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momqueer said:I want giant Frankie cookies! And I want a precious little sister who listens and loves and protects! They are so sweet together. Also, shit, being sick must be sooo triggering. I wonder what happened when he got sick Thereā¦
I know - Frankie is the sweetest!Ā Ā
And being sick makes Jesus feel dissociated, which makes him feel like he is There again.Ā (And it also means potential medical intervention, which is also hella triggering, to use a Jesus word...)
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momqueer said:I love Lena in this chapter, and I love little Frankie. (How relieved am I that I can call her Frankie again? So relieved.) Also my heart caught at the word dumbass
Aw, yay!Ā Glad you love Lena and little Frankie.Ā And really?Ā I guess I like calling her Francesca because itās what she wants to be called.Ā Also, yes :(
momqueer said:Definitely! Iām thinking more too of what it was like for them as people not just as parents, like how they dealt behind closed doors. And during the actual abduction. But youāre right, we do see much if that in disuphere
There is.Ā I made a point to touch base with each member of the family, specifically in Disuphere so it was clear how everyone was coping - Moms included.Ā And in Blink, we know Stef is having terrible nightmares and really having a hard time coping.Ā (And at the end of Blink, in the journal Jesus finds?Ā We see a LOT more from Lena, and her inner thoughts re: when he was missing. <3Ā
momqueer said:I definitely didnāt mean for you to have to answer all these questions but I so appreciate that you did. Always giving me more to think about!
Itās becauseĀ I can tell youāre more musing about it than demanding an answer that I donāt mind answering, if that makes sense?
PS I sent you hula hooping cuteness <3Ā
momqueer said:Affect :) but yeah, my point was about how while obviously distinguishing between chronological and developmental age is some ableist BS, thereās some truth to the idea that people develop differently, and how do we talk about that in a way thatās respectful and accurately captures their experiences without minimizing their humanity? Like, how do we navigate people reacting different āmilestonesā at different times and what does it mean to be ātypicallyā developing vs atypical, etc etc
These are some great questions.Ā I donāt have all the answers, but I do think itās important to remember / recognize that soooo often we (disabled people) are measured against nondisabled people for theseĀ āmilestones.āĀ So we are automatically at a disadvantage.Ā Ā
Whereas if we are measured based on information from within our own communities?Ā We would not be viewed asĀ ābehindā etc.Ā Ā
I do think itās super important to not dismiss or ignore the existence of disability.Ā But acknowledge it in a way that your kid knows you respect them.Ā You understand how disability makes their body / mind work.
Friends of ours?Ā Mom is nondisabled - Daughter has CP.Ā For Christmas? Daughter got a hula hoop.Ā Grandpa (who gave it to her) kept pointing to her nondisabled sis and being like,Ā āDo it like that!Ā You need to practice!ā
Her mom was like - to Grandpa (her dad) -Ā āHer body doesnāt work like ours.Ā Itās harder for her to move like that.Ā It is going to take her some more time.āĀ It was said in a supportive way.Ā In a way that made it clear she understood the way CP affected her daughterās body.Ā She was defending her against unrealistic expectations / unfair demands.
(And by the end of the night?Ā She had that hula hoop down!)
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momqueer said:Right, no, parents are people and people make mistakes and the most important part is taking responsibility for your mistakes and fixing them or taking steps towards healing them. I was more thinking about the catch 22 of parenting where you want your kid to see you be human and fail so they know itās okay to be human and fail, but you also never want your kid to see you fail because you should always be putting them first.
I think an important thing here (that is often missed) is that kids need to be taught HOW to fail.Ā Not pushed toward it in any way, but taught what to do when you fail, so when they fail?Ā They know life can go on.Ā They will still be loved.Ā Life will still be okay.
momqueer said:That makes a lot of sense and is an angle I havenāt thought about but would love to explore more. How the trauma of the abduction affected the moms, and how they patented after it, etc. Could be a whole other story there!
I would argue that it IS explored, particularly in Disuphere and Blink, as we see them parenting post-trauma quite a bit in both of those stories.
momqueer said:Maybe Mariana? Because she is his twin and not a boy?
Yes, I think Mariana would be the ideal choice.
