momqueer said:Affect :) but yeah, my point was about how while obviously distinguishing between chronological and developmental age is some ableist BS, thereās some truth to the idea that people develop differently, and how do we talk about that in a way thatās respectful and accurately captures their experiences without minimizing their humanity? Like, how do we navigate people reacting different āmilestonesā at different times and what does it mean to be ātypicallyā developing vs atypical, etc etc
These are some great questions.Ā I donāt have all the answers, but I do think itās important to remember / recognize that soooo often we (disabled people) are measured against nondisabled people for theseĀ āmilestones.āĀ So we are automatically at a disadvantage.Ā Ā
Whereas if we are measured based on information from within our own communities?Ā We would not be viewed asĀ ābehindā etc.Ā Ā
I do think itās super important to not dismiss or ignore the existence of disability.Ā But acknowledge it in a way that your kid knows you respect them.Ā You understand how disability makes their body / mind work.
Friends of ours?Ā Mom is nondisabled - Daughter has CP.Ā For Christmas? Daughter got a hula hoop.Ā Grandpa (who gave it to her) kept pointing to her nondisabled sis and being like,Ā āDo it like that!Ā You need to practice!ā
Her mom was like - to Grandpa (her dad) -Ā āHer body doesnāt work like ours.Ā Itās harder for her to move like that.Ā It is going to take her some more time.āĀ It was said in a supportive way.Ā In a way that made it clear she understood the way CP affected her daughterās body.Ā She was defending her against unrealistic expectations / unfair demands.
(And by the end of the night?Ā She had that hula hoop down!)