremely useful, and Im not telling anyone not to use them if they so wish. I used them extensively when Dresden was younger, and I did pick up some invaluable advice that I probably wouldn't have gotten elsewhere.

But it is specifically because I've used dog forums so extensively that I feel the need to write this.

While you can glean a huge amount of useful information and advice from them, you also should be aware that you usually have to wade through mountains of bullshit before you happen upon these gems.

There are a handful of different types of irritating people who post on dog forums, and regardless of which forum you use, they all always seem to be represented. I won't even name the forums I've been on; there's no point, they're all basically the same.

The first type of person is someone I've found on every single dog related forum I've ever posted or lurked at. On some forums, I'd go as far as to say 50% of the posters qualify as this type: The Judgemental Asshole

The Judgemental Asshole has perfect dogs. His dogs never misbehave in any way whatsoever, and they never have. And its because he's such a devoted and hard working trainer who puts far more effort into every aspect of his dog's life than you do. He's better than you, you see. 

His immediate response to any problem you ask for advice on is that its your fault, and you should feel bad. Whatever undesirable behaviour your dog is exhibiting, its because you have failed, you're a horrible owner and you should take your dog to a shelter right now where it would be far better off. He rarely actually gives any real advice to help the issue, he just pops in to berate you for how hard you've failed and how crap of an owner you must be, and how that would never have happened if he owned your dog. He doesn't know your dog personally, and he probably hasn't even ever owned or worked with your breed. But that doesn't matter, and anyone who points out breed differences is just making excuses for their shoddy dog rearing. Often, people like this manage to go unchallenged and a lot of forum users will brown nose them excessively, hoping to appear like elite dog handlers themselves just via association. If someone does dare to mention that the Judgemental Asshole's approach is perhaps a little severe, they will come out with something along the lines of 'I just care about the dog'. This, of course, is bullshit. If they cared about the dog, they would provide helpful advice, but, as mentioned, they rarely if ever do. There is only one thing this person cares about, and thats their ego. They don't care about your dog, they just want to ensure you go away feeling like the terrible owner you are.

The next sort you'll likely come across is The Rescue Nazi. These are the people who believe that anyone who wants a dog must get a rescue dog; if you dare to get a dog from a breeder instead, you are Satan and should be ashamed of yourself. These people also have a problem with pure bred dogs, full stop. Usually, they've watched Pedigree Dogs Exposed and decided all pure bred dogs are train wrecks with short life spans and constant medical issues, and the only 'healthy' dog is a mutt. They're often heard parroting the lines 'cross breeds have fewer health issues!' or mentioning those words we all love to hear: 'hybrid vigour'. To this person, anyone opting for a breeder puppy rather than a shelter mutt just 'doesn't get it', so they make sure they tell you how many dogs get euthanized in shelters and rescue centres every day, and ensure you are aware that you are part of the problem, you bastard. They are not even interested in hearing your reasons for opting for a breeder dog over a rescue, because none of them are valid. It doesn't matter if you were looking for a specific type of dog, or a dog to do a specific job, or a rescue wouldn't consider you because of your lifestyle, or you wanted a dog from health tested lines: what you want in a dog and what kind of dog suits you best doesn't matter and you should be ashamed for having any specifications. These people are quick to try and convert anyone who is interested in a breeder puppy, throwing out as much empty rhetoric as they can to persuade you that shelters are basically doggy candy stores stocked to the brims with every single breed ever created, and the kind of dog you want is right there, right now. If you dare to mention that you're looking for a specific breed that is virtually never found in rescue, they will contest your desire for a specific breed, and tell you how selfish you are for wanting a certain type of dog. How dare you have preferences and be clued up on what breed traits suit you and which don't? I mean, its not like hundreds of dogs end up in shelters in the first place because people didn't research the right breed for them to begin with........ Bottom line, a dog is a dog and you should be bloody happy to have anything, and if you have any kind of specifications on what you want from the animal, you're an ignorant selfish dick who needs to go work at a shelter for a while and watch a few innocent puppies being put to sleep, then maybe you'll realise how evil you are for wanting a dog that fits your requirements best.

Keep your eyes peeled for self righteous phrases like 'my favourite breed is rescued!' or 'Rescue dogs love you more!'

Next up, we have the Dominance Obsessives. Despite the fact that dominance theory in dogs has long been discredited, these people continue to soldier on in the belief, because the idea of dominance is very convenient and appealing for them. If someone chooses to believe that dogs are constantly plotting to overthrow and challenge their owners, then it means that any behavioural issue their dog shows can be attributed directly to that, and they don't have to actually do any real thinking. Food possessive dog? Dominance. Humping dog? Dominance. Dog wants to get on the sofa with you? Dominance. Pulling on the lead? Dominance. Dog wants some fuss and attention? Dominance. Dog cries to go out for a wee? Dominane.

Well, you see my point. Once someone believes in dominance theory, it can be nicely slotted in to explain pretty much every single dog behavioural issue that ever arises. This means they don't ever have to look too deeply into why the dog is really behaving that way, and they don't have to actually, y'know, think. If you want to see dominance in a dog, you'll see it, even if you have to turn your head and squint. Its also an enormous ego boost to a certain type of person to think that they are the 'pack leader'. They've probably never achieved a position of power in any other area of their life, but dammit they're going to ensure they have it over a dog.

They enjoy physical or aggressive methods of discipline, like alpha rolling, smacking, lead jerking, choke chains/prong collars, E-collars, or whatever else they can use to terrify a dog into obeying them. Certain breeds tend to be victims of the dominance obsessive more than others, and these are usually big strong breeds, like dobermans, german shepherds, rotties and so on, ie, the breeds that will make someone feel most powerful to be 'pack leader' over. I don't often see these types of people proudly proclaiming how much they are the pack leader of their chihuahua or bichon, because thats not going to stroke the old ego any, is it?

Thankfully, on general dog forums, the dominance obsessives are usually not taken too seriously. Most educated dog owners are now aware of how inaccurate dominance theory is, and how damaging it can be to someone's relationship with their dog. But still, for some reason, Dominance theory refuses to die, and you're always going to find someone spewing it on a dog forum. And on forums for certain breeds, it can even be the majority view. Sadly, Dobermans are one such breed. It is virtually impossible to read any Doberman forum for more than 5 minutes without hearing the word dominance, and/or seeing it given as the cause of a behavioural issue.....any behavioural issue. 

The biggest issue with dogs forums (and honestly, any animal forum) is that a large percentage of the posters seem to be unable to accept that other people are capable of making informed decisions on what is best for their animal themselves. These people don't know your dog, but they're pretty sure they know what is best for him, certainly more than you do.

If you actually want to remain on dog forums without tearing your hair out, you will need to learn to use them like a bag of Haribo: pick out the bits you like, leave the rest. If you try to consume the entire lot at once, you're probably going to feel sick. People posting on forums are not experts, nor are they the authority on dogs. They're just people with opinions, maybe some anecdotes of personal experiences. If they were the dog oracle so many of them seem to think themselves to be, they would be highly rated, very busy, professional behaviourists who are charging for their services. They're not. They're people sitting at home on-line typing stuff about dogs they've never even met.

Sadly, many dog forums can make new posters feel intensely unwelcome, just by one or more of the above types sticking their oar in.