#distantforamonth

Kitty

You know, ending my night with anger is one of those things I don't like to do. Luckily, I'm not the one angry tonight, but I also hate it when you're angry before I sleep.  I slept a lot today. I woke up around 7 to you calling, and I was so happy to have you talk to me. When you fell asleep around 10am, I watched the dark screen for a little bit before passing out till 2pm myself. I didn't realize I was tired enough to want to sleep that long. I ate twice today only cuz you wanted me to. I studied and reviewed a few questions and a small portion of the book. About medium when it comes to trying to be productive.  I managed to clean dishes and be an overall bum today. I guess I needed it.  Feeling awkward, because you seem inconsolable...  Kitty

Kitty

"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard" - Winnie the Pooh Today I ended up having a decently fine day at work. Worked hard.. got socked in the jaw by an old lady and accomplished the day's tasks with ease. Later when I got home I realized as I was watching you sleep, I'm too lazy to cook. So I tried inviting JC out and he wasn't able to go eat at first, you know what happened afterwards and I ended up going to eat with Remhar and him. I had an enjoyable time talking with the two. It was some good much needed catch up time with those two considering every time we hang out now it's usually cuz there is some sort of activity going on. So to not have that going on and sitting down and talking about all sorts of things was nice. It helped me get out some much needed talk relief and just allowed me to catch up with them. Often times I don't get much one one one time with either of them so to at least have some one on one time with one of my favorite bros was really good. I feel like sometimes being able to talk at ease with some of my friends I'm able to release some built up tension and find some solace in their presence.  Sometimes I wish we talked that much and I know you know this. I know it'll get there someday, just not right this minute. But having these talks with others that are close helps strengthen my patience to wait for these sorts of talks with you.  We talked about all sorts of things from family, to the past, to how we felt about certain people at current. Sort of analyzing our lives and kind of giving feedback which I appreciate from JC a lot. I think it's good to have those talks every now and then.  We went to AFK E&E and afterwards drove to Southcenter to drop Rem and then headed to Walmart where we browsed the men's section and the electronics section. I almost bought the old school Ninja Turtles movies but couldn't find the third one which highly disappointed me. Oh well, another time, another place.  Thanks for encouraging me to get out and go chill, I enjoyed it tonight. I know I'm just gonna turtle up in the room and study for the next few days but it was good to get this breather in and allow myself to bond and chill, because it was definitely long over due for some one on one time to sit and talk.  Missing being able to tell you this kind of stuff in person, and talking with you until we sleep,  Kitty

You might find this hard to believe but without you around I don't quite feel like leaving the apartment or the room unless it is really important. You know like my usual Sundays with family or if I need to get money or food or work. I just don't enjoy leaving. I'd rather curl up or study than go out and do something. It might change after PAX but I highly doubt it. I just need to focus on my exam, so I don't really want to go out. Besides, there is plenty of distraction here in the room that is free and only requires time. Better than going out and spending large amounts of money on gas and things I don't necessarily need right at this moment.  I'm not trying to restrict myself, I just feel more comfortable staying here at home than venturing out. I'm sure there will be a point in time after PAX when I feel like going out, but at this moment there isn't a reason for me to.  I worked just fine today, I've been getting awful hunger pains though lately towards the end of work. It's a bit worrisome but I'm not sure what to do aside from just taking a break and eating something. That just means though that when I come home I'm often not hungry and I don't want to eat. I guess that's just what sucks.  It was good talking to you today, thanks for getting up so early to answer my call and for staying with me. I'm sorry to have disturbed your sleep  Trying to finally get comfortable enough to rest,  Kitty

Kitty

I woke up this morning... and noticed I was 30 mins short of being able to see your face before you hung up after calling me at around 2:30am yesterday morning. I stayed in bed until 5:45am wanting to continue my awkward routine of never leaving the bed until the very last moment. I made it to work on time with a minute left to spare on the time clock before I officially had to be on the floor. Work was work as usual, made me sad to find that either a few had gone home or died while I was gone. 6 days gone from that place can change so suddenly. I wonder what it will be like after this month is over, will there be a lot of changes or a few? How will our relationship fare once you return home.  Everyday I miss you, I'm not sure if it's more or less, but at different times through the day when I realize you're not here or notice the quiet in the room. There is some heartache in my chest, I know I miss you.  When I came home from work, I had time to shower before heading to H-Mart and Fred Meyer with Kev and Train. I watched this quick interview with the World's Smallest Woman, she is 20 years old and is only 23 inches tall, I couldn't believe it. I only got into watching the interview because I noticed she was gonna be in the next American Horror Story series that is coming out. Train and I ended up finally buying that electric kettle, so I don't have to boil water as often for the milo and tea. What's funny is that our counter tops is slowly becoming full with appliances. I bought meat and some veggies, though to be honest I haven't been so hungry. Like I know my body is hungry, but I don't have the appetite to eat as much anymore. I'm trying my best to take care of myself, but it's hard when even though I wanna stuff my face, I can't even really feel like getting up and trying.  I'm doing my best to make progress in my book. I'm gonna try to dedicate a lot of time to it, tomorrow. I finished up one chapter this evening after a very long nap. I hadn't realized I was that tired. I bought croquettes and madelines for a small breakfast tomorrow, and left a small container of beef in the fridge to cook for myself for lunch.  I dunno why I'm still up, usually if you were here, we would be in bed by now, sleeping. Or if we weren't so tired, watching a movie and laughing together. I want to sleep, but it's like I can't, cause I'm waiting for you when I know I shouldn't.  Still wondering what it's gonna be like when you come home,  Kitty

Day two, full of haircuts and family hanging out. Snyder the night before told me that the hair cut appointment was going to be at 11am. So I got up and outta the house by 10:15 to get there "on time". I end up calling Shyer telling her I'm ready and then she tells me that the appointment is at 3pm and that snyder probably hadn't told me. Bugger. ><; So I hung out in his room and ended up filling in the perler bead thing he was working on. It's so cool, I think I'll make at least a studio gibli one myself. That would be awesome.  Eventually I came home, back to the apartment, ate some leftovers with egg, and made rice again. I'll guess I'll stick to 4 cups... I suppose it'll last me a while, I don't think I'm going to be cooking a whole lot this next month... and if I do, someone is gonna have to join me for dinner. Probably Snyder...  I appreciate that you called so often today, and it's great to know you missed me dearly. I'm still puzzled that you don't feel like your home is home... perhaps that changed once you saw Noodle today, who knows.  I have work tomorrow so, I'll have to see you later. When you wake up again.  Missing you like crazy...  Kitty