#divinare

In view of tomorrow's Libra Full moon, I decided to do an intuitive reading to help you navigate your moments of reflection, inspiration and healing for the month of April. This is based on Sun and Moon signs, however this is not a transit-based horoscope but a reading that channels the collective energies and emotional landscape when it comes to love and relationships. Take only what resonates, leave what does not. This is for the people that are single but not only. This is for those that are hurt or were hurt recently, those that feel like they’ve been stuck in patterns... This is also for people for whom love feels unfamiliar or unattainable.

This is for entertainment purposes only. I’m happy to answer any questions or guidance based on your chart only. I do not offer personal readings anymore.

OVERALL ENERGY : Usually I do not do an overall section, but one thing that I noticed is that regardless of any blockages or emotional luggage that you are currently carrying, there is a collective recognition that love is not as distant as it once felt. There’s a hunger for “love”, connection and community in ways that I have not felt in a long time, and I wonder if it's a response to what’s currently happening in the world. One specific message kept repeating so I’m leaving this one out there, it might strongly resonate with Cardinal signs (especially Aries) : there’s either a fear around financial security. Whether it manifests as fear of lack or unconscious over-spending, please ground yourself, and act with intention rather than impulse, and definitely save money this month.

ARIES

You may have become someone who cannot or refuses to open up their heart completely to others, a behavior that is stemming from mistrust, past betrayals, or possibly family issues. You don’t know how to be vulnerable with others and struggle to express your emotions.

For those of you who are in a relationship, there’s a strong desire to completely “own” your closest people and your significant other which always ends up creating toxic patterns and explosive outcomes. For some of you, it may be stemming from a past situation where you unconsciously started mirroring the Other (could have been a parent, friend, lover) who may have been overprotective, too controlling or possessive. You are clinging too tightly to what you have currently, but is it love or are you driven by a need for stability that is masking your fear of loss. You may be too afraid of letting go of people, especially the ones that make you feel “secure” and comfortable… 

Either way, Aries, consider whether these behaviors are truly healthy and benefiting you. If not, it's time to welcome change and foster emotional growth instead. 

Your inner child is asking you to let go of the past and remember what used to bring the most joy, was it truly dependent on your people? Start investing in your own self, you are called to have fun this month, do what you love, create, celebrate yourself, rediscover pleasure without attachment, have fun! There may be something very significant happening this April (and the summer) for you Aries, I'm just putting this out there for those who this may resonate with.

TAURUS

Are you guys bored? And does this boredom lead you to either be completely insufferable in your relationship or stay in a relationship that brings you no emotional fulfillment? 

Regardless if you’re dating somebody or not, there’s currently a sense of withdrawal here. Everything seems unsatisfying, boring, stagnant. Quite frankly, if you’re single, I see that you’re not even searching for anything serious at the moment. You may already know what is blocking you, be it old grudges, patterns, or resistance to change… For those that DO have someone right now, I see self-denial and self-sabotage tendencies and situations where you’re not seeing eye to eye with your partner (maybe regarding certain beliefs for example). You already know what’s currently blocking you here as you’re firmly holding on to negativity. The answers are within (you may have been seeing a lot of synchronicities lately, act upon them). Mediate, spend time alone, so you become more aware of your inner voice. Find yourself again, be in tune with your instinctual needs AND create more excitement in your life! Venus just entered Taurus, this can be a great time for you to bring back pleasure in your life. Sometimes this requires something as simple as trying a new dish or going on a small trip with a friend. 

GEMINI

Love may feel distant or unnecessary right now, driven by a desire for freedom or shaped by external expectations. You are currently not into committed relationships, are you Geminis? Well, some of you of course. There may in fact have been a lack of interest in lifelong commitments which may be stemming from a strong desire for self-exploration and a strong attachment to personal beliefs (take it as it resonates).

If you’re currently in a relationship and feel unfulfilled, you may need to stop asking yourself too many questions and start looking inward… I also see something about family here? You may always be looking for their approval or your family beliefs system/societal values are holding you back from exploring or connecting with people that could be deemed unfitting, from different backgrounds etc…

If none of this resonates with you, well good news! A lot of you have already been putting in mental work and efforts into healing yourself and becoming the better version of you…So I do see that some of you might meet someone that will bring you a lot of emotional and material fulfillment, especially for those that are looking for something stable and long lasting. Until then, you’re being asked to focus on building your legacy (I see a significant increase in abundance for some of you!) and nurturing your relationships (family, coworkers, friends), follow their guidance when necessary, they will play an important role for you this month.

CANCER

Oh Cancers, you have so much love to give but have a tendency of absorbing and internalizing other people’s energies, losing yourself in the process. You have a lot of emotional baggage that seems to keep you from living your life to the fullest, always thinking about others, sacrificing time and energy for your family, keeping everyone safe and satisfied..

Though for some of you, it seems you have decided to solely focus on your career right now, mostly because you are tired of waiting for “the One” after a long period of being lonely. There’s moments where you feel at peace with it and others where you’re confused and hurt about this situation of emotional stagnation and lack of connection with your nurturing qualities that seems completely out of your control. There’s also something that has been weighing on your minds for a few months now and it’s time to release that (as well as this unhealthy obsession of financial stability). You have everything that you need right now. Amidst this confusion and mental rollercoaster, try and look inward, and give yourself the love that you want before seeking it in another. 

Those of you that have done the work and are ready to offer your heart to someone, April has the chance to be a huge opportunity for new beginnings and opportunities for connection that will feel both nourishing and aligned. 

LEO

I’m a bit surprised at the messages that I’m getting. Leos, are you okay? There’s a wave of guilt, shame and inauthenticity that has been flooding your inner landscape. You may be feeling conflicted about love, perhaps even guarded in your emotions, cold, detached, embittered etc. Do I really want to be in a relationship? What the hell is love?

You’re holding on firmly to your independence at the moment, in an unhealthy manner. There may also be trust issues that you need to address (did you recently get cheated on? or maybe you’re scared of being vulnerable and immersing your own emotional needs with another?). Anyway, this is a very complex and tricky energy; you guys want freedom but there’s also a silent part of your soul that yearns for connection and understanding, you want to please the people around you but you can’t really balance it with your current ambitions.

For now, you need to be cautious of the people you meet (and there will be a lot this month, trust me) as these energies may be mirrored by the people that will enter your life, avoid dishonesty, selfishness and deception because it might get back to you. Find clarity within yourself and give yourself and others some grace. This is a time for evaluation and assessment. 

VIRGO 

First of all, there’s something that has been weighing on your mind. Things are moving quickly or you want things to move faster. You will get that thing that you want, be it a promotion, a raise, a trip?… but you need to practice more detachment and stop thinking about it so earnestly now.

You could be feeling overwhelmed by competing thoughts or emotions but your soul is now yearning for tranquility and understanding within yourself.

If the thing you’ve been wanting so badly is a person, you might need to have some serious conversations with them this month. There may be conflicts, competition, or insecurities around wanting attention and approval. Honest communication is essential here. Avoid suppressing feelings, as this may create even more tension or misunderstandings.

You are moving toward clarity, but it requires openness and emotional honesty. If you’ve been doing the hard work of expressing yourself authentically with your partner however, everything is clearing up soon. Allow space for healing, physical and mental, as you navigate your feelings and new opportunities with grace and joy.

LIBRA

You have not gotten the kind of love that you believe you deserve. You may be feeling overlooked, unappreciated, disconnected from your sense of worth. You feel like you lost your spark. But this moment calls for a shift in perspective: what you seek is closer than you think.

It’s the beginning of spring and what is needed right now is an attitude change. Remember that what you find attractive in the other is also a reflection of your own self. What you get is what you give. Be confident and more assertive.

For those that are currently in a relationship, you may feel neglected and again, this sense of insecurity or self-doubt is coming through, where you feel like you don’t meet your significant other’s expectations. Confront your own feelings and these insecurities with your partner in order to foster an environment where open communication and empathy can help you navigate this low phase of your life and in order to rebuild your confidence. Reconnect with beauty and nature, they hold inspiration for you now.

SCORPIO 

There’s a difficulty for you to connect authentically with the Other. You might have recently been told that you are “too much”, too intense, too jealous... There’s a disconnection and misalignment between your view of love and others, creating insecurities and a sense of disharmony. It’s a good time to take a step back and observe not only the people around but also yourself and ask that little voice in your head why you’re not so aligned with your circle, while you’re currently feeling left out, or struggling to find pure joy in love. Love is supposed to be fun, not just transformative and heavy.

There may also be underlying issues and emotional conflicts that reign in your heart as the people you thought were right for you are not so aligned with you anymore and I’m here to confirm that you’re destined for greater things. Observe and look inward, face these past wounds and your shadow side, and then you will reclaim your worth. You’re so lovable, Scorpio! If you’re already in a relationship, be wary of any third party situation.

SAGITTARIUS

There may be a tendency to avoid depth in favor of freedom, or to seek stimulation over stability. There are generally difficulties in establishing deep emotional connections with others here, a lack of commitment and dedication when it comes to matters of the heart… Instead of focusing on long term companionship, you may find yourself easily distracted by every new person.

While exploration is natural to you, clarity and honesty are essential, both with yourself and others. But remember, when you hold on too strongly to something, be it freedom or not, it may reveal deeper wounds as these patterns that you currently have may be stemming from your own early environment that might have been harsh/severe/isolating, shaping your approach to intimacy and resulting in this difficulty in maintaining a stable relationship… Sure, you don’t like monotony and stagnation, you tend to feel frustrated or bored and need to voice your needs to your partner if you’re currently in a relationship.

Either way, reflect on what you truly want, beyond distraction. Find a good balance between these needs for freedom and desires of true sincere connections.

CAPRICORN

You may be overwhelmed and perhaps even defeated when it comes to your inner emotions right now, leading to withdrawal or self-doubt. This lack of confidence is making you defensive, refusing to entertain new connections as you are hesitant to express or voice your feelings.

If you are in a relationship, you are currently wearing rose tinted glasses when it comes to love, and you’re definitely not seeing clearly when it comes to certain situations. You may be feeling overwhelmed or defensive so instead of constantly fighting off these inner feelings or any challenges that have come your way by yourself, consider embracing collaboration and support from others.

March is a good time for introspection; let go of self-doubt and insecurities. For some of you, there’s a third party situation here; family, other suitors, friends could be involved. April may be a month that will call for you to stand firm and assert yourself. Shift your perspective by viewing conflicts not as threats, but as chances to showcase your strengths. Stand firm in your truth while remaining open to growth.

AQUARIUS 

This is a healing moment in your life but there may still be blockages and restrictions in communication at this moment.  You will be closing a very difficult period of your life but you need to trust your intuition. You do not trust yourself enough and you go through a lot of struggles when it comes to expressing yourself and your emotional needs in a relationship. You may give off a detached air but you do care about what the Other thinks of you and want to be special in their eyes.

You need to learn how to voice your thoughts clearly instead of letting them fester your mind and self confidence and your ability to be honest and true to yourself. Be more optimistic and minimize outside chatter that drains you. Speak your truth clearly and reconnect with your inner voice.

PISCES 

Life feels full! Responsibilities, distractions, constant movement… You may be currently juggling between many duties and love may be the last thing on your mind… or is it? There may be someone that you cannot stop thinking about or you’re constantly daydreaming or fantasizing about a person (real or not).

Nonetheless, the first step for you to make room for new energy (love) to enter your life is to simply choose it and make the conscious decision of wanting it. Nothing is blocking you in love right now, you are a great manifestor and this April, you’re called to make efforts and tangible actions moving towards it.

For those in a relationship, there may be neglect from you or your partner, a certain imbalance that is creating unsaid tensions. Navigate your priorities right, be fair in how you prioritize practical and emotional responsibilities. You need to find the equilibrium that works for you. Take a moment to reassess what truly matters and prioritize your emotional well-being amidst the chaos surrounding you.

【✉ → The bae♥】Guess who just got their belly button pierced.

【✉ → The bae♥】{ IMG attached }

             2.17AM.

Ill. He felt ill— his back against the mattress in his room, chest heaving at the slowest speed, neck and forehead drenched in sweat. Fear held his eyelids down because what the fuck kind of monster is staring at me right now in the dark, I don’t want to know. It had been the fourth time the same night that he had woken up in terror. Those motherfucking nightmares. Headless and fingerless, sometimes legless, people crawling to his body and biting down on every part of his body, tearing off his limbs and toes to feed them all back to him. His muffled screams were not waking him up, rather, it seemed to be the weight of his severed parts splitting open his insides.

           Breathe in. 

His hand soon wandered down his shirt and under the hem of his pants. Jerk off until you knock out. But even the handling of his member had not rendered useful, the event of a few minutes ago still flashing clear in his mind. Resentment was slowly creeping up to his mind, sending an uncomfortable warmth all over his body- he needed to get rid of that before it consumed him. Throwing the blankets off, he stomped outside his room before placing an ear to his sister’s door. The oh so familiar shiver ran down his abdomen; his lips were formed into an almost full grin as the silence of her room filled his ears. And then it hit him— fucking school trip. The thorny warmth overwhelmed him once more as he threw his fist on her door, earning him a few curses on the way back to his room.

Rummaging through stashes of pornos to find that one where the girl moans and screams the loudest because of how much in pain she appears to be was useless. Haydn couldn’t find it, there wasn’t anything better and the tight feeling around his groin was starting to bother him more than it should’ve. And he suddenly remembered- Sam. That bitch offered herself. 

Conflicting thoughts crashed into his head as his fingers pressed onto the numbers of his cellphone. One half of him would’ve rather died than calling her and having her help him, but his other wasn’t even feeling an ounce of regret- the painful throbbing in his pants was louder than the voice of his heart and he soon brought the phone to his ear.

❝ — Sam, is this you?   — Please, can you come? I..I’m not feeling well at all.   — This is urgent, Sam. I feel like dying. I need you right now. ❞

                                                                                                                                     2015년 2월 12일

Dear Sam

God. Woman. You-- argh. 

Writing letters to you is the hardest shit ever, let me tell you. There is so much I could say about how I feel about you and how huge my love for you has gotten. But hah, how to find the right words for that? Besides, haven't I written enough letters to you? 

Seems like I have not.

Samantha my little devil, you are by far the best friend I could have ever wished for and even our stupid disputes every now and then could never be powerful enough to change that. You make me happy, make me smile and laugh 24/7 and honestly, I am so fucking gay for you it hurts. All my nine heads think of you only, everything I have in mind revolves around you. Damn girl, you go!

Three years it has been, three fucking years and it's going to be thirty even, I tell you. You and I are ridiculous, crazy bastards who belong to each other and by now I think that every single person on earth is aware of that. Remember all the times we've been mistaken for a couple? 'Are you and her actually a thing?' Hell yes, we're married. Have signed those papers 294729274 times just because we can, just because our love is as huge as that.

Do you also remember the times we've been chatting until late at night, the times when my father told me to go to bed and you just suggested for me to yell at him? I never did, never had the guts to do so, but you did not judge me for it. The following day you still greeted me all happily, all glad that I was there and we could finally be together again to fangirl over boys. Geez, I'm gonna shed a tear. Dear jesus, help me hold back those salty drips of water, they may not ruin this letter.

You know what's sad, though? That we never actually wrote a book about all our typos or made up words like we planned. It would've been so full until now and we could read through all the pages, laughing our butts off until midnight. But .. we don't need no typos to be overwhelmed by happiness. All we need is each other, right? ... See, so so gay. What have you done to me, gurl?

Now let me tell you my favourite memory, though. It's pretty recent, you will remember it for sure. Huehuehue. It's happened only a few days ago. Are you ready? Ready for my lil story? Because I am not, I'm laughing too hard to hold this pencil right here. Inhale, exhale, okay, I'm good.

My favourite memory is when you and I, god, when you and I fangirled over certain people. We ended up being thirsty little messes and looked at people fucking each other. Together. But what then happened, we will never forget, the sudden urge to listen to One Direction, the group that made the two of us meet up. Hot guys - Porn - One Direction. How on earth can we casually watch porn together but feel all awkward and uncomfortable after we listen to some 1D?  You and I, misses, we are strange creatures. But you know what? I love it. I love it as much as I love you. Unconditionally, endlessly.

Send me “★” and I will answer all of these