Tales of Slud, Prologue, Part 3 - "On the lamentable fate of Philosophers and Historians"

  The Philosophers are a group which developed as a subordinate class among the followers and colleagues of Grankh the Pompous, that is to say, the scientists of Society. The Philosophers, they who trace their lineage backwards (or forwards) to such people as Russel the Distracted and Socraplataristo the Demagogue, the first Philosophers, have a very dangerous job.

Subtitle: "Russell the Distracted, first known Philosopher on Slud (the Planet), shown here with a rather distracted and vaguely disinterested air of pompousness, because he was totally trying to think out some solutions to a problem you totally wouldn't understand..."

For you see, it is an unfortunate side-effect of the study of philosophy that a philosopher might be in the middle of reciting a great work, expounding  upon the empirical differences between “right” and “good”, when all of a sudden, for no conceivable reason, they spontaneously explode into a chunky goulash of blood, flesh, and bone, and utterly perish.

No one has been able to figure out why this strange, tragically regular phenomenon happens, but every Philosopher on Slud (the Planet) appears to ultimately meet with this strange fate at some point during their career, and while some are silenced before they are able to make an impact, others do not explode until they are well established as great philosophical minds, with all sorts of written works of philosophy completed in their names.

It is never really known when a Philosopher will explode, but common observation appears to indicate that he or she will explode. Many have wondered if perhaps the exploding of Philosophers were an unfortunate side-effect of the fact that Time started in the middle instead of the beginning, but they generally tend not to delve too deeply into the question, so as not to face the possibility of, themselves, exploding like the Philosophers.           

The explosion of Philosophers happens so frequently upon Slud (the Planet) that whole branches of study have arisen that are devoted to the strange phenomenon. Scientists of the world have even crafted a specific term for the occurrence. They call it Sophiasplosion, and it is seen as a serious problem among the Philosopher and Historian communities, although many among the scientific community have pointed out that the Philosophers and the Historians might be somewhat biased, considering that they are more likely to be injured or killed in such explosions than members of any other group are.           

Another group which also developed within the scientific community was the Historians, as has already been mentioned. These people had an admirable goal, to be certain. They wanted to find out what really happened during the course of a given event, and write it all down, so that people who came along later (or earlier) would know what happened before (or after)  they were born. Unfortunately for them, they also tend to be very good friends with the Philosophers, with whom they get along with quite well, so whenever the Philosophers happen to fall victim to their exploding fate, Historians are oftentimes nearby, and are as a result of physics, lamentably caught up in the explosions which claim the Philosophers.           

It should be noted that the author of this document is himself both a philosopher and a historian, and he might have cause to worry somewhat, if philosophers and historians meet the same fate on his world as they do upon Slud (the Planet).           

Subtitle: "Tinc the Revisionist, first known Historian on Slud (the Planet), shown here as a stone bust from the Prydean Classical Period. He was also known as "Tinc of the Badly-Drawn-Mustache and Monacle". He was one of the relative few Historians to escape being caught up in the sophiasplosion of philosopher friends, for the simple fact that he HAD no friends. At least, no non-imaginary friends."

  Of course, not all philosophers and historians get caught in these explosions before they are able to publish works of philosophy or history. Some are, indeed, able to pass on some of their knowledge to other generations, and it is these documents of philosophy and history which have survived the explosive conflagration of their authors that constitute human philosophical and historical understanding on Slud (the Planet).           

The author inserts this side-elaboration upon the subject of Philosophers and Historians because, as a Philosopher and a Historian himself, he understands that he very well might one day also explode as a consequence of his obsessive interest in Philosophy, and so if this document happens to end abruptly and not at all in the manner that it should, it is probably to be assumed that the author has exploded, and is no longer able to write any furth-- 

KABOOM! 

(Sorry, that's just the author's idea of a joke. He hasn't really sophiasploded. Yet.)