| it’s too late | (dokyeom)
*tried something different. it’s depressing, this is your fair warning🤧*
DK Pov:
the rain slamming into the windshield is still somehow not loud enough to snap me out of my thoughts. the threatening grey cloud was behind me when i slammed my car door and drove away hours ago, and since then the sun has set and the gates of hell have opened up. i squint my eyes as the lights from the passing cars blind me, their shapes disappearing and only bright orbs remain. i should slow down, 95 mph is too fast in these conditions, i know that. my foot has other plans, being driven by my outraged mind. it continues pushing down on the gas pedal.
the fight replays like a film in my head, every moment torturing me in perfect detail. her raised voice ringing in my ears, and the words sticking to my heart like thorns. it all got out of hand so fast. i didn't even have time to think, only throw out rash words and reactions back.
a loud ding rips through the car, the light from my phone lighting up my face. its from her, i read the preview.
'please just come home, you're scaring me. its not safe out there'
funny. now she's going to care about me? i don't know why its possible now but wasn't possible for the last few months. she's felt like a ghost, like she's been right in front of me but so incredibly out of reach. a chill followed wherever she went, the warmth she used to provide me being stripped from my life without any warning. no acknowledgment. no apologies. just a ghost left among the living. i zone out again.
~~~
"i have been here! i've been here the whole fucking time!" she yells.
liar.
"you left a long time ago. i don't even know you anymore y/n! you come home from work and its quiet dinner alone, then lights out. you spend your weekends working or with your friends. you never ask about my day despite me constantly caring about yours. theres no more going on dates and no more coming home to sweet surprises on the kitchen counter. you don't come to watch my practices anymore. you don't ask about the guys or how they're doing, even though they are everything to me and you know that 95% of my daily life is with them. its like you never want to be alone with me. you barely even touch me! jesus do you even love me anymore?" i yell.
"of course i fucking do! i have other things to do besides sit here all day and dote over you dokyeom, i'm sorry if that upsets you" she scoffs, throwing her hands up.
"you used to love hanging out with me. you used to be the most romantic person i had ever met, all my friends were so happy for me that i finally found someone who wanted that as much as i did. now they keep asking me if we are even together anymore. i don't understand what happened. why am i invisible now?"
"maybe you should just tell them we aren't together anymore then, make it easier for them" she replies, her eyes turning a dark shade i've never seen before. i don't know where she's gone, but she's not the woman i fell in love with. i know she's still in there somewhere.
is this really it? just like that?
~~~
the rain pours down harder, if that's even possible. the wheels no longer have a grip on the ground, but for some reason i can't seem to care. just keep driving, i think. just keep driving until everything goes away. life's been hurting too much. i would prefer numbness at this point. constantly having to be the happy one is exhausting. being the one who lightens up the mood. the one who checks on everyone else before myself. the one who goes home to a girlfriend who has nothing to give me anymore.
i'm alone.
the wheel jerks in my hands, my heart races, but i gain control quickly.
another text chimes in. if its her, i don't want to read it. but my eyes dart over to the name.
seungkwan.
i smile blissfully for a moment. they are something worth living for. the memories i've had with them swirl through my head. i grew up with them, i came alive with them. they are everything i have. when y/n's light left my life, theirs never dimmed. live for them, i think.
why is your location off? y/n is freaking out.
another chime.
okay, WE'RE freaking out! all of us. please come home you're scaring us a lot
despite all my efforts, i'm sure they have noticed my aura being off recently. my smiles appear a little less, my jokes being few and far between. i try to keep them happy as best i can, but i'm sinking as i do so. i'm drowning while keeping everyone else afloat.
y/n.
my second other half of me.
my mind drifts to the years of memories we've had before the last few agonizing months. they were perfect, absolutely perfect. she showed me parts of myself i never knew i had. my blood is still boiling, but my lips curve up against their will. i love her so much.
but she doesn't love me anymore. she ended it. all those years and growth gone in a minute.
the car slides over the rain, a car beeps at me when i cross over to their lane.
a new sound rings out from my phone. y'n is calling me. my hand reaches up to answer before my brain can aid me against it.
immediately she speaks, her voice straining and hoarse in a way i've never heard before.
"baby? baby oh my god thank god you fucking answered. where are you? i'm so sorry baby please just come back. let's talk. i don't want to lose you, i love you so much. please come home baby" she cries. from the tone in her voice i can tell she's scared for me. for my mental state. for my impulsivity that sometimes gets the best of me.
the rain is so loud that even over it hitting my car i can hear it pounding on our roof at home through the phone.
our home. the safest place in the world. i won't leave her there alone. we can fix this. this is not going to be one of those moments where i give up. where i take the easy way out.
"i'm coming home" i breath out, forcing myself into the decision. tears threaten my eyes. my throat tightens.
i turn the car around as quickly as i can, speeding up as i head back home. i go even faster now, i can't wait any longer. i'm tired of running. from myself, from her, from everything.
she's still on the phone. neither of us wants to hang up.
it's quiet.
the rain is so heavy that the windshield wipers can't keep up. i can't see. i can't see anything.
pull over. fucking pull over! i don't want to die anymore, i think.
bright lights shine through the window, penetrating the rain drops. i can't even tell where they are coming from.
i squint. i keep driving. i just want to go home.
the lights are brighter now, closer. the rain lets up for a second, and the windshield wipers catch up. the window is clear.
the sound of a horn being laid on pierces my ears. a truck is in front of me. directly in front of me. in my lane.
i don't make a sound, i don't do anything. i can't do anything.
the impact feels like something i could have never even imagined in my worst nightmares. the car spins repeatedly over and over, the sound of the rain luring me into the darkness. then the pain goes away. i feel nothing. i'm numb. god i wish i didn't wish for this numbness. i take it back! is it too late to take it back?
the image of y'n flashes in front of my eyes. i smile once more.
i'm sorry, baby.
everything's black. everything's silent.
"dokyeom?? dokyeom answer me. answer me please! baby! no. NO!!!!" her screams echo through the phone.
it is too late.
