#doflaming

Doflamingo is a horrible man, I will never deny that, but he is hot, therefore I will forgive the fact he has a page and a half of crimes that would make the convention cry. I am instead, going to go into depth on the different ways I, a humble simp, would fix this man.

Because, as stated before, I can fix him.

Attempt to fix 1; handholding

This man has some nice hands. Hands that would both make an excellent necklace and to hold my own. Now, let’s keep in mind this is a BIG man. A tall man, with very nice hands.

Hands that have probably never been properly held.

I’m talking like, link the fingers, stroke the thumb over the back of the palm type of handholding. As in, you’re into it type of handholding. Why? Because who in their right mind would attempt to hold this man’s hands considering that is one of the most dangerous parts of him?

Well, I would.

Attempt 2; Therapy

This man had a fucked up childhood. I will not excuse that he was an asshole of a kid, but he also grew up in an environment of assholes that pushed him to be an asshole. His father DID try to help him, and lord did he try, but he pushed his family into an environment that sadly would never accept them, thus Dofy was pushed into a hostile environment. One that he was doomed to have never recovered in even if he had a change of heart from his father.

Then his entire life he spent tangled up between the two worlds that could never accept who he is. His name and his bloodline cursed him to live in a world he was no longer accepted in.

Thus, he needs therapy. Bad. Now, would the therapist survive this session with him considering what that therapist would need to say to him? Possibly not. But at least it’s an attempt.

Attempt 3: A hug

I’m talking that full-body, throw yourself into them hug. The ‘I’m happy to see you it feels like it’s been foreve’ types of hugs he’s probably never had. Not a pity hug or a forced “I’m afraid you’ll decapitate me if I don’t” type of hugs, but a full one “I love you” hug. 

Like, it would be hard considering how tall he is and that he’s on top of a high horse regardless, but they make stepping stools for a reason and I’m not above standing on a rolling chair just to hug this man.

Attempt 4: A nice homemade meal

Everything this man has ate has either been scraps from when his family was chased down, or luxurious meals that this man probably had someone else make. When is the last time he’s actually had someone make him a nice hearty soup, huh? How about just a grilled cheese; I bet he would enjoy that.

I’m just saying, it’s hard to be angry and uptight when someone makes you a nice, personalized meal from their heart. Most of the time.

Attempt 5: The most important; fuck him

Look, I started this by saying I’m down bad.

And I will be the first to say this man needs to get fucked. Not fucked as in someone from Dressrossa under his ruling comes to his needs when he requires them met, no I mean someone wines and dines this man and takes him to bed and fucks him. Hardcore, possibly a safeword, threats of death, and lots and lots of strange positions he would put you in. Fuck this man like your life depends on it and how could he ever be evil again if he’s too tired? Who has time after a marathon of positions to be evil?

Then again, he has a lot of stamina, so maybe this would end badly.

In conclusion